Tag: dailyprompt

What’s something you’ve forgiven but haven’t forgotten?

When I was 17 and it was my senior year of high school my mom decided that we were going to move right in the middle of my school year.

She had recently divorced, met a new man, eloped, and then said, “we’re moving across the states.”

I was so incredibly upset and I was so mad at her. I didn’t move with her. I decided to move in with my dad who I hadn’t lived with since I was 8.

I was so hurt. I felt abandoned, betrayed, and just……she didn’t choose me.

That was hard.

When I lived with my dad and stepmom, once I graduated high school I was encouraged to move out. They found me a place to live and I was officially living on my own at 18. But they were paying for my rent so I guess I was suppose to be okay with that.

Again though, now I felt abandoned all over again by my dad and not chosen once again.

I felt so alone. I was drinking and getting drunk every single weekend.

It was so hard. Just writing this makes me feel the hurt all over again in a way. I was just so lonely, insecure, no self love, and really confused so much more. Didn’t have a relationship with God, ultimately so lost.

I repressed so much of that pain, thought I was actually happy but all of that resurfaced when I became a Mother. I became angry. So freaking angry. I remember holding my newborn daughter and I had this moment……I was holding her just staring at my beautiful girl, I looked up right at mom and without even thinking I said, “I could never do to her what you did to me. You just left me.” Silence as we both just held each other’s eye contact.

I felt all bad afterwards because then she started crying and it became this whole thing.

And I told my dad too how I couldn’t believe he basically kicked me out too when I was younger later down the line.

Since then my parents have both apologized to me and I have grown so so so so much. I hold no resentment. I understand more, I’ve given grace, I have forgiven.

But there is definitely a scar there that I notice every so often that i forgot about it…..like now for example. And that is okay. I can and have found all the beauty that has come from this.

Had I not moved in with dad and had I not moved out at 18 I would not have met my husband and have the children that I do. My path has been blessed this whole time and I recognize it. I’ve never been alone and this knowing…….just……you know…..makes me want to cry. I’ve always been loved.

I am incredibly blessed and so grateful. Thank you for reading.

What life lesson did you learn too late?

I didn’t learn anything too late. I do believe I am where I am suppose to be. My children are what make that belief concrete.

However what I will say is I do wish in a way the confidence I have now, I do wish I had more of it when I was younger.

It’s easy to think, hmm where would I be if I was more confident back then but the thing is if I was more confident back then I wouldn’t be where I am now.

As much as we want to change some things in our past, in hindsight you really wouldn’t. Because one alteration would shift your whole trajectory and maybe someone else’s that you love.

Let me provide an example. There’s a movie called About Time , such a great cute movie by the way I highly recommend it, especially if you have kids.

Anyways, the main character is a time traveler. Long story short his sister gets into a really bad car accident and he goes back in time to save her from that accident. The thing though, when he comes back to the present time he has a completely different child than he did before.

He realizes in that moment he has to let the car accident happen to his sister.

Do you see?! Ponder that! It’s so deep!

Where you are right now, is where you are right now and ultimately you have to trust it. You didn’t learn anything too late. You are where you are needed to be right now, maybe it’s not what you want. But it’s where you are needed. Trust that.

Has your idea of what makes a good friend changed as you’ve gotten older?

Good friends are the ones who show up through a time of crisis. A dark season of life.

I have friends who I can go weeks and months without speaking to but if something went down, they would be there. No doubt in my mind.

But that’s the true test isn’t it ?……when you experience something scary or hard in life pay attention to who reached out, who checked on you, who genuinely cared. Thats only if you put that information out there. You can’t be upset someone didn’t reach out if they didn’t even know you were going through something to begin with.

I have friends too where we are just social friends. We have fun together. But truly, I know who my real tribe is because they have always been there for me and there is some peace of mind knowing you have people in your life that you can count on if need be.

Be one of those friends too. Just the other day I had a thought….I’m like a 911 friend. I’m not always going to reach out and see how things are, I’m busy too. However if you call me asking for help I’ll be there for you one hundred percent.

There’s a lot of people out there who expect 911 to call them if you know what I mean. But that’s just not how that works. If you need help, you have to ask.

And to me good friends are the ones you trust enough to ask and share. You feel safe and not judged with them. You also know they will absolutely be there for you if you needed them.

Those are the best friends.

What’s a song that changed your life?

I cannot think of a particular song that changed my life.

However, when I really began listening to the lyrics of songs, that changed everything.

It’s one thing to jam out to a song because you really enjoy the beat but it’s another thing when you actually hear and interpret the lyrics.

Everything changes.

You recognize how deep and poetic some people are. You hear what the message is that the artist is really trying to share. And it makes sense why some songs are way more popular than others.

