The Trap of Memetic Desires: Learning to Want What’s Truly Yours

“We are not merely influenced by others — we are shaped by what they desire.”

– René Girard

---

Have you ever wanted something simply because someone else seemed to?

A certain lifestyle, job, relationship, or version of happiness — one that didn’t even cross your mind until you saw it shining in someone else’s hands?

That’s what philosopher René Girard called a memetic desire; a desire we absorb rather than originate.

It’s when our wants aren’t born from within, but borrowed from the world around us.

How Mimicry Shapes Desire

As children, we learn by imitation. We mimic how others talk, dress, and behave. But Girard suggested that imitation runs deeper than action — it shapes desire itself.

We don’t just copy what others do; we copy what they want.

And in a world overflowing with highlight reels, that’s a powerful and often dangerous thing.

Think about it:

You scroll through social media and suddenly feel drawn to a certain aesthetic or lifestyle you never cared about before. You hear your peers talking about success, and suddenly your definition of “enough” changes. You see two people in love online, and suddenly you’re not sure if you want love or just the image of it.

That’s the quiet pull of mimetic desire — subtle, yet powerful.

Recognizing the Signs

You might be caught in the current of memetic desire if:

You feel restless or “behind” after seeing others’ achievements. You chase things that look good on the outside but don’t feel right inside. Your desires change rapidly based on who you’re around or what you consume.

Memetic desires are like mirrors — they reflect others’ longings until we mistake them for our own.

🌱 Returning to Your Authentic Desires

The good news is, once you see the pattern, you can step outside it.

Here are a few ways to return home to your true desires:

1. Pause before you pursue.

Ask yourself: When did I start wanting this?

Did this desire come from a quiet inner pull, or from seeing someone else with it?

2. Sit in stillness.

Your authentic desires don’t shout — they whisper. Create space for silence, journaling, prayer, or time in nature.

When the noise fades, the truth emerges.

3. Listen to your body.

Memetic desires create tension and chasing. Authentic ones feel peaceful and grounded — even if they ask for courage.

4. Define success for yourself.

Write down what a “fulfilled life” truly means to you — not what society defines as success.

Revisit it often to stay anchored.

5. Surround yourself with grounded souls.

We absorb the energy of those around us. Stay close to people who value depth over display.

The Gift of Awareness

The moment you become aware of memetic desire, it loses its power.

You begin to want less of what glitters — and more of what’s real.

You start noticing how much peace lives in authenticity.

Because at the end of the day, your soul didn’t come here to copy.

It came to remember itself.

“You were born an original. Don’t die a copy.” – John Mason