Category: grains of sand

Crying Is a Beautiful Thing—Here’s Why

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Tears often get a bad reputation. Many people see crying as a sign of weakness, something to be hidden or suppressed. But the truth is, crying is one of the most natural, healing, and even necessary things we can do. It’s not just an emotional release—it’s a biological function with real benefits for our mind and body.

So the next time you feel tears welling up, don’t fight them. Let them flow. Here’s why crying is actually a beautiful thing.

The Science Behind Tears

Did you know that not all tears are the same? There are three types of tears, each with its own unique purpose:

1. Basal Tears: These keep your eyes lubricated and protect them from drying out.

2. Reflex Tears: These clear out irritants like dust, smoke, or onion fumes.

3. Emotional Tears: These are triggered by strong feelings like sadness, joy, frustration, or relief.

What’s fascinating is that emotional tears contain stress hormones and toxins, meaning that crying actually helps your body release built-up tension and cleanse itself.

The Benefits of Letting Your Tears Flow

If you’ve ever had a good cry and felt lighter afterward, there’s a reason for that. Here’s how crying can benefit your well-being:

• It Reduces Stress – Crying lowers cortisol levels, helping to ease tension and bring your body back to balance.

• It Releases Endorphins – Tears can trigger the release of oxytocin and endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals. This is why crying can actually leave you feeling calmer and more relaxed.

• It Strengthens Emotional Resilience – Allowing yourself to feel and process emotions instead of suppressing them helps you move through challenges with greater self-awareness and emotional intelligence.

• It Connects You to Others – Tears can be a bridge, helping us express vulnerability and deepen relationships. People who cry in front of others often experience stronger emotional bonds.

• It Improves Sleep – Studies have shown that crying, especially before bed, can help regulate emotions and lead to better sleep quality.

• It Helps You Heal – Whether you’re grieving a loss, feeling overwhelmed, or simply processing life’s ups and downs, crying is a healthy way to release and heal.

A Different Perspective on Tears

Many cultures and societies teach us to hold back our tears, especially in public. But what if we saw crying for what it truly is—a natural expression of being human?

Babies cry to communicate. Athletes cry when they win or lose. Loved ones cry at reunions and goodbyes. We cry out of love, joy, sorrow, and relief.

Tears are a language that words can’t always express.

Final Thought

Crying isn’t something to be ashamed of—it’s something to honor. It’s a reminder that you feel deeply, that you care, and that you are alive.

So if you need to cry, let yourself. It’s not a breakdown—it’s a release. And sometimes, that’s the most beautiful thing of all.

The Benefits Of Talking To Yourself In *Third Person*

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Talking to yourself in the third person, also known as distanced self-talk, can offer several psychological and emotional benefits. This technique involves referring to yourself by your name or as “you” rather than “I” when thinking or speaking about your emotions, decisions, or challenges. Here’s how it helps:

1. Emotional Regulation

• Talking to yourself in the third person can create psychological distance between you and your emotions, which helps you better manage intense feelings like anger, anxiety, or sadness.

• Example: Saying, “Why is [your name] feeling so stressed right now?” instead of “Why am I so stressed?” can help you analyze the situation more calmly.

2. Improved Decision-Making

• Referring to yourself in the third person promotes objectivity and clearer thinking because it encourages you to view your situation as if you were giving advice to a friend.

• This can reduce impulsive reactions and help you make more rational choices.

3. Enhanced Self-Compassion

• It can make it easier to speak kindly to yourself. For example, saying, “You’re doing your best, [your name],” feels more supportive and less self-critical than “I’m doing my best.”

4. Better Problem-Solving

• Viewing your problems from an outsider’s perspective allows you to see the bigger picture, which can make solutions more apparent.

• Example: “What does [your name] need to do to move forward?”

5. Reduced Stress and Anxiety

• Studies suggest that this type of self-talk can calm your mind during stressful situations by shifting your focus from feeling overwhelmed to thinking constructively.

• Example: Before a big presentation, saying, “You’ve prepared for this, [your name], and you’ll do great,” can ease nerves.

6. Boosted Confidence

• Encouraging yourself in the third person can feel like receiving support from someone you trust, which can be particularly helpful before tackling challenges or when self-doubt creeps in.

7. Strengthened Resilience

• By separating yourself from negative self-talk patterns, you can reframe setbacks and focus on growth and learning rather than dwelling on failures.

Practical Tips to Try It:

• Use third-person self-talk during moments of stress, decision-making, or self-reflection.

