We poison ourselves with these types of thoughts and non-existent scenarios. Our minds have the power to liberate us or to imprison us.
When we begin to ruminate on things that haven’t even happened, we begin to believe that it HAS HAPPENED or will eventually happen. We self sabotage ourselves, our relationships, and end up causing pain that didn’t even need to exist to begin with.
Unfortunately, we allow these types of meditations to thrive, to develop, and they could destruct us and those around us.
When you feel yourself dwelling in events that haven’t even happened, stop and recognize that it’s just a thought. Then, shoo it away.
Controlling your mind/ thoughts doesn’t happen over night, it’s a conscious effort that you have to work towards everyday.
It’s time to develop a shield to protect you from this type of thinking.
Whatever thoughts you may be meditating on, there may be something deeper as to why you’re dwelling on those thoughts.
But in the meantime when you feel those thoughts creeping in, acknowledge them and then just shoo them away like you would a fly.
Stay focused on the present and what’s in front of you right now.
“Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content”
If we define the word worry, it reads; “give way to anxiety or unease; allow one’s mind to dwell on difficulty or troubles.” Think about that for just a moment. When we can’t control something, it causes us stress and anxiety. It leads us down the path of worrying where we end up in a field filled with fear.
How often do you worry? Many times I’m sure. About all sorts of things, right? We worry about the future, we worry about our children, we worry about bills being paid, we worry about our health, we worry about our family, we worry about many, many things.
We all worry. What you should know though is worrying is natural human survival instinct. Ultimately we worry to protect us from harm. Maybe you’re thinking, “how is worrying about my family protecting me? I’m worry about them.” Yes, that is true, however you worry to protect yourself from feeling pain. If something happens to someone in your family, you know you would suffer too. And who wants to suffer? Again, we worry to protect us. *Humans are pretty selfish, we think about ourselves a lot.*
Now worrying and living in fear is giving in to a very powerful force. Too many times we allow these emotions to completely control us and prevent us from truly living and feeling joy in our hearts. This also prevents our relationship with God from growing. Why? Because we aren’t trusting God. We aren’t trusting the creator of the entire universe. You’re not alone my friend, and you’re not on your own.
We have to lean in, we have to surrender, and we have to trust our Heavenly Father. He knows way more than we do. But, like a three year old, we are stubborn children. We want to do things on our own. Like children, we don’t want help. We don’t want to believe our Heavenly Father knows more than we do. Maybe we aren’t children, we kinda sound more like teenagers.
The spirit within us is like a muscle. As we strengthen our spirit muscle, it becomes stronger. The seed of love that God planted in all of us becomes stronger. God is love my friends. But we gotta water that seed! And we have to water others! As we continue to work on your relationship with God we become stronger than the flesh, we become stronger than those feelings and emotions that act like a wall preventing us from living in peace and harmony.
When we continue to seek God, the walls of fear and worry begin to crumble and dissolve like a soaked cookie in milk. We begin to feel peace within ourselves.
No matter what state we are in we aren’t worried or in fear because we know God loves us. We know no matter what, it’s going to be okay. We begin to understand God is in us, he surrounds us, he is reaching out and rescuing us.
But to be in that state, we have to reach our hand out. Gods hand is already present, we are the ones holding back. And once we grab ahold of the hand of God no matter what happens you’ll know in your heart God has got this. No matter what you know in the end Gods going to make everything right. God loves you. He loves you, He loves you, He loves you.
To my daughters; Demi, Ella, Wrenn. I love you girls so much. I scribbled these pieces in a notebook awhile back and I decided to share these and make it accessible to others who may need a little piece of advice.
May each of you continue to notice the lights in your life, always.
Pay attention to children. Study them and watch them with great intent. They will remind you how to live.
Always appreciate your surroundings. Compared to another, you may be living a dream.
Create friendships that will last a lifetime. Cherish that best friend you have, those kinds of friendships are like finding treasure.
It’s more than okay to cry in front of others, don’t ever be embarrassed.
Keep this in mind, “this to shall pass.” The bad things, and the good things. Embrace it. Enjoy it.
Cut the distractions and enjoy the moment.
Always respect yourself. You are so worth it, never doubt that.
You are not merely words, you are poetry.
Life will disappoint you sometimes, and you are never alone in that disappointment. What are you going to do about it?
Falling in love is worth it.
