Being a Mom can be challenging. That’s the truth, and for many different reasons and unique situations.
While Motherhood is absolutely amazing and very humbling, it’s full of struggles, hardship and what many other Mothers would call ‘Mom guilt’.
You really won’t hear too many Mothers going around talking about the struggles they have with parenting, a lot of times we keep our hard times to ourselves.
Why? Because we are ashamed to even have these feelings and emotions. We feel embarrassed and unworthy at times. It’s difficult when these types of moods occur.
I got to a point in this Motherhood journey where I knew I needed to change myself. Some of my actions were definitely uncalled for. How could I expect my little one to control their temper when I could barely control my own.
I found myself constantly complaining and it felt like I was pouring out nothing but negative things. I was loosing my patience on my toddlers. I was crying because of my behavior. I was disappointed in myself. I couldn’t believe some of the things I did and said. I truly felt unrecognizable.
My faith has always been important to me. Even more important and guiding once I became a Mother. I knew at this point where I was that I needed to be put in my place. I needed perspective and I needed an adjustment in my attitude.
When I decided that I needed to do something, a devotional book came to mind. In the past I would watch motivating videos on YouTube in hopes of being inspired or driven in some way. This time, I wanted something tangible and something that I could reference back to when needed.
I also knew a devotional book would strengthen my relationship with God, which is what I really needed. I needed help with Mothering my children because I was tired and burnt out to say the least.
I went onto amazon and I believe I typed in, ‘women’s devotional book’. Trusting God Day By Day: 365 Daily Devotionals by Joyce Meyer was one of the books that showed up in my search.
I choose that specific devotional book because of the numerous great reviews.
Mothers, I want you to try reading a devotional everyday, preferably from a devotional book. I personally suggest a book because more is said then just the devotional itself. Insight is shared, perspective is gained, and the author finds a way to connect you with their words, that you can apply to your every day life.
Try reading a devotional first thing in the morning, if not first thing in the morning then sometime during the day.
(note: When you are reading your devotional have your bible, a journal, and a pen handy. Write down whatever stands out to you, or write down more specifically, what it means to you.)
I would like to share that reading a devotional everyday has truly helped me with my Mothering. I am more patient then I was, I am more empathetic, and I have gained more self control.
A few slips are going to happen. You’re human. However you will get closer and closer to where you want to be. You got this Mama! I am praying for you!
This is the devotional book I am currently reading daily and I am so grateful!
I’m so incredibly thankful for this journey and my beautiful daughters who have brought new colors into my world. Thank you so much for reading. I hope this will bring more peace to you and your family if you choose to try this.
When I originally wrote this blog I focused on toddlers. However this still applies to kids in grad school!
Okay, let’s be real for a second. It really isn’t that hard to entertain a toddler. You give them an empty box and it’s the best thing ever. If you’re really feeling spontaneous give them a role of toilet paper and let them go crazy, they’ll get some giggles from that, seriously lol.
My point is, if you do a search for activities for toddlers you get a list of crazy sensory activities. It honestly overwhelms me. I know without doubt my toddler would absolutely love to do those activities. However, I personally just don’t have the patience to do all of it. I would have to go buy supplies, which means I would have to go to the store, and then come home and….yeah you get my point.
Call me lazy, but I prefer simplicity. With it being so hot this summer I need simple activities.
Look at her! Balloons and water! SIMPLE.
Below I have put together a simple list to do this summer with your toddler broken, into 3 categories.
Things To Do Outside
Things To Do Inside
Things To Do When You Have The Time, Money, Or Energy
sidenote: Mama, don’t feel you need to constantly entertain your toddler. Allow them to be bored and learn to entertain themselves. Letting them learn to entertain themselves enhances their imagination and creativity.
And some days, they will just want to watch movies or youtube ALL DAY. Let them. We all like to have lounge days sometimes, even toddlers.
THINGS TO DO OUTSIDE
Do a search in your community. Typically they are free to the public and a great way for your toddler to get wet and wild. Bonus is they will take a long nap afterwards!
2. During The Weekend Find A FREE CONCERT
You’d be surprised how many places have free concerts. Check events on social media and ask around. There’s a lake near where we live and they host summer evening concerts. Families come, bring snacks or pizza, and let their kids observe and dance!