• Try writing journal entries in the third person for deeper insights.

• Speak to yourself as if you were a compassionate coach or friend.

This simple shift in language can have a profound impact on your emotional well-being and mental clarity. It’s a powerful tool for building self-awareness and inner strength!

Where Do We Draw The Line?

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Recently, I watched the movie Coraline and a YouTube video on Taoist philosophy, and both left me reflecting deeply on human nature and our constant craving for more.

In Coraline, the children lost their souls, not because they didn’t have enough, but because even when they were given everything they desired, it still wasn’t enough. A chilling thought, isn’t it? This dark and haunting animation earned an Oscar for a reason—it shines a light on something real and unsettling within us. (I throughly enjoyed this thought provoking movie.)

Similarly, the Taoist philosophy video explored how this endless quest for “more” leads to stress, burnout, and withdrawal from peace. Or, like in Coraline, it can even cost us our souls—though perhaps not in a literal sense, but in how we lose touch with ourselves, our purpose, and what really matters.

Do you see the connection?

So, where do we draw the line? When do we step back and say, “I’m good. I have enough.”

I believe awareness is the first step. Developing an awareness of these traps—this cycle of more, more, more—can help us catch ourselves before we fall deeper into it. But awareness isn’t always enough. We need something more substantial: an armor to protect us from the constant pull of these traps.

How do we build that armor? Honestly, I wish I had a straight answer. But what I do know is this: it starts with doing the inner work. Looking at yourself—really seeing yourself. Asking the hard questions about what you truly need versus what you’re chasing out of habit, pressure, or comparison.

It’s not easy. It’s uncomfortable, messy, and often takes time. But I believe learning to “draw the line” isn’t just something we need—it’s something we all deserve. A chance to reclaim our peace, to step off the hamster wheel, and to say, “This is enough.”

(YouTube video in case you’re interested— click here )

Cheating Is Not The Way

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Have you ever cheated on a test before? I have—more times than I’d care to admit. There’s one particular instance in high school I’ll never forget. I was copying a friend’s answer to a question about food safety, and her response was, “When in doubt, throw it out.” Makes sense, right?

Well, I mindlessly wrote, “When in doubt, pull it out.” Facepalm. I wasn’t even paying attention to what I was writing—I just copied without thought.

The teacher called me up to the desk and had me read my answer aloud. I was mortified. Thankfully, I had a sense of humor, even back then, so I was able to laugh at myself. But that moment stayed with me because it taught me something deeper about the value of truly learning.

When you cheat, you’re not really learning or engaging. You’re just skating by, collecting answers without understanding the questions. Sure, you might pass the test and move on to the next level, but sooner or later, you’ll find yourself lost and wishing you had put in the effort to learn the material.

Life, in many ways, is a test. Every challenge, every struggle, every moment of uncertainty is part of the curriculum. And God, as our ultimate teacher, doesn’t just hand us the answers. Instead, we’re equipped with an inner compass—a moral guide—to navigate this test of life. That inner guidance helps us grow, reflect, and savor the victories when we earn them.

If we were simply handed all the answers, we wouldn’t understand their significance. The struggle to figure things out, to fail, and to try again is what shapes us. It’s what gives life its richness and depth.

So don’t cheat your way through life. Don’t be afraid of the “bad grades,” the setbacks, or the moments when you feel utterly clueless. These moments aren’t failures—they’re lessons. They’re the building blocks of wisdom and resilience.

Take the test of life with open eyes, an open heart, and a willingness to learn. Because the journey is the real reward. At least that’s what they say.

Back To Basics

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Give a child a cup of plain vanilla ice cream, and they’re going to light up with delight. “Yummy! This is so good!”

Now, the next time, you offer them ice cream—but this time, you’ve added sprinkles. They love it even more.

Then you take it a step further: a scoop of ice cream with sprinkles, whipped cream, and a cherry on top. Of course, it’s the ultimate treat!

But what happens when you go back to offering just plain vanilla ice cream? They refuse. “Where are the sprinkles? The whipped cream? The cherry?”

What once felt like the best thing ever—just vanilla ice cream—has now become “boring.”

This scenario isn’t just about ice cream. It’s playing out all around us, with everything.

In a world constantly trying to one-up itself, we’ve forgotten how to appreciate the simple things. We keep piling on sprinkles, whipped cream, and cherries in every area of our lives—whether it’s material possessions, experiences, or even the way we seek validation from others.