Think before you speak. Words stain like lipstick.
Don’t judge others. Just don’t. Everyone has a story and everyone has value.
Stick with the people who make you belly-ache laugh.
Love is a choice, choose love, always.
Scary moments will arise, but you can do it. Have faith in yourself, have faith in others.
Help whenever you notice the opportunity, but be cautious. Please don’t pick up hitchhikers.
Read. Read. Read. Gain knowledge and understanding. The world needs that.
Your body is perfect. Absolutely perfect and full of magic. Believe it.
Never lose sight of who you are, stay true to yourself.
Love God with all of your heart. Nobody loves you the way God does.
Get outside every chance you get and BREATHE. Close your eyes and just breathe.
Write whenever you can. Write your ideas, your dreams, things you have learned. Share it and pass it on.
Give gifts for no reason. One simple way to show another how much you value and treasure them. But the best gift is your time and attention.
Mama says use your manners but also eat with your hands and burp. It’s good for you.
Forgive yourself. Mistakes are going to happen. And when you begin reflecting, forgive yourself.
Dream big. Not everyone gets to the dream (or maybe they do) but you know what, most of the fun is the actual dreaming.
Have fun and get muddy.
Listen to others. You can hear and not be listening. Listen to what someone is saying.
Count your blessings, and count them often.
Tell the ones you love them, ALL THE TIME.
Learn about space. It’s a little terrifying, but absolutely miraculous.
Grudges are not good for the soul. Let it go baby, let it go. Practice forgiveness.
Cake for breakfast, why not? Sometimes you eat dessert first.
Be highly conscious what you are feeding your body and your soul. But make exceptions. Some day are for movies and pure comfort food.
No one is a mind reader. Steer from making assumptions and learn to talk it out.
Practice independence. It will benefit you.
You could be a billionaire or millionaire and still be unhappy. “The best things in life cannot be seen or touched but only felt with the heart.” Helen Keller.
Swallow your pride and say sorry when you need to.
You make an impact every single day. Even the days you don’t get out of bed.
Explore. Travel. NOTICE the world. There is so much beauty even in your front yard.
Cherish time, because you don’t get it back. But then again, you kind of do, just in a different way. A smell can make you time travel.
Be yourself, always. Because there is nobody who will ever be you. So embrace who you are, you beautiful creature!
Embrace your path. Comparing will only make you lose focus. You have your own purposes in this life.
Practice calmness verse becoming angry. Breathe in, breathe out. I know its hard, I know. But you are stronger than you believe.
Be a hostess, and host often. And it’s okay to go to bed and clean up the next day. Pay attention to who helps though and offers to clean up.
“I hope you dance.” by Faith Hill. Listen to that song and when you become a mom one day you’ll really understand it. I love you.
Don’t go looking for trouble, but get in a little trouble. It’s fun. Some trouble is worth it.
Let your voice be heard. You have so much to say and so much to share. You will inspire and change the world. You’ve completely changed mine.
Don’t surrender to peer pressure. If you are ever in a situation where you are feeling pressured, get out. That’s a red flag.
Fight back what you are passionate about. You’ve always had the fire. Don’t let anyone dim your light.
Don’t believe everything you hear. Ask questions or just smile. Take it with a grain of salt. And don’t things too personally. How a person treats you is a reflection on how they treat themselves. Show compassion.
Don’t ignore your intuition. But if you do, learn from it.
If you don’t want anyone to find out, there’s a good chance you shouldn’t be doing it.
Don’t be afraid to come across as foolish. Ask the questions, be the first, remain curious, try new things, and laugh at yourself.
Walk in light, be a light for others, and help others shine.
Be patient with yourself. A tree doesn’t grow that tall and give that much shade over night.
Go through your things often, and donate whatever you can. You can survive with less than you may believe.
Love life. Love it all. The bad and good. I mentioned this in number 14. Choose love over fear.
Never forget how much your parents really do love you. You are what gave them life.
In the United States for every 8 women, 1 will be diagnosed with breast cancer.
This statistic is very alarming. Being a woman and having daughters pushes me to bring more awareness to this and to encourage the females in my life to ensure they are checking themselves regularly for anything abnormal.
I discovered a lump in my underarm almost a year ago. I was referred to woman’s imaging twice and I even requested to see a specialist because I still felt unsure.
