Category: dear readers

Dear Readers: I Can’t Sleep

The Wild Gems2 Comments

Sometimes I have nights like this.

Where I just sit awake while the rest of my family sleeps soundly. It’s so quiet right now. Any movement seems to leave an echo. Typically when these kinds of nights happen it’s because I have so much on my mind. My brain just can’t digest all these thoughts and feelings. Anxiety is looking for attention.

I brought this upon myself though. When you’re reading a book about death and experiences of those in hospice and their last moments it’s bound to take a toll on you. I feel anchored at the moment. These stories that I have been reading…… I can’t even find the right words. They make my heart ache, literally, but they also inspire me so deeply. I’m in a trance. It’s like walking through dark woods but discovering undiscovered fruit.

It’s so beautiful. These stories. Life amazes me. Humans amaze me. This experience of life is just miraculous and incredibly surreal when I acknowledge it. How is all of this possible? How are there so many patterns? What does it all really mean? Questions we won’t get in this lifetime, I don’t think, but it’s fun to wonder about. I feel chosen in a way.

Sometimes I feel alone in these thoughts. I know I’m not but sometimes it feels that way. How does this world not recognize how insane all of this is. There’s an acceptance I guess, while I’m still asking so many questions and searching for answers. I am one who believes though that world peace is very possible.

But it takes each individual to deeply look inside themselves. To want to better themselves. Swallow our pride and admit our faults. And continue to love and persevere. And you know, some don’t know how to love. There is pain deep in their roots. That is true.

It is up to us however to show them love, that we may liberate and heal those souls who are hurting and hiding. But it’s more than loving, it’s also just listening. Some just want to be heard and understood.

Isn’t that what we all really want?

– m.g.

Dear Readers: I’m Having A Motherhood Moment

The Wild Gems2 Comments

I’m currently reading a new read and it’s already making me teary eyed. I rather not share the title. I feel like it’s a bit morbid and possibly triggering. But as I’m reading I put the book down and I just think about how much I love my children. I think about how all my choices have them in mind.

Motherhood changed me.

It wasn’t about me any more, it was about them. I understood how important my role was and whether I am a “good mother” or “bad mother” that I was going to play a huge role in their life.

That’s a lot of pressure. Becoming aware how much I would be influencing my children…. just really stressed me out. And it still does sometimes. I may say or do something and then think, “great, did I just scar my kid.” I knew I was going to make mistakes. And I know I’ll continue to make mistakes. You just hope the good outweighs the bad.

Everything I do now is for my children though. Bettering myself is for them. Even when I go spend time with my friends I do it for them in hopes they will recognize that it’s important to do things for yourself too.

This is a role that I know was meant for me. I’ve known since I was a child really. More than anything I couldn’t wait to become a mother.

Before I was even a mother my worst fear was that I wouldn’t be a mother. How badly I wanted this, but also how much of this yearning felt like a calling. I just knew I needed to be a mom.

I just pray a lot. I try to anyway. I remind myself to pray without ceasing because truthfully I don’t know. I don’t know how this will all play out. I feel like a child in this world with so many questions. How there’s so much beauty but also so much sadness. And the sadness seems amplified when you’re a mother.

I have to trust that everything will be as it needs to be. That it will all be okay. And I do believe that.

My children reveal their innocence to me daily, and how badly I just want to protect them and shield them from the nightmares of this world. However sooner or later the truth will begin to unravel and I know many fears will begin to set in. And that breaks my heart.

I work on my bravery for them. I want to be the best example for them. It’s so hard though. So many answers I do not have. But I just know and believe that if my children have a strong faith and spirituality then they will be okay. They will persevere and they will choose love always.

The only way that may be possible is if I have a strong faith to pass to them. I work on understanding and becoming closer to God so that I may be the one to introduce them to that door that will lead to many beautiful things. I believe so much that our relationship with the high power is crucial in this life.

Do I have my doubts sometimes, of course I do. But my children have doubts in me sometimes too. So am I really any different?

I want to lead them to a life where they feel constant love and assurance. When they are feeling afraid they can close their eyes and pass it to God. I want them to find comfort easily and to develop compassion for all.

So many wishes for my children. I know I’m kind of rambling. But sometimes you just have to share your thoughts and be vulnerable. Admit that your afraid at times and share that you don’t know everything.

How I just want them to know how much I love them, but does a child ever really know how much a parent loves them?

With love,

m.g.

2022 End Of Year Reflections With The Gems

The Wild Gems1 Comment
Worksheet Credit: Bohobeautifullife

Yesterday morning we sat down at the dining table that is covered in scratches and memories with a black and white notepad and a blue R.S.V.P. pen and we discussed and wrote down our reflections for the year. I was originally going to do this personally but then I thought it would be super fun and interesting to listen to my daughters answers on these specific questions. I also felt it would be some overall good bonding time.

It was an opportunity to really recognize our accomplishments and things that we each want to work on.

It was very humorous listening to their responses. They each listened to each other and we giggled about things that we actually forgot until we were encouraged to remember. Now that we have finished our reflections I think we’ll look at some photos from this year and begin our 2023 visions.

– love from TheWildGems

Dear Readers: I Cut My Hair And I Love It

The Wild Gems2 Comments

First of all my hair was pretty long before I made the chop. Long to where I could be braless and you wouldn’t see anything. Hair goals.