The problem is, when we get caught up in all the add-ons, we lose sight of the essence. We stop noticing the “ice cream” itself. Its flavor and joy are drowned out by all the extras.

This is why “going back to basics” is so important. At first, it may feel dull or underwhelming. But over time, you start to notice the richness in simplicity—the way life was meant to be enjoyed.

Not everything needs sprinkles, whipped cream, or cherries to be special. Sometimes, the simplest things, enjoyed as they are, hold the most joy. Save the extras for rare, special moments—and watch how the beauty of the basics begins to shine again.

Order Is The Antidote To Chaos

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I was listening to a podcast the other day with Andrew Huberman and Dr. Jordan Peterson. At one point, Dr. Peterson said, “Order is the antidote to chaos.”

I just loved that.

Synonyms for order include words like sequence, organization, and arrangement. Synonyms for antidote are remedy or cure.

Ponder that for a moment: Order is the antidote to chaos. Organization is medicine for disorder, disarray, and confusion.

In other words, take a look around—what does your home look like? Your car? Your desk? Your bedroom? Even more importantly, what’s going on in your mind?

The cure is decluttering. The cure is setting a routine. The cure is giving everything a home. The cure is embracing the philosophy of less is more. The cure is, quite simply, to “get your life in order.”

As a mother of four, I’ve learned just how necessary order is in our household—not only for myself but for my children and their well-being. They may not fully understand the impact of their surroundings, but I do. When there’s order, there’s peace, and that peace benefits everyone in the home.

By establishing order, it’s possible to alleviate, or even eliminate, things like anxiety and depression—or at the very least, to minimize them. A great reward awaits when you take the responsibility to bring order into your life. It isn’t always easy, but it’s absolutely worth it.

Take the time to find order, and you’ll discover more clarity, focus, and peace.

If You Never Fail, You Never Grow

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I recently started reading Different Kinds of Minds by Temple Grandin. It’s incredibly insightful and thought-provoking. In one part of the book, she shared a fascinating rat study. Researchers found that rats who had to dig up their treats became far more resilient when faced with challenges compared to rats who were simply handed their treats.

The rats who didn’t have to work for their reward gave up more easily when obstacles appeared.

What an eye-opening observation!

This speaks to a universal truth: challenges and failures aren’t bad things—they’re vital. They build strength, resilience, and perseverance. Struggle teaches us to appreciate the rewards of our effort.

The hard work, the setbacks, and even the failures are what shape us. They’re the chisels that carve out our character and growth.

So remember, with growth comes failure—and that’s how it’s meant to be. Failure isn’t the end. It’s a stepping stone to something greater.

Finding Wholeness In YOUR Story – Your Trauma

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Traumas in your life are the very difficult emotions that you processed alone.

Reread that, and think about that for a moment.

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A trauma that I have been healing from for the past couple of years now has been my adoption story.

I was adopted into a family with no connection to any of my biological relatives. I felt incredibly alone for many, many years. Discussing my adoption was taboo; it was as if I were an apple tree trying to grow in an orange grove, and nobody ever acknowledged that I was, indeed, different.

It wasn’t until 29 years later that I met any of my biological family. That’s 29 years of trying to process everything by myself. It’s been a journey—a lifelong one—and it still is.

When I had my own child, I truly believed I could finally put my adoption story behind me. I thought I wouldn’t feel so alone anymore. And, in a way, having my daughter did bring healing, but only temporarily.

Then, when my daughter was 10 months old, we fostered and later adopted my sister-in-law’s daughter, who was just one year old at the time. While fostering her, so many repressed emotions resurfaced—emotions I had buried deep within myself for decades. They came flooding back, sending me into a depression. I couldn’t escape my story. I couldn’t escape myself. I couldn’t escape “adoption/adoptee/adopted” And I hated it.

I didn’t want to feel this pain anymore, but I had no idea what to do. I just knew I could no longer ignore this. Now having a new type of adoption story with actually adopting I knew this had to be dealt with. And I knew if I wanted to be the mother that I wanted to be to my children then I had work to do.

Eventually, I surrendered and accepted that this really was a part of my identity—not my whole self, but a huge part of me. And that’s when the healing journey began.

The traumas we experience cannot be erased, but we can learn how to identify and understand them. Only then can we begin to heal from them.

One way to begin healing is by acknowledging what you went through, validating your experience, and sharing it with others. It’s not enough to think about it in silence. You need to talk about it. Take what’s swirling in your mind and articulate it into words.