Long story short, they have come to a recent conclusion that it’s a benign lymph node. I will continue to monitor it and am doing what I believe I need to do. I am still very hopeful that it will resolve on it’s on.
But in the meantime I feel a very strong obligation to share this and to encourage women to be checking themselves. Having this lump has led me to lots of googling, believe me. But when I go through something I try to ask myself, “what is this teaching me and how can I apply this to my life?” It’s all been a life lesson.
Hence, why I am writing this blog.
Maybe some female (friend or stranger) will read this and just her reading this saved her life! I mean, who knows! But if anything I just want encourage you, my friends, to take care of yourselves as best you can.
I know cancer is not something we want to believe that can happen to us but the truth is, it can. If not you, possibly someone you love dearly. And with a 1 in 8 statistic we should be even more proactive with this, as well as, providing more awareness to the women in our lives to check themselves.
I am not a health expert. But here are the answers that I can provide to you with my experience.
When to check your breasts?
At least once a month. Best time to check for any abnormalities is right after your period, this is what a breast specialist told me. What may help is setting a monthly reminder in your phone to prevent you from forgetting.
How to self exam your breasts?
Lay down on your back and lift one arm reaching far above your head. Use your opposite hand and begin pressing 4 fingers all around your breast, armpit, and collarbone. Repeat on the other side.
You’re feeling for any lumps (some women have natural lumpy breast tissue which is why it is good to become familiar with the way your breasts feel) you’re also checking for any discharge from your nipples.
Note: if anything AT ALL seems unfamiliar it’s best to just let your doctor know.
I feel a lump, now what?
First of all, don’t panic. Lumps do not always indicate cancer. They can be cysts or even a benign lymph node if located in the underarm. And given time they may go away on their own.
Either way I encourage you to call your doctor right away and to schedule an appointment to have it further check out.
My doctor referred me to have an ultra sound, what does that mean?
Most of the time it means they really aren’t sure what the lump is. And lumps in the breast is also not something they mess around with. So they refer you to have it checked out on a different level. I personably feel it’s better to be referred somewhere then to just be dismissed and told “it feels normal”.
Don’t panic once again if your doctor is referring you. I know this can be scary, trust me. But if it is something that is concerning you want it caught as soon as possible.
If you still aren’t satisfied, ask to be referred to a breast specialist.
All I’m going to say is, your peace of mind is worth it. Just trust your intuition and I encourage you have a health advocate if you’re uncomfortable being your own.
A breast specialist will check your breasts, will feel the lump, will ask if you’re experiencing any pain, ask if the lump has grown, and she may or may not have you come back in a few more months.
And if the breast specialist doesn’t suggest you come back and the lump is still present over time, I would definitely have it checked out again. Don’t just dismiss it because the doctor says it doesn’t appear abnormal. If it’s abnormal for YOU, stay on top of it.
When it comes to your health become comfortable being uncomfortable.
Don’t be embarrassed or uncomfortable with your questions, or requesting a second opinion or additional follow ups, or bringing it up to family or friends, etc. Having peace of mind is always worth it even when it feels like a lot.
I know this kind of stuff isn’t fun to discuss believe me. It’s scary and terrifying but we are all in this together.
With all this being said, check yourself and ask the women in your life, “how often are you checking yourself.”
Whatever you want in this life, I hope what I have to say can motivate or encourage you in some way.
Don’t ever stop being a dreamer.
“Set impossible goals”. I actually heard that quote on The Ellen DeGeneres Show. It was one of her greatest holiday giveaway ones.
A man had been swimming in the ocean, he did a flip, and broke his neck. Just like that, his life changed in an instant.
Life as we know is full of those kind of moments.
He was told that he may never walk again. A nurse told him something that gave him strength and determination. “Set impossible goals.”
Over time, he did learn how to walk again, he is one of the lucky few. He didn’t allow being told that he wouldn’t be able to walk again stop him or hold him back. He dreamed that impossible dream. The beautiful part of this story is he walked his wife down the aisle. And I’m willing to bet they danced too. All because he didn’t give up. All the frustration, the tears, the try after try were absolutely worth it.
(This isn’t them btw, I’m just providing a visual so you can truly try to empathize with this couple and to gain perspective. Hope it works.)
Everyone has something that they desire.What is your dream? I know you have one.
