Comfortable Pregnancy Apparel Must-Haves For Your Growing Baby Bump

Something that you’re going to have to do when you’re pregnant is…..go shopping and get some new clothes! As if you need a reason to shop, am I right?!

It’s when your precious little bump begins to grow that your everyday clothing becomes well, a little uncomfortable to say the least.

You can only use a hair tie for so long to keep your pants together until you just can’t anymore.

If you’re not using a hair tie you’re probably using a pregnancy belly band. Which are great and super convenient by the way! I definitely recommend those in the beginning. But, eventually even that belly band soon becomes uncomfortable and you want your growing belly to be free and less compressed.

When everything starts feeling too tight let that be sign that it’s time to shop and change up your wardrobe for the next couple of months.

Maybe you’re thinking well what should I buy or wear? I’m only assuming that because you’re reading this. The simple answer is, get what’s comfortable TO YOU.

With this being my second pregnancy I am going to share with you the MUST-HAVES for your pregnancy wardrobe!

MUST HAVES FOR YOUR GROWING BABY BUMP

Maternity leggings

You can buy maternity leggings online or a maternity clothing store. I would suggest getting a least 2 pairs of maternity leggings. If you’re on the petite side you can also save yourself some money and just buy the next size up!

Overalls

I really enjoyed wearing overalls while pregnant. I got a pair of shorts overalls at tjmaxx that I loved to wear. They weren’t exactly maternity overalls, I just ended up buying one pair 3 sizes up. Typically overalls are pretty baggy when you buy at your size, so buying up should work for you too!

Cute and stylish, perfect for warm weather.

Maternity jeans (below the belly)

Belly the belly is just my own personal preference. You can buy maternity jeans that have a belly band, but to me it’s really not that comfortable. But remember, do what’s comfortable for you. 

You can find super cute, inexpensive maternity jeans at Target. I would suggest just getting at least one or two pairs of jeans for your pregnancy.

Maternity shorts (below the belly)

Being pregnant in the spring and summer, maternity shorts were a must for me!

I found cute, inexpensive maternity shorts at Target. I would suggest just getting at least one or two pairs of shorts for yourself if you’re pregnant during these warmer seasons.

A nightgown

Yes, girl. Get a nightgown. A nightgown while pregnant has been my best friend. When you think nightgown I know it doesn’t sound too attractive. However you can find some really cute or sexy ones on amazon. And of course Target has nightgowns too that will work during your pregnancy. What doesn’t Target have! I would suggest at least 2 night gowns.

sidenote: Will also be perfect postpartum!

Loose dresses (not form fitting)

Although form fitting dresses while pregnant are fun because it accentuates your belly, they aren’t that comfortable. I found myself feeling extremely bloated when I would wear form fitting clothing while pregnant.

Loose dresses are extremely convenient, stylish, and again, comfortable!

Drawstring linen pants/boho pants

Tjmaxx my friend. I found drawstring linen pants at Tjmaxx that were light, affordable, and cozy. If you don’t have much luck there I’d suggest amazon. At least 2 pairs will get you through.

Birkenstock Style Sandals

If you can afford Birkenstock sandals get some!

Don’t worry if you can’t though! That’s why I put Birkenstock style. I found a pair of generic Birkenstock sandals at a grocery store market place! Yeah, a grocery store! The sandals have hands down been my favorite footwear throughout my pregnancy! One pair is all you need. I highly recommend.

Now as for tops….

I would suggest just buying tops that are the next few sizes up. No need to really buy tops that are specifically maternity style unless you gotta have it because the design is cute.

Can’t find anything in the woman’s sections, try the men’s section! My husbands shirts were the best for this growing bump!

Clothing that is labeled ‘maternity’ can be really expensive, you’ll come to find a few sizes up works just fine. 

HAPPY SHOPPING MAMA BEAR! Have fun with it!

I told you I really enjoyed wearing overalls while pregnant! 36 weeks right here! Bump is a little hidden as you can tell, but still so much fun to wear!

@coffeewafflesandmotherhood – find me on Instagram!

If You Have Been Experiencing Mom Guilt, I Want You To Try This

Being a Mom can be challenging. That’s the truth, and for many different reasons and unique situations.

While Motherhood is absolutely amazing and very humbling, it’s full of struggles, hardship and what many other Mothers would call ‘Mom guilt’.

You really won’t hear too many Mothers going around talking about the struggles they have with parenting, a lot of times we keep our hard times to ourselves.

Why? Because we are ashamed to even have these feelings and emotions. We feel embarrassed and unworthy at times. It’s difficult when these types of moods occur.

I got to a point in this Motherhood journey where I knew I needed to change myself. Some of my actions were definitely uncalled for. How could I expect my little one to control their temper when I could barely control my own.

I found myself constantly complaining and it felt like I was pouring out nothing but negative things. I was loosing my patience on my toddlers. I was crying because of my behavior. I was disappointed in myself. I couldn’t believe some of the things I did and said. I truly felt unrecognizable.

My faith has always been important to me. Even more important and guiding once I became a Mother. I knew at this point where I was that I needed to be put in my place. I needed perspective and I needed an adjustment in my attitude.

