Dear Readers: I Can’t Sleep

Sometimes I have nights like this.

Where I just sit awake while the rest of my family sleeps soundly. It’s so quiet right now. Any movement seems to leave an echo. Typically when these kinds of nights happen it’s because I have so much on my mind. My brain just can’t digest all these thoughts and feelings. Anxiety is looking for attention.

I brought this upon myself though. When you’re reading a book about death and experiences of those in hospice and their last moments it’s bound to take a toll on you. I feel anchored at the moment. These stories that I have been reading…… I can’t even find the right words. They make my heart ache, literally, but they also inspire me so deeply. I’m in a trance. It’s like walking through dark woods but discovering undiscovered fruit.

It’s so beautiful. These stories. Life amazes me. Humans amaze me. This experience of life is just miraculous and incredibly surreal when I acknowledge it. How is all of this possible? How are there so many patterns? What does it all really mean? Questions we won’t get in this lifetime, I don’t think, but it’s fun to wonder about. I feel chosen in a way.

Sometimes I feel alone in these thoughts. I know I’m not but sometimes it feels that way. How does this world not recognize how insane all of this is. There’s an acceptance I guess, while I’m still asking so many questions and searching for answers. I am one who believes though that world peace is very possible.

But it takes each individual to deeply look inside themselves. To want to better themselves. Swallow our pride and admit our faults. And continue to love and persevere. And you know, some don’t know how to love. There is pain deep in their roots. That is true.

It is up to us however to show them love, that we may liberate and heal those souls who are hurting and hiding. But it’s more than loving, it’s also just listening. Some just want to be heard and understood.

Isn’t that what we all really want?

– m.g.

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