I’m willing to bet some of you reading this have never really been asked that question. Or you haven’t shared it with anyone.
I want this post to get you thinking about what you want in your life. To take a moment to identify what you seek.
When I was younger the only dream I truly desired so much was to become a mom. I’m not even kidding, that was my dream. It was a dream and it felt like a calling, I can’t really explain it. I wanted to be a mom so bad and my greatest fear was that I wouldn’t be able to have children.
When I became a mother my dream literally came true. Words cannot describe how much joy motherhood gives me. However, what’s crazy though, when I became a mom I also lost myself a bit.
Losing a bit of myself was very bizarre to me. I became something that I wanted so badly, yet, here was I not feeling completely fulfilled.
I went on a serious soul searching journey. And 3 kids later I feel the most confident, courageous, that I have ever been. And I have grown so much.
Motherhood has been the best thing to ever happen to me, because I found a different part of myself. New dreams are being born and new goals are being formed because of my first dream. My daughters inspire me. I have started dreaming ‘impossible dreams’ because of them.
I share this because I don’tever want you to feel discouraged. The feeling of reaching something but not quite feeling the way you thought you would will happen sometimes.
I saw an interview with Tom Hanks on The Today Show and he said something along the lines of, “The good things you feel from an accomplishment don’t last, and the same goes for the things that bring you down.”
I’m grateful for my dream of motherhood coming true. Greatest, hardest thing ever! This blog exist because of my girls! I have no idea where this blog will take me, but so far it’s probably helped me more then it’s helped any of you.
Trust the Timing of things. And trust your path. Each path provides some type of lesson to get you where you need to go next.
It can take time trying to figure out what you really want.
The point is, don’t give up. Keep trying, keep experiencing, keep doing! And stop being so concerned with what others think. Otherwise you’ll just become stuck and you will settle. If you only knew that just a few feet more you’d see that something greater was waiting for you.
If you’re afraid to fail in front of others, you’re going to have to suck it up. I say that in the nicest way possible.
I personally would rather keep trying new things and experiencing failure to find what really lights my spirit up, then to just settle because I’m in a content position.
You can’t be afraid of dead ends, u-turns, or any paths that lead you into a roundabout.
The pitfalls, the mistakes, the redos are going to happen and they have to happen in order for you to learn and grow and to get where you want to be.
4 THINGS TO CLOSE THIS UP
(Thanks if you read this whole thing!)
Don‘t forget the reasonwhy you’re doing what you are doing.
Write your goals down and work towards it everyday.
Stop limiting yourself, set yourself to be free and to express who you really are and who you want to become.
A kinship adoption is an adoption of a child by an extended family member. An example would be a child’s Grandma, Grandpa or maybe an Aunt, or Uncle.
If a kinship adoption is occurring the circumstances are not typically ideal and can be very heartbreaking for many people involved.
Substance abuse is a prime example of why a kinship adoption may occur.
The great thing about a kinship adoption is the child or children remain within their family who they are usually already familiar with. Which can help with a smoother transition for the child or even other family members.
In many cases it is preferred that a child that needs to be adopted remains within family but sometimes it just cannot be done. And that’s ok. Each adoption case has a story and is different.
Having had guardianship over my niece now for over two years and legally adopting her with my husband I would like to share the struggles of a kinship adoption and maintaining an open relationship with the birth mother.
(It is entirely up to you if decide to keep an open relationship with the birth parent or parents. It’s difficult because the birth parent or parents are related to you in some way and your relationship is now impacted and will no longer be the same going forward.)
I am sharing these struggles for other people that may be in the process of adopting a family member or having to make the decision of taking a child in and gaining an idea of what to expect if you accept this responsibility.
What matters is doing the absolute best for the child.
I am sharing these struggles so YOU reading this have an idea on what to expect when adopting a child and maintaining an open relationship. I hope this will allow you prepare in some way and to go into this process aware and confident.
5 Struggles Of A Kinship Adoption
1. The Whole Family is Affected
When you take in a child within the family the whole family is affected. If the child has other siblings it can be even more of a challenge because they may not know the whole situation. Family members are hurt, upset, concerned and it takes a toll on everyone. The family members that are very affected are the ones taking the child in. It can create hardships within your own family and significant other. It can be even more difficult adapting when you have children of your own for many different reasons.