I’ll name a few songs where the lyrics are powerful in my opinion.

cats and the cradle – harry chapin

This song is such a true story and unfortunately I feel for many. To me it’s a reminder to stay present with my children and spend time with them.

In the waiting line – zero 7 and Sophie barker

Reminder that our time is limited. We are all just waiting our turn. she’s calling out humanity.

The earth song – Michael Jackson

Many people think we are separate from the earth but we are apart of all of this. We are connected. Everything in this life is interdependent.

Army dreamers – Kate bush

This song is just sad. About how so many young men join the military maybe because they feel they have no other option. And many come home in a box. And it makes you wonder what some of those young men could have been if they had possibly grown up a different way. They really are just kids…….we send kids to war.

I hope you dance – Lee Ann Womack

When I was kid my mom would play this song for me and always say Marie listen to the lyrics, listen to the lyrics.

It wasn’t until I had my own kids where I actually heard the lyrics. And now this song makes me cry every time I hear it. Love you mom.

Music in general…..powerful.

Not just a song has changed my life…music as a whole has shaped my whole trajectory.

What’s something you’ve done that you never thought you could?

First thought that comes to mind:

I can do anything that I want to do. The question is do I actually want to do it?

Like, right now there some yoga positions that I would love to take on. But my mindset isn’t, “I could never do that.”

It’s more so, do I want to put in the effort.

Never say never, you CAN do it.

Whether you think you can or can’t, you’re right.

How do you manage stress?

I’m a mother of four under 10 and married, let me share how I manage stress.

I’ll give a little list with some explanations. If this helps someone I’m all for that.

1. Breathe – no, I’m serious. Like stop what you are doing and do some intentional, deep breathing. In through the your nose, hold for like 3-5 seconds, and release through your mouth.

If I am in a moment I do that almost immediately to calm myself down while patting my chest.

2. GET RID OF STUFF – many people are oblivious to how heavy stuff is. Your home, your environment, it plays a huge role on your well being. Some say it’s a reflection to what you got going on, on the inside. “If you find yourself constantly cleaning/organizing that’s good indicator to get rid of stuff.”

I am so big on this. This is so simple too. Donate, give away, you will feel relief every time. And also a good rule is if you buy something new, get rid of something old.

3. Say No – say no, and don’t feel bad about it. The friends and family that truly love you are not going to hold it against you. Know when your plate is full and just say no. Whether it be a party, a dinner, a favor, a hang out. It’s okay to say no when you are feeling depleted and exhausted.

4. Make time for your hobby – whatever that may be that gives you some peace. I enjoy doing yoga. Some people like painting, running, hiking, crafts, gardening, just sometime that is for YOU. And make that a priority.

5. Let Yourself Get Angry – it’s okay to feel those emotions. You need to cry, cry. You wanna yell, yell. You feel like screaming, just scream. You’re going to feel better. Then go back to number 1. Breathe. Don’t break stuff or doing something reckless. But again, it is okay to shout. And to me truthfully, if you are crying or yelling that is the ultimate sign that you need to get your stress in check now. That means you let it get too far.

6. Talk To A trusted friend/family member – and just vent it out. Sometimes I will call a friend and literally say can I just vent real quick to you. And then I’ll vent and they listen and truthfully that is enough. Sometimes when we speak it out loud we receive clarity just by talking about it.

Anyways, that’s what immediately came to mind for managing stress and I hope it helps.

Less is more my friends, I’m telling you.

Dive into a minimalist lifestyle and you will get it!

If your future self could send you one sentence, what do you hope it would say?

Stop worrying about your kids, they are living the most beautiful lives…….you did good, Marie.

*crying* 😭😭😭

What app eats up most of your screen time — and do you even feel bad about it?

Instagram most likely.

And truthfully it’s like the same stuff over and over again. And rarely do people show rawness it’s all so strategic.

But yet, it’s so easy to get sucked in. Sometimes I really hate it.

Sometimes I hate it all. Sometimes I legit just hate my phone.

Everything is so connected and not in the good way.

Sometimes I just want to delete everything. All my social medias. Yet, the attachment to memories and nostalgia is real.

The phones, the internet, the apps….sure there is some convenience but also……I don’t need to be so reachable.

It’s like wanting to be seen and wanting to share things but at the same time not wanting anyone to know what the heck I’m doing.

And yes, I know I could deactivate social media but it’s not the same. There’s still an invisible chain.

Also I don’t feel bad when I am on instagram. I do feel I have pretty good awareness on the whole thing so I don’t allow it to consume too much of my time. Most of the time I may go to share something and then immediately get off so I don’t become distracted by other people’s posts.

But again overall, I do have some envy towards those who never opened the pandora box of social media.