3. “Paint The Garage”
Get a bucket of water, and some paintbrushes. Let your toddler dip the paintbrushes in the water and fling or “paint” your garage. They can see the water strokes and they really think they are painting. Harmless, clean, easy fun! Fun with sponges too!
4. Bubble FUN
I think we forget sometimes how much toddlers love bubbles. Make it a game and encourage them to pop the bubbles as fast as they can. You can find a cheap bubble maker at Walmart for like 9 bucks.
5. Go Fishing
Toddlers love new things and trying new things. We bought our girls fishing poles before a camping trip we went on. Before we actually took them real fishing my husband let them play with their poles. They spent a good hour just casting the string out and reeling it back in, in the front yard. So if there’s not a lake near you, let them pretend!
6. Play With Chalk
You can get so creative with chalk! It’s especially fun with you wet the chalk first and then start chalking the side walk. A fun way to explore tons of colors too!
7. Invest In A Water Activity Table
For my girls 3rd birthday we got them a water activity table from amazon that came with a few water toys. They can splash the water, pour cups, put their toys in, and it’s just a fun activity that doesn’t make a huge mess. The water dries and when you’re done, pour the water out. Perfect for those hot days when you want to get outside.
8. Get a Plastic OR Blow Up Pool
Perfect for those days when you don’t want to leave the house but you want your toddler to burn some energy. Sometimes a kiddy pool is more fun then an actual pool because you’re in the comfort of your own home.
9. Let Them Play With The Water Hose
Because this is just a classic summer activity. My toddlers have an absolute blast with the water hose. My husband gets a little mad because they make a mess getting water over everything lol, but they have so much fun with something so incredibly simple.
THINGS TO DO INSIDE
Build A Fort
Take the cushions of the couch, bring out the blankets and pillows, get the mattress off the bed! You can get extremely creative with this and it’s an easy clean up!
There was a time where I took our mattress and had half of the mattress on the floor and half of it on the actual bed. It became a slide for my girls and they had SO MUCH FUN climbing on the bed and sliding down the mattress. That is pure, cheap, entertainment.This kept them occupied for quite some time let me tell you.
2. Turn Some Music On, AND DANCE
Who cares if you don’t dance well, your toddler isn’t going to judge you. Your toddler will love dancing with you. Bonus- you’re also working out. #momwin
3. Do A CRAFT
Don’t make this too complicated. Let them create art with finger paint or let them make a macaroni necklace. Keep it simple mama.
4. Make Rice Krispy Treats
They will love you forever first of all, and this is something really fun they can help with.
5. GET YOUR TODDLER A WATER DOODLE MAT
Just trust me on this. It’s the best ever. You can buy these mats on amazon. Check out the reviews!
6. READ BOOKS
Need I say more. Buy some puppets and have them read. Become extremely animated as you read them a story. A great way for your toddler to learn and for you to bond together.
THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU HAVE THE TIME, MONEY, OR ENERGY
Go To The Movies
Visit a Museum
Take Them To a Trampoline Park or Some type of Kid Zone
Take Advantage of “toddler time” at specific places
Visit the library Or A Barnes And Noble
Wishing you a cool summer! xoxo
What will you be doing this summer with your toddler! Drop it in the comments!
There are a couple of things that trigger us as parents.
(some may agree, some may disagree)
Here are a few.
The tantrum that just WILL NOT stop
The constant nagging for something
Your child not listening
The picking on/fighting with another child or sibling
Almost everything they do or don’t do when you’re already in a bad mood
When your child does something they already KNOW they shouldn’t have done
[insert your trigger here]
I have two 3 year old’s. While I absolutely love that they can entertain each other, I also feel like I am constantly tested by their behaviors.
They feed off one another in the good and the bad ways.
If you have a toddler you know how much fun and entertaining they are, but, you also know how demanding and aggravating they can be. Am I right?
I had no idea that having toddlers would show me how little in control I was of my emotions, especially my anger.
I had moments where I would be screaming at them, crying, and honestly, I was throwing my own tantrums looking back now. I feel completely embarrassed.
I hated the feelings that took over after though, after anger set in. The guilt especially haunted me. I felt like a monster. I would lay in bed hating myself. I couldn’t even believe I let myself behave like that. I would think to myself…
What was wrong with me? Do other mothers lose their temper? What kind of impact would this leave on my children if I let this behavior continue?