2. It’s Drama And A Whole Lot Of Emotion
The relationship with the birth parent or parents becomes very unstable. The relationship will be different and emotions will constantly be high. The birth parent or parents are more comfortable saying how they are feeling or saying very inappropriate things because they can “get away with it” because you are indeed kin. Hurtful actions and words will take place and you can’t take what is being said or done personal. Easier said then done.
3. Developing Boundaries And Ensuring EVERYONE Is On the Same Page
A birth parent or parents may have lost custody but they will expect to still be able to see their child whenever they want. They also may expect to still have a say in the raising of the child.
The child is no longer in their care. This is where you need to establish boundaries. The child was taken away for a reason and when the boundaries are set it is very important that the rest of the family respect your wishes. This is the struggle. Not everyone will be on the same page with your boundaries. You may be blind sided at times and will have to constantly remind other family members what is and what is not okay when it comes to the birth parent or parents.
4. Doing What Is Best For The Child
Other family members will share their input and it’s hard to separate those feelings and what’s really best for your child. You will want to accomadate to what they want or you will try to make everyone else happy. It’s easy to lose track of what’s best for the child because now relationships with other family members are interfering and you don’t want to upset or hurt anyone. It’s very difficult and it becomes very upsetting when other family members are upset with you when you are just trying to do what’s best for your child. They will have a difficult time seeing things from your side and perspective.
5. Not Receiving Empathy/Lack Of Support
Some family members will not take the time to really notice the struggles that you are facing or even take the time to understand how hard this has all been. Especially when it happens out of the complete blue. This is why it feels like you are going through this alone at times.
People have a hard time understanding that you made THE CHOICE to take the child and other family members will take advantage of the situation not truly realizing what your position truly entails. Especially as you move forward and as the child gets older. If you decide this or that, a family member may lash out at you because they don’t agree with a decision that you made. When really, you should be supported whether they like it or not.
The birth parent is asked about, the child is asked about, but often you won’t be asked how this is all affecting you.
With writing this my goal is to share common struggles you may face when handling an open kinship adoption and to ensure you that you are not alone.
It’s hard. I know it is.
But I also know the many amazing things that come out of a kinship adoption. Before we took in my now daughter I remember googling the pros and cons of taking in a family member because I wanted to know what to expect. I knew taking her in would be hard and would open plenty of cans of worms but I also knew it was the right thing to do.
You are doing the right thing and that child you may have now is very fortunate to be with you. YOU, are their parent. Despite the struggles you are facing and will face there is no better place they could be.
To the person or persons taking in a Child within the family:
What you are doing is brave and takes courage. I want you to know you are doing the right thing even if you feel confused and stressed right now. Taking a child without any time to prepare is extremely challenging and many others don’t know the hardship of it all.
You are not alone in how you feel, you are not alone in this process, and you are not alone with your decisions.
There will be challenges and there will be tears, however, there are many rainbows within these storms I can assure you.
Everyone is going through something. No matter how they appear on the outside is irrelevant to what they may be experiencing on the inside.
Life has its hard moments. Moments where you feel like you are suffocating, you feel restrained, you feel unworthy, you feel defeated, you are fearful to the unknown.
When these obstacles visit, they typically visit unannounced and typically strike very hard. No preparation, they just completely catch you off guard. Leaving you bruised and winded.
I know it’s challenging when these moments happen or when you can’t seem to break free of these demons that are haunting you. Not everyone will know what you are going through. However I want to share that everyone knows the feeling of struggle in some form or another.
I want you to know that trials and tribulations are apart of life and they help us to strengthen our faith. When you think you are alone, I want you to know that you are not alone. I also don’t want you to give up. Never give up. Progression never ends and you will always have to work to get to the other side. Hard moments, fearful moments, challenging moments…they do not last forever.
In James 1:2-4 it is mentioned that we should be joyful during the trials in our life. These times are a true test of our faith in our Heavenly Father.
The Holy Bible – James 1:2-4
2. My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials,
3. knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.
4. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.
An Affirmation is a statement; you are declaring something. With saying these affirmations you are gaining power and not allowing your thoughts or attitude to go negative. This control of your mind is crucial in maturing and moving forward. When you find yourself thinking or behaving in a negative manner stop what you are doing and say a few affirmations to yourself. Just keep saying it, and don’t stop.
