There are a couple of things that trigger us as parents.
(some may agree, some may disagree)
Here are a few.
- The tantrum that just WILL NOT stop
- The constant nagging for something
- Your child not listening
- The picking on/fighting with another child or sibling
- Almost everything they do or don’t do when you’re already in a bad mood
- When your child does something they already KNOW they shouldn’t have done
- [insert your trigger here]
I have two 3 year old’s. While I absolutely love that they can entertain each other, I also feel like I am constantly tested by their behaviors.
They feed off one another in the good and the bad ways.
If you have a toddler you know how much fun and entertaining they are, but, you also know how demanding and aggravating they can be. Am I right?
I had no idea that having toddlers would show me how little in control I was of my emotions, especially my anger.
I had moments where I would be screaming at them, crying, and honestly, I was throwing my own tantrums looking back now. I feel completely embarrassed.
I hated the feelings that took over after though, after anger set in. The guilt especially haunted me. I felt like a monster. I would lay in bed hating myself. I couldn’t even believe I let myself behave like that. I would think to myself…
What was wrong with me? Do other mothers lose their temper? What kind of impact would this leave on my children if I let this behavior continue?
Again, I would ask myself was what wrong with me. My lack of control really confused and startled me.
What I knew was, I needed to change. I needed to figure out the root cause of my anger episodes at my children. They did not deserve this. They are toddlers, they don’t know any better, they are currently in the stage of learning how to handle their own emotions and place in this world.
I read two statements that came from articles or blogs that really helped me to gain perspective. I really wish I could provide the sources but it was so long ago I have no idea the titles of blogs or articles I stumbled across. I found the reads through googling, and these particular words resonated with me. These aren’t the exact words below, but it is what I can recall.
1. Imagine your spouse talking to you the way you talk to your children.
2. Often times, we lose our temper with our children because they release unresolved childhood trauma.
Whoa, I thought when I read these statements. I would be absolutely crushed if my husband talked to me the way I was talking to my toddlers. That was a very, very, eye widening statement. Especially because I am super sensitive.
As for the second statement, I really had to search into my own childhood and figure out what was it that was holding me back. What was I subconsciously holding against them.
Getting angry and yelling at your toddlers is more common then you think.
You are not alone Mama.
Other moms face this same issue daily. I know this because I see it often in mommy groups on social media. They share the battles or demons that have taken over them. It’s a true struggle that is very powerful.
However, the good news is when you take the time to address your actions, figure out ways to progress, I can almost promise that you will feel so much better about your parenting. You will feel it and so will your children.
Remember progress is progress.
Looking at my behavior before to what it is now………I have definitely gained more self control and I am more aware of the effects of my behavior.
I am also more cautious and aware that my toddlers are learning how to react through situations by watching me. Especially me because I am around them the most. If I am going to continue to yell and lose myself in front of my children, then they will react the same way. This is my opportunity to grow into a better Mother and help them to handle their own stressful situations.
(Note: The only person you can control is you. You can’t control the others that spend time around your child or children. However you are their Mother. They look up to YOU and trust YOU the most.)
Below I would like to share with you 5 ways I have gained more control over my anger with my toddlers.
Anger moments will still happen. You’re human, you may slip once in a while. But be proud of every baby step that moves you forward toward being the Mother you wish to be
Learning To Control Your Anger With Your Toddler – 5 Ways To Gain More Control
- Read. Read. Read.
There are so many great articles, books, other blogs out there that discuss the impacts our behaviors have on our children. When you become more aware of what you are doing, you become determined to find some type of solution to an issue you may be facing. It creates a type of awareness to help you understand and hopefully be more empathetic with your child.
Reading these types of things are great because they provide a completely different type of view that you can learn and grow from. Whether you chose to apply what you read to your parenting is entirely up to you.
2. Breathe. Take 3 Long Breaths.
Before you react, take a quick moment to breathe and maybe even count to ten. During that time of breathe in breathe out you will find the appropriate way to react. A quick reaction to something that your toddler is doing or does can scare them and then it makes the situation worse then what it even needed to be.
I was seriously a yeller. I absolutely hated that I yelled so much. So now when I want to yell I just breathe first and talk to them in a calm manner. I may blankly stare at them for a bit but it’s way better then me yelling at them.
Instead of yelling try developing a different tone of voice when upset. Where when they hear that tone, they know Mama means business.
3. Remain Mindful.
Remain mindful when you’re children are near you. They are watching you, they are learning from you, they will mimic you. Children are like little sponges. It’s hard to get upset at them when they are just acting, like YOU.
If you train your mind to always be mindful when you feel the anger coming you will gain more control of how you react to certain incidents and situations. Think about their future, how do you want them to behave and act as they grow and mature. Be the person you want them to be.
4. Walk Away Or Ignore
There are going to be times where you are really tested and you’re going to have to walk away. Sometimes that really is best. For you, and for them.
Eventually, maybe, you won’t have to walk away.
Let this be a bridge to getting exactly where you want to be. But in the meantime it is OK to put them in their room and walk away. This will allow you to calm down, and them if they are behaving in a bad manner.
After everyone has calmed down go talk to your child. Explain why you had to walk away and why it’s difficult for you to be around your child when they act like that. Baby steps.
5. A Daily Devotional
A devotional book has helped me tremendously on controlling my anger. It allows me to appreciate all situations and to be grateful.
When I can appreciate what I am struggling with or going through my attitude and mindset is different. A daily devotional explores a different perspective and gets you thinking in a way that you don’t normally think. And with God’s help you are sure to conquer this obstacle you are currently facing and other obstacles that will appear later in this Motherly journey.
I think we can agree that despite the hard moments, there is nothing more joyful then being a Mother. What an amazing privilege.
Have you lost your temper with your toddler? You are not alone. Please comment any questions or concerns. Or please share what has helped you gained more control with your anger.
As always, thank you for reading.