Again, I would ask myself was what wrong with me. My lack of control really confused and startled me.
What I knew was, I needed to change. I needed to figure out the root cause of my anger episodes at my children. They did not deserve this. They are toddlers, they don’t know any better, they are currently in the stage of learning how to handle their own emotions and place in this world.
I read two statements that came from articles or blogs that really helped me to gain perspective. I really wish I could provide the sources but it was so long ago I have no idea the titles of blogs or articles I stumbled across. I found the reads through googling, and these particular words resonated with me. These aren’t the exact words below, but it is what I can recall.
1. Imagine your spouse talking to you the way you talk to your children.
2. Often times, we lose our temper with our children because they release unresolved childhood trauma.
Whoa, I thought when I read these statements. I would be absolutely crushed if my husband talked to me the way I was talking to my toddlers. That was a very, very, eye widening statement. Especially because I am super sensitive.
As for the second statement, I really had to search into my own childhood and figure out what was it that was holding me back. What was I subconsciously holding against them.
Getting angry and yelling at your toddlers is more common then you think.
You are not alone Mama.
Other moms face this same issue daily. I know this because I see it often in mommy groups on social media. They share the battles or demons that have taken over them. It’s a true struggle that is very powerful.
However, the good news is when you take the time to address your actions, figure out ways to progress, I can almost promise that you will feel so much better about your parenting. You will feel it and so will your children.
Remember progress is progress.
Looking at my behavior before to what it is now………I have definitely gained more self control and I am more aware of the effects of my behavior.
I am also more cautious and aware that my toddlers are learning how to react through situations by watching me. Especially me because I am around them the most. If I am going to continue to yell and lose myself in front of my children, then they will react the same way. This is my opportunity to grow into a better Mother and help them to handle their own stressful situations.
(Note: The only person you can control is you. You can’t control the others that spend time around your child or children. However you are their Mother. They look up to YOU and trust YOU the most.)
Below I would like to share with you 5 ways I have gained more control over my anger with my toddlers.
Anger moments will still happen. You’re human, you may slip once in a while. But be proud of every baby step that moves you forward toward being the Mother you wish to be
Learning To Control Your Anger With Your Toddler – 5 Ways To Gain More Control
Read. Read. Read.
There are so many great articles, books, other blogs out there that discuss the impacts our behaviors have on our children. When you become more aware of what you are doing, you become determined to find some type of solution to an issue you may be facing. It creates a type of awareness to help you understand and hopefully be more empathetic with your child.
Reading these types of things are great because they provide a completely different type of view that you can learn and grow from. Whether you chose to apply what you read to your parenting is entirely up to you.
2. Breathe. Take 3 Long Breaths.
Before you react, take a quick moment to breathe and maybe even count to ten. During that time of breathe in breathe out you will find the appropriate way to react. A quick reaction to something that your toddler is doing or does can scare them and then it makes the situation worse then what it even needed to be.
I was seriously a yeller. I absolutely hated that I yelled so much. So now when I want to yell I just breathe first and talk to them in a calm manner. I may blankly stare at them for a bit but it’s way better then me yelling at them.
Instead of yelling try developing a different tone of voice when upset. Where when they hear that tone, they know Mama means business.
3. Remain Mindful.
Remain mindful when you’re children are near you. They are watching you, they are learning from you, they will mimic you. Children are like little sponges. It’s hard to get upset at them when they are just acting, like YOU.
If you train your mind to always be mindful when you feel the anger coming you will gain more control of how you react to certain incidents and situations. Think about their future, how do you want them to behave and act as they grow and mature. Be the person you want them to be.
4. Walk Away Or Ignore
There are going to be times where you are really tested and you’re going to have to walk away. Sometimes that really is best. For you, and for them.
Eventually, maybe, you won’t have to walk away.
Let this be a bridge to getting exactly where you want to be. But in the meantime it is OK to put them in their room and walk away. This will allow you to calm down, and them if they are behaving in a bad manner.
After everyone has calmed down go talk to your child. Explain why you had to walk away and why it’s difficult for you to be around your child when they act like that. Baby steps.
5. A Daily Devotional
A devotional book has helped me tremendously on controlling my anger. It allows me to appreciate all situations and to be grateful.