The more you say these affirmations the more they will resonate with you, the stronger your faith will become, and soon enough your armor will be indestructible. You will be able to handle anything that life throws at you.
Because remember, you are never alone in your turmoil.
With saying these affirmations I know it will provide the courage to take on whatever trial or trouble you are currently facing in your life.
God Bless You.
Confront Your Fears And Struggles With These 8 Affirmations – Scripture References Included
(I encourage you to look up these scripture references and to highlight them. There may come a time when you are reading and this highlighted scripture will jump at you when you need it the most)
I trust in and love God completely, he is the only one I truly need and will direct me where to go Proverbs 3:5-6
God is my strength and is with me always Philippians 4:13 Psalm 23:4
I do not fear, I know God will not leave me Deuteronomy 31:6Genesis 21:22
When I am afraid I will trust in God Psalm 25:2-5
I am living on purpose and will do great things Jeremiah 32:19 Ephesians 2:10
I am a confident person that does not worry Matthew 6:25-34
Through my trials my faith with only strengthen and mature James 1:2-4
I will choose to do things that I am afraid of 2 Timothy 1:7
God loves you and he wants you live a joyful life. He knows what he is doing. I know it can be difficult but trusting the Lord will provide peace in your life.
I pray these affirmations will provide peace for you. They have helped me tremendously and I know they can help you as well.
Please share any thoughts or comments, or feel free to contact me.
20’s are an absolute blast I will say and a time for some full on growth.
Full of foolish moments that make you smile whenever you think about them. Happy hours, parties, late night shenanigans, plenty of all nighters, summer love, blurry moments, adventure, dancing, and some really fun, stupid times.
A few moments of “what was I thinking?” and, “I still can’t believe I did that” will happen when reminiscing about your 20’s.
Your twenties are kind of the carefree time in your life. At least in the beginning it starts like that.
When I say carefree I mean go with the flow kind of mentality. That things will just work out how they need so. Your thought process is that you have time.
Later you realize that’s not exactly how it works, if you want something it’s going to take work and you have to be willing to put in the work to get what you want. You also realize time doesn’t wait and you don’t get time back.
You don’t really realize how young and naive you are at that age till you are reflecting on the past.
You will be a different person at age 21, 25, and 29 no doubt. A little hard to believe how much changing and evolving happens during this time.
Your 20’s are full of growing and identifying who you are and what you truly want to be. You may move to a different city, make a drastic career change, get into a committed relationship, do things you said you’d never do, and a few setbacks may happen here and there.
Your 20’s are also full of mistakes. Recalling events or actions and feeling completely embarrassed or guilty. Or not taking that leap of faith your initiation was telling you to do.
During these moments you learn to discover the silver lining in all things.
Towards the end of your 20’s you begin to love yourself and you learn how to not let the opinions of others alter who you are. You may become lost, but you also find yourself in a completely different way.
You drift away from friends but gain new ones. Some you cut off completely, some you rekindle with.
You become very close with your family and recognize how often they have been there for you and have supported you.
You may get married and have kids. If it’s not happening to you it will be happening to the people around you. Don’t feel rushed or saddened.
There is a time for everything. One lesson you will learn in your 20’s.
There will also be a few hard moments that will probably happen in your 20’s. Heartbreak and loss. Feelings of wasted time and regret.
Struggles will happen with your relationship, you may experience struggles of trying to start a family, you may struggle with work, you may struggle with debt, you may experience betrayal, you may experience heartbreak, etc.
These are the moments that will shape you the most. You will become more empathic towards others and gain a variety of different perspectives.
A few things you will take with you onto the next decade are:
More confidence and more self assurance
A list of goals you are determined to accomplish
Awareness of how fast life really does go
Words of wisdom from friends, parents, or mentors
The courage to say No to things you really don’t want to do
That things will pass, and life does go on
More knowledge about your physical and mental health and how you need to stay on that
Friendships you’re incredibly thankful for
Advice for your 20s
Seize opportunities that approach you
Explore and Travel
Learn how to manage your finances
Spend time with your parents
Go On A Solo Trip If You Can
Don’t compare your journey to someone else’s
If you aren’t happy, don’t wait, do something about it NOW
On to the next adventure. On to the 30’s.
For myself, I am incredibly grateful for where I am and the lessons I have learned.
Being a Mom can be challenging. That’s the truth, and for many different reasons and unique situations.