For years, I thought I was alone, but I’ve learned through my own journey that I never really was. I’ve also learned how many people out there suffer in silence, just as I did.

I want you to know: You are not alone. There’s so much strength in sharing your truth, in finding connection through the pain. Healing doesn’t mean erasing your story; it means finally allowing yourself to be seen, to be heard, and to be whole.

Becoming Mindful Of Your Emotions

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Emotions are a natural part of us, but they don’t define our entire being.

I once heard an analogy that made me chuckle: Emotions are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you also don’t want to stuff them in the trunk. This humorous but insightful metaphor reminds us of the delicate balance between acknowledging our emotions and letting them take over.

It’s crucial, maybe even vital, to validate our emotions. A simple but powerful step is naming what you’re feeling out loud: “I am angry because I feel like nobody is listening to me in this house.” Saying it out loud gives the emotion space to exist without consuming you. It’s like holding it up to the light and saying, “I see you, and I understand why you’re here.”

Too often, we seek validation for our emotions from others because we haven’t been taught how to validate ourselves. But here’s the truth: no one else can fully understand your inner world the way you do. Learning to recognize and name your emotions helps you build a bridge between feeling and understanding.

When we fail to acknowledge our emotions, they can turn inward, manifesting as self-blame, self-doubt, or even shame. Unchecked, they can become a storm that clouds how we see ourselves and the world. But when we practice self-compassion and emotional mindfulness, we create space for healing and growth.

This practice is also deeply tied to valuing and loving ourselves. When we learn to be gentle with our feelings instead of silencing or avoiding them, we show ourselves the same compassion we would offer to a friend. It becomes easier to navigate life with emotions as our passengers—present and acknowledged but no longer in control.

Emotions, however, can be powerful guides. Each one has something to teach us—if we’re willing to listen. Sadness might remind us of what we cherish or have lost. Anger can show us where our boundaries feel crossed. Joy reveals what brings meaning to our lives. They’re not the enemy—they’re messengers.

By taking this approach, we can steer through life with greater clarity and peace, no matter how strong the waves of emotion may be.

If we do not work on repairing and understanding ourselves, we cannot help repair or understand others.

“All behavior makes sense with enough information.”

Reminder: YOU MAKE SENSE.

When You Grieve

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We don’t just grieve when a loved one dies. Though many feel that’s the only time we are “allowed” to grieve, the truth is that grief appears in so many forms. Grief is, at its heart, a deep sadness; one we feel in countless ways throughout our lives.

We grieve over friendships that were once intertwined so tightly but have now lost their elasticity.

We grieve over romantic relationships, mourning what they once were and what they will never be again. It’s like a glass of water being spilled; once it’s spilled, it can never be a glass of water again.

We grieve over growing up, over life’s truths being revealed. We mourn our ignorance and innocence in ways we don’t often speak about.

We grieve over our children—their independence, their struggles, the way we cannot protect them from everything, no matter how much we wish we could.

We grieve over past versions of ourselves, searching for the joy or energy we once had and feeling unsure if we’ll ever get it back, no matter how many books we read or podcasts we listen to.

We grieve over our bodies that have changed, over the capabilities we once had but can no longer reach.

We grieve over change itself, in all its forms whether we asked for it or not.

It’s okay to grieve. I want to remind you that you are never alone in this. Walking through the woods of grief is often a silent journey, one we take while the outside world continues on, oblivious. You may feel like you have to navigate it by yourself, but I promise, others have walked this path, too.

I wish I had a universal answer for how to get through grief. I really do.

What I can tell you is that it isn’t a straight line. Some days, you’ll feel fine, even hopeful. And then, out of nowhere, grief will show up like an unexpected visitor—one who arrives uninvited and unannounced, leaving you unprepared.

In those moments, be gentle with yourself. Grief isn’t something to “fix” or “finish.” It’s something to feel and carry until it lessens its weight. Grief may never truly leave, but over time, you may find it settling into the corners of your heart, leaving space for other things; hope, love, and even joy.

Grief is the echo of something meaningful, a reminder of how deeply we’ve loved, how deeply we’ve lived. And while it’s heavy, it’s also proof that you’re human, that you’ve cared, that you’re still here; growing and walking forward, one step at a time.

Give yourself permission to grieve. Give yourselves permission to cry. Give yourself permission to close off the world for a bit. Give yourself permission to not have to explain. Give yourself permission to heal. Give yourself permission to not be okay.