I was so eager to cut my hair though, and for awhile! However I made the commitment to myself to wait till after my friends wedding. I wanted a pretty hairstyle because you know, it was a wedding.

One of my friends actually became concerned that I wanted to cut my hair when I voiced it on Instagram. She sent me a message asking if I was okay. And then we talked on the phone while she continuously wanted to make sure I was fine.

Because you know, when most people chop off their hair it’s because they may be going through something. Like a divorce. That’s what my hair stylist said anyway.

But listen, I really just wanted to cut my hair. I wanted a change and I felt like cutting my hair would kind of be like shedding one’s shin. Making room for growth. You know?

My hair had a beautiful hoorah before I cut these beautiful locks I should say. Check it out!

It’s called a bubble braid in case you were wondering.

I told you it was long.

The Wedding happen and 2 days layer, I mean later, (that truly was a typo) my hair was chopped! Amazing how it took me so long to grow my hair that long and took an instant to just snip time away.

What do you think?

I am loving it!

This was my before
This is after. Right to my shoulders/collarbone. A blunt type cut.

3 Reasons Why You’ll Loving Having Short Hair if you’ve been thinking about cutting yours too

1. Showers are soooooo nice

Washing long hair can be a pain in the butt! And you don’t even really realize how much of a pain it is until you have short hair! The shampoo just lathers so beautifully, and you only need just a little bit of conditioner. Compared to using a handful of it.

It just feels so good, I promise!

2. Much Easier To Style

You are going to save so much time my friend. Your hair dries so fast when it’s short and whether you are straightening or curling your hair it’s less tedious overall.

And if you don’t feel like styling your hair, well good news is that short ponytails are super cute!

3. It’s Liberating

You will feel like a new person. Looking at myself with long hair now, in retrospect I feel different. Obviously it’s me but theres a level of confidence that comes with chopping your hair off.

Good bye all that does not serve me! Or good bye bad energy that was just lingering! Or good bye…. You get the idea.
Short hair don’t care. Thanks boo.
Long hair was so fun. But I think I might keep short for awhile.
More polished.

If you’re thinking about cutting your hair just do it!!

– mg xox

Dear Readers: Since Childhood Writing Has Been A Coping Mechanism For Me

The Wild Gems2 Comments

Dear Readers,

I’m going to create a category called “dear readers” where I can be transparent and raw with my feelings and experiences for a moment. A way to release all that does not serve me in a positive way. I would like to reveal a vulnerable side of myself to better connect with all that follow this blog.

But as well, I would like to write these to share with my children one day.

I’ve reached a point where I desperately need to express and empty in writing all these unresolved emotions and “traumas” that I have been carrying for many years. I do not wish to past these to my children. But I hope to gain solutions and euphonies to help them when they face these obstacles one day.

I’m not really into your typical therapy. Talking about it can only do so much for me. Writing and reading are my therapy. I have to write it all down. I have think about it. I have to soak myself in emotion and words and allow myself to shiver.

It’s a puzzle that I know only I can truly solve.

Since childhood writing has always been a therapeutic tool for me. A way to strip the emotional pain or negative emotions from myself.

It’s always been a processing tactic for me. The only thing was, I would write it all down and then just completely ignore what I wrote. Well I’m older now and instead of ignoring the problems after I write I’m digging deeper for discoveries to better myself.

Writing was the release…..but as my love for reading has grown I also know how reading others writings can encourage and help others. Which is why I decide to share and write what I do on this blog.

My mom was in an abusive relationship during a good chunk of my childhood. Lots of screaming and crying behind closed doors. And I would hear her get thrown around often behind those closed doors. I know they didn’t want to fight in front of us, but our ears provided plenty of visuals.

This could be where my love for writing stemmed from honestly. I would write as they would be fighting. Expressing my hate for my stepdad. I would write prayers for help. It was all so sad really. The most vivid memories of this are from ages 9, maybe 8 to 14.

I know it was sad because there was a moment where I sat down (I’m thinking early 20s) and read those old childhood journals and it disturbed me so much that I didn’t want to remember any of those memories ever again. So I destroyed those journals.

But just because the words are destroyed doesn’t mean the actual memories are erased. My body still remembers.

Being much older now and developing a more sense of self I regret destroying those time capsules. Because now I’m really trying to heal myself to be a better mother to my children and those journals were like a cheat sheet to healing.

And now it’s like playing a guessing game. Something will trigger me and I’m sitting there left and confused, pondering it all day.

Truth be told I thought I was completely fine and “happy”. It wasn’t until I had children that all my repressed emotions began to expose themselves like weeds during a rainy season.

There’s a great part of me that sometimes feels overwhelmed, like now for example. Where I have to sit in a puddle of feels and just think about it.

It’s like, thinking you aced a test and then getting your test back and seeing that you failed. Sometimes I feel/think like “I’m healed, I’m good. I’m past it all.” I think that I can officially move forward and then I’ll have a humbling moment (usually provided to me by my kids) and I’m left dumbfounded. I’ve been shown that my emotions from my past are still greatly controlling me. That the work is definitely not complete.

It’s extremely frustrating. Parenting. Having “screw up” moments is really hard. Putting your tail between your legs in front of your children is super hard.

You want to be the best mother for your children however life shows you that you’re still a child yourself and that you’ve got lots of growing to still do.

Anyways, today I share and tell and I’m looking forward to sharing more.

Lots of love always,

m.g.