When I can appreciate what I am struggling with or going through my attitude and mindset is different. A daily devotional explores a different perspective and gets you thinking in a way that you don’t normally think. And with God’s help you are sure to conquer this obstacle you are currently facing and other obstacles that will appear later in this Motherly journey.
I think we can agree that despite the hard moments, there is nothing more joyful then being a Mother. What an amazing privilege.
Have you lost your temper with your toddler? You are not alone. Please comment any questions or concerns. Or please share what has helped you gained more control with your anger.
Remember how much freedom you and your spouse had before you had kids? Sleeping in together, staying out late, going wherever and whenever you wanted, you can recall I’m sure. Now your schedules are almost entirely planned around your kids. And you notice how you’re always busy now? It’s crazy right.
Having kids completely changes your lifestyle and it changes your relationship with your significant other.
You will face many challenges together with raising children. In this post I am only going to discuss one challenge and share with you what has worked for my husband and myself.
Distracting you and your spouse from spending quality time together.
When you have kids, it can be a little challenging to maintain that one on one time with your spouse. With dates and intimacy.
It’s so important to keep your relationship thriving even when you have children. Let this be an opportunity to get creative and step outside your box.
My husband and I love our daughters so much. They are our world. However we do have moments where we reminisce about how spontaneous we were in the past and how completely oblivious we were to our freedom.
It’s amazing how you don’t really recognize how much freedom you have until a child enters your life.
Something we both have learned with having kids is time together has to be planned and scheduled.
Of course that’s not how it is all the time, but I would say a majority of time if we want to be alone it has to be planned in advance.
Just because you and your spouse have kids now doesn’t mean the love needs to be let go. Your relationship still needs to be a priority. And yes, it will take more work then what it did in the past.
I’m sure some of you are thinking, well I don’t have a baby sitter, or our schedules are so different, or possibly, I try but he isn’t willing, etc,
As I mentioned previously, this is an opportunity to get creative.
If you can’t get a babysitter or don’t feel comfortable leaving your children yet don’t sweat it. That was exactly how my husband and I were. We would have “at home dates” and still do! I would have our girls skip nap time so they would go to sleep early so we could spend time together, just me and him.
(As I said, we still do this. Some of the evenings of just eating ice cream together or watching something on TV take me and him back to the old days.)
When your schedules are different you need to take advantage of every moment together.
For example: You two only have mornings together. Maybe share coffee together and do a question of the day about one another. Remember, step outside the box.
(Note: Stay off your phones when you two are together. How many times have you witnessed a couple out together and they are both on their phones. Talk, listen, hold hands, BE PRESENT.)
Both of you need to be willing to try new things. If one of you is trying and one of you isn’t, there may be a deeper issue that needs to be resolved.
In that case, I might suggest help from a professional.
Discuss Your Relationship.
You two need to be on the same page and open to embracing this new chapter in your relationship. You won’t have to be so creative forever or plan every moment together forever. Your children are going to grow up.
But are you both happy right now? Have you sensed that you two are drifting apart or something just feels different. More then likely both of you aren’t getting enough attention from one another.
If these emotions have occurred this is your relationship craving some immediate attention. If you’re reading this there’s good possibility you’re in this situation.
In a nutshell I am saying, TAKE ACTION. Don’t allow your children to be the excuse anymore.
Here Are A Few Moments To Always Take Advantage Of:
When they are on a play date or at a friends or with family
When they are glued to a game or YouTube
A Family Gathering
A birthday party
When they fall asleep in the car
In the morning before they wake up
When they head to school
…you get the idea.
These are all opportunities where you two can discuss something, plan something, do something, etc. Both kids fell asleep in the car? Go get something in the drive-thru, pull over, and enjoy it together. Kids are sleeping? uh, HELLO! Have some private time. At a gathering of some sort? There’s enough adults watching the kids, get playful. You can still be spontaneous, it will just be in a different way.
Also, it’s definitely more then OK to put other things on pause to give your spouse the attention they deserve and need.
Keep the sizzle and have fun. You’ll be laughing about these moments in the future and sharing them with your children.
A book I would highly recommend to strengthen your relationship with your spouse is titled The 5 Languages Of Love by Gary Chapman.
I definitely recommend this book even if your relationship is thriving right now! It’s an amazing eye opener and will bring you two even closer.
What works for you and your spouse, I’d love to hear it!