While Motherhood is absolutely amazing and very humbling, it’s full of struggles, hardship and what many other Mothers would call ‘Mom guilt’.
You really won’t hear too many Mothers going around talking about the struggles they have with parenting, a lot of times we keep our hard times to ourselves.
Why? Because we are ashamed to even have these feelings and emotions. We feel embarrassed and unworthy at times. It’s difficult when these types of moods occur.
I got to a point in this Motherhood journey where I knew I needed to change myself. Some of my actions were definitely uncalled for. How could I expect my little one to control their temper when I could barely control my own.
I found myself constantly complaining and it felt like I was pouring out nothing but negative things. I was loosing my patience on my toddlers. I was crying because of my behavior. I was disappointed in myself. I couldn’t believe some of the things I did and said. I truly felt unrecognizable.
My faith has always been important to me. Even more important and guiding once I became a Mother. I knew at this point where I was that I needed to be put in my place. I needed perspective and I needed an adjustment in my attitude.
When I decided that I needed to do something, a devotional book came to mind. In the past I would watch motivating videos on YouTube in hopes of being inspired or driven in some way. This time, I wanted something tangible and something that I could reference back to when needed.
I also knew a devotional book would strengthen my relationship with God, which is what I really needed. I needed help with Mothering my children because I was tired and burnt out to say the least.
I went onto amazon and I believe I typed in, ‘women’s devotional book’. Trusting God Day By Day: 365 Daily Devotionals by Joyce Meyer was one of the books that showed up in my search.
I choose that specific devotional book because of the numerous great reviews.
Mothers, I want you to try reading a devotional everyday, preferably from a devotional book. I personally suggest a book because more is said then just the devotional itself. Insight is shared, perspective is gained, and the author finds a way to connect you with their words, that you can apply to your every day life.
Try reading a devotional first thing in the morning, if not first thing in the morning then sometime during the day.
(note: When you are reading your devotional have your bible, a journal, and a pen handy. Write down whatever stands out to you, or write down more specifically, what it means to you.)
I would like to share that reading a devotional everyday has truly helped me with my Mothering. I am more patient then I was, I am more empathetic, and I have gained more self control.
A few slips are going to happen. You’re human. However you will get closer and closer to where you want to be. You got this Mama! I am praying for you!
This is the devotional book I am currently reading daily and I am so grateful!
I’m so incredibly thankful for this journey and my beautiful daughters who have brought new colors into my world. Thank you so much for reading. I hope this will bring more peace to you and your family if you choose to try this.
As you have probably heard before parenting does not come with a manual guide, nor will it ever come with a guide because every single parent does parenting differently. There would be no way to accommodate to the variety of parenting styles if a guide even did exist.
I have 2 almost three year old’s and expecting another baby in a few months and I still do not have it figured out. Truth be told, I don’t believe I ever will. However, that does not bother me because I can appreciate that parenting is a journey full of never ending lessons. Some harder then others. I hear teenage years are the hardest.
Before I became a parent I will admit I imagined it being nothing but easy and well, fun. Full of cute and happy moments. I never once thought about the struggles that come along with welcoming a child into your life.
I just thought about how I would be the ‘best mommy ever’. I am definitely not the best mommy ever FYI
I could not wait to be a mother. It was definitely a dream of mine and a calling I felt an eagerness to fulfill at a very young age. I had my first baby at 26, and I finally felt like this prayer of mine was answered.
When I became a parent, it was better then I ever imagined it to be. It was also way harder then I ever thought. I’m talking way harder. I think the way harder really set in when my husband and I received a second baby by surprise. We were completely caught off guard.
(we received our second baby when our first was 10 months old, to read about that story you can search ‘A Blessing In Disguise’)
When you become a parent, you see things differently. You don’t just see things differently but you have a completely different awareness and understanding.
You look at your parents differently…….in good and bad lighting. Your friends who have had kids for a couple of years now? You feel sorry, because you just didn’t know what they were going through. You can even connect now with strangers almost everywhere you go that are holding a little hand.
You empathize with parents because you know it’s the most amazing and yet hardest privilege.
As a parent you want to do your best for your child. But it’s hard. There are many days where you feel like a complete failure. You also blame yourself for a lot of things that are really out of your control.
We never want to hurt them.
But truth be told, we are going to leave emotional scars on our children.
