Remember how much freedom you and your spouse had before you had kids? Sleeping in together, staying out late, going wherever and whenever you wanted, you can recall I’m sure. Now your schedules are almost entirely planned around your kids. And you notice how you’re always busy now? It’s crazy right.
Having kids completely changes your lifestyle and it changes your relationship with your significant other.
You will face many challenges together with raising children. In this post I am only going to discuss one challenge and share with you what has worked for my husband and myself.
The Challenge:
Distracting you and your spouse from spending quality time together.
When you have kids, it can be a little challenging to maintain that one on one time with your spouse. With dates and intimacy.
It’s so important to keep your relationship thriving even when you have children. Let this be an opportunity to get creative and step outside your box.
My husband and I love our daughters so much. They are our world. However we do have moments where we reminisce about how spontaneous we were in the past and how completely oblivious we were to our freedom.
It’s amazing how you don’t really recognize how much freedom you have until a child enters your life.
Something we both have learned with having kids is time together has to be planned and scheduled.
Of course that’s not how it is all the time, but I would say a majority of time if we want to be alone it has to be planned in advance.
Just because you and your spouse have kids now doesn’t mean the love needs to be let go. Your relationship still needs to be a priority. And yes, it will take more work then what it did in the past.
I’m sure some of you are thinking, well I don’t have a baby sitter, or our schedules are so different, or possibly, I try but he isn’t willing, etc,
As I mentioned previously, this is an opportunity to get creative.
If you can’t get a babysitter or don’t feel comfortable leaving your children yet don’t sweat it. That was exactly how my husband and I were. We would have “at home dates” and still do! I would have our girls skip nap time so they would go to sleep early so we could spend time together, just me and him.
(As I said, we still do this. Some of the evenings of just eating ice cream together or watching something on TV take me and him back to the old days.)
When your schedules are different you need to take advantage of every moment together.
For example: You two only have mornings together. Maybe share coffee together and do a question of the day about one another. Remember, step outside the box.
(Note: Stay off your phones when you two are together. How many times have you witnessed a couple out together and they are both on their phones. Talk, listen, hold hands, BE PRESENT.)
Both of you need to be willing to try new things. If one of you is trying and one of you isn’t, there may be a deeper issue that needs to be resolved.
In that case, I might suggest help from a professional.
Discuss Your Relationship.
You two need to be on the same page and open to embracing this new chapter in your relationship. You won’t have to be so creative forever or plan every moment together forever. Your children are going to grow up.
But are you both happy right now? Have you sensed that you two are drifting apart or something just feels different. More then likely both of you aren’t getting enough attention from one another.
If these emotions have occurred this is your relationship craving some immediate attention. If you’re reading this there’s good possibility you’re in this situation.
In a nutshell I am saying, TAKE ACTION. Don’t allow your children to be the excuse anymore.
Here Are A Few Moments To Always Take Advantage Of:
- Bed time
- Nap time
- When they are on a play date or at a friends or with family
- When they are glued to a game or YouTube
- A Family Gathering
- A birthday party
- When they fall asleep in the car
- In the morning before they wake up
- When they head to school
…you get the idea.
These are all opportunities where you two can discuss something, plan something, do something, etc. Both kids fell asleep in the car? Go get something in the drive-thru, pull over, and enjoy it together. Kids are sleeping? uh, HELLO! Have some private time. At a gathering of some sort? There’s enough adults watching the kids, get playful. You can still be spontaneous, it will just be in a different way.
Also, it’s definitely more then OK to put other things on pause to give your spouse the attention they deserve and need.
Keep the sizzle and have fun. You’ll be laughing about these moments in the future and sharing them with your children.
A book I would highly recommend to strengthen your relationship with your spouse is titled The 5 Languages Of Love by Gary Chapman.
I definitely recommend this book even if your relationship is thriving right now! It’s an amazing eye opener and will bring you two even closer.
What works for you and your spouse, I’d love to hear it!
The Wild Gems 