“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
– Carl Jung
Why do we sometimes get triggered by our children’s emotions?
One word: Projection.
It sounds simple, but it’s layered and deeply human. Projection means we unconsciously place our own unresolved feelings onto others—often without realizing it. And with parenting, this tends to show up when our kids express emotions we weren’t allowed to feel growing up.
When Their Emotions Stir Something In Us
Let’s say your child starts crying over something that seems small—maybe they can’t get their shoes on. You feel irritation rise. You say, “You’re fine. Stop crying. It’s not a big deal.”
But under that reaction might be this:
You weren’t allowed to cry when you were small. You were told to toughen up. Crying meant weakness. And now, when your child does what you weren’t permitted to do, it brings up old pain you never had space to process.
What you’re feeling isn’t just about their emotion—it’s about your history with that emotion.
How Do We Break the Cycle?
1. Pause Before Reacting
Even a brief pause creates space. In that moment, silently ask yourself:
“What am I feeling right now?” “Is this about them… or something unresolved in me?”
This small habit can change everything.
2. Get Curious Instead of Controlling
Shift from, “This needs to stop,” to, “What are they trying to express?”
Emotions are messages. Our children are not giving us a hard time—they’re having a hard time.
3. Reflect on Your Own Story
Later, when things are quiet, explore:
“Was I allowed to feel this as a child?” “What did I learn about emotions like anger or sadness?”
Self-awareness is the first door to healing.
4. Reparent Yourself as You Parent Your Child
When your child is upset, respond with:
To them: “It’s okay to feel that way. I’m here.” To yourself: “I wasn’t taught this, but I’m learning now. We’re both safe.”
You’re not just raising a child—you’re healing generations.
5. Offer Yourself Compassion
Getting triggered doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means there’s something inside you that’s asking to be felt, seen, and gently loved. The more grace you give yourself, the more you’ll have to give.
This work isn’t easy. But every time you choose to pause, to stay present, and to feel instead of react, you are breaking a cycle—and building a new legacy.
One where emotion is not feared, but welcomed.
One where your child feels safe to be fully themselves.
And one where you get to heal in the process.
The Wild Gems 