Now, that’s a real tough pill to swallow especially because we are continuously trying to be the best that we can be.
We do our best to give what we didn’t receive. To be, what are parents were not. To do, what are parent’s didn’t do. As well as, try not to do, what are parents did.
We do our best. But what we think is best, is not always the best and can impact our child in ways we can’t even imagine. Which is a little frightening when you really sit and think about it.
It’s a lot of pressure! We are shaping a life or lives! And one can only hope and pray that the wounds we cause aren’t too severe.
I don’t know what type of scar I am going to leave but I know I will leave one. It may be something I say, something I do, something I choose, something I don’t do…..who knows. But there will be a time, when my child will feel let down by me.
My child is never going to forget it. And neither will yours.
And you may never know what emotional scar you left unless your child has the courage to tell you.
Just about everyone suffers from some type of ‘childhood trauma’. From mild trauma to severe.
You had a parent that always put you down, you had a parent that you felt betrayed you in some way, you had a parent that hit you, you had a parent that suffered from substance abuse, you had a parent that was never honest, you had a parent that was never there, you had a parent that favored your other siblings, you had a parent that didn’t choose you, you had a parent that didn’t believe you, your parent had a temper, your parent embarrassed you, etc……
We all have something that is THERE.
Something that left us confused, upset, concerned, worried, scared, alone, numb…something.
I can tell you, causing you pain was never their intention. Maybe there were other things going on in their life, maybe they were afraid, maybe they thought they were doing a good thing for you…..you know, you just don’t know what was going on in their head at the time. OR…..you don’t really know the results of their ‘childhood trauma’ and how it impacted and shaped their behaviors. Who knows….
(note: If your child is grown, you’re right, you can’t change the past. But you can tell them sorry. That will provide more relief then you know.)
When I look at my daughters I can only pray the scars I leave aren’t too severe. And I hope they will be comfortable enough to tell me when I have hurt their feelings or possibly done something they wish I hadn’t.
I think to myself…..what am I going to do, one day, where I am going to let you down. Even Nemo in the Kids movie ‘Finding Nemo’ said I hate you to his dad, do you remember?
My heart breaks knowing that I won’t be a perfect mom where they will grow up and say their childhood was perfect. It’s unrealistic. That’s not going to happen. I will make mistakes. I know I will, because I already do make mistakes, feel guilt, and have regrets.
It’s something inevitable, it’s going to happen.
Can you think of anything that your parent said to you or did that you have never forgot? Whether it’s big or small you remember exactly how it made you feel.
I have 3 things I will say to my children often that I hope will always bind us together and strengthen our relationships as years come and go.
I hope by saying these things often my children will have peace of mind and not be severely impacted and haunted for years to come by my actions or words that I have no idea will influence my child in the future.
They are below.
I LOVE YOU
I want to make sure I am saying this as much as possible to each child of mine. I hope my child never questions how much love I have for them. It’s not enough to just say it, but telling them why I love them. Expressing to them the joy they bring into my life. Sharing lessons they have taught me. WE know we love our children, but sometimes they don’t hear it enough or feel it enough. They need to hear it and feel it.
I AM PROUD OF YOU
I don’t want to just say those words after they accomplish something like a good grade on a test or a tournament won. I want to say these words just because. I don’t want my children to think they always have to impress me or accomplish something grand to hear these words. I will be proud of them everyday and I want them to know how proud I am to be their Mother.
I AM SORRY
This is a huge one. Being a parent, it’s hard to admit our faults. Especially, to our children. We don’t want to admit that we made a mistake or take ownership for something that we have done, because honestly…..sometimes we think we are in the right. WE think we are, but from a child’s perspective it’s completely different.
A child isn’t expecting an apology from their parent, but sometimes they need to hear it to move forward and let that burden go. I plan on saying sorry often. Sorry if I hurt their feelings, sorry if I couldn’t make their soccer game, sorry for saying NO, sorry for not being cool enough, just sorry. I will always be sorry any time I have upset them but I hope one day they will realize why I did the things I did, why I didn’t do the things they wanted and why I am who I am. I know there will be times that they need to hear this from me, and my hope is they can always forgive me
I know I will never be the best, but I will never give up trying to be the best that I can be.
Parenting is hard…..but it’s also the best gift in the world. A true gift from God and a blessing.