When I decided that I needed to do something, a devotional book came to mind. In the past I would watch motivating videos on YouTube in hopes of being inspired or driven in some way. This time, I wanted something tangible and something that I could reference back to when needed.

I also knew a devotional book would strengthen my relationship with God, which is what I really needed. I needed help with Mothering my children because I was tired and burnt out to say the least.

I went onto amazon and I believe I typed in, ‘women’s devotional book’. Trusting God Day By Day: 365 Daily Devotionals by Joyce Meyer was one of the books that showed up in my search.

I choose that specific devotional book because of the numerous great reviews.

Mothers, I want you to try reading a devotional everyday, preferably from a devotional book. I personally suggest a book because more is said then just the devotional itself. Insight is shared, perspective is gained, and the author finds a way to connect you with their words, that you can apply to your every day life.

Try reading a devotional first thing in the morning, if not first thing in the morning then sometime during the day. 

(note: When you are reading your devotional have your bible, a journal, and a pen handy. Write down whatever stands out to you, or write down more specifically, what it means to you.)

I would like to share that reading a devotional everyday has truly helped me with my Mothering. I am more patient then I was, I am more empathetic, and I have gained more self control.

A few slips are going to happen. You’re human. However you will get closer and closer to where you want to be. You got this Mama! I am praying for you!

This is the devotional book I am currently reading daily and I am so grateful!

I’m so incredibly thankful for this journey and my beautiful daughters who have brought new colors into my world. Thank you so much for reading. I hope this will bring more peace to you and your family if you choose to try this.

@coffeewafflesandmotherhood

I Love Being A GIRL MOM- 5 things to love about having a girl!

When I was pregnant with my first, a little part of me thought our first would be a baby girl. Oh my goodness, a baby girl I would think, how fun that would be!

I didn’t want to get my hopes up or make any assumptions though. I would be happy with whatever our baby was.

Regardless the sex of your baby, it’s a gift! Am I right!?

When they told us at the ultrasound appointment that the baby was a girl I got so excited! And my husband became white in the face! Lol I remember asking if he was okay, it was hilarious. Although, I didn’t want to get too excited. What if they made a mistake. It does happen!

When my little baby was born and they confirmed it was a baby girl my heart just about exploded with joy! Like, I just gave birth to my best friend!

When my first daughter was 10 months, we welcomed another baby girl into our family who would soon enough be ours permanently. It was girl power in our house! I had 2 precious little girls!!!!

And now I’m pregnant again, with you guessed it! A baby girl!

I love it so much and I am so incredibly thankful. I can honestly say too that my husband loves being a girl dad. It’s never a dull moment as you other girl moms know!

 

A daughter is…

a star glimmering in the sky

a wonder, a sweetness

a perception, a delight…

everything beautiful

A daughter is

love

– Susan Polis Schutz

5 things to love about being a Girl Mom!

1. Girl’s Make Everyone Incredibly Soft

Who doesn’t have a soft spot for a baby girl, especially their daddy! A relationship I just absolutely adore. But it’s not just their daddy, little girls have their Grandparents, Uncles and Aunts, cousins, the neighbors, your coworkers, EVERYONE……all wrapped around their finger! It’s incredibly sweet to watch other people swoon over your little girl. Not only is it sweet but it’s humorous to watch a tough man in your life get soft when they see that bright baby girl smile. Little girls hold such a special place in the heart. If you have one, you know!

2. Girl Stuff Is Just ABSOLUTELY Adorable

I love girl stuff! From the clothing, to the accessories, to room decor, to pretty much everything! Girl stuff is just so cute and creative! Being a mom you just want to buy it all! Having a daughter you do have to learn a little self control otherwise you can totally get carried away with all the glitz and glamor. But honestly, does any mom have self control when it comes to their daughter! How many times have you said – she had to have it. No shame here! She did have to have it!

3. The Sassy Attitude – you know you love it

You just can’t help but admire and envy her little full of life spirit. There will be a few times the attitude is a bit much, where you’ll be like uh, excuse me missy! You may even need to turn your cheek to restrain from laughing because you can’t believe the sass of your little girl. But deep down you just love the facial expressions and witty comebacks.

You’ll be thinking where did she learn this and truth be told its probably from you mama lol.

4. Dance Parties Everyday

Girls just wanna have fun! And dance! Every time they hear music they just can’t control themselves! I enjoy dancing too so dancing with my little girls are precious moments I always cherish. I love their dance moves, their songs of choice, and of course watching their daddy get involved with the dance party! A huge plus is they don’t judge your dancing, they want to dance just like you! You see them focusing and copying what you’re doing and it just makes you want to squeeze them, they are so cute! OR, she might be saying “No mama, no, like this.” Either way…

She got it from her mama. 

5. The Gift Of Raising Your Best Friend

There is just something extremely special about a mother daughter relationship. If you are close with your mom I’m sure you two are even closer now that you have a daughter. Your daughter is going to teach you so many lessons and she is almost always going to come to you for advice, when her heart breaks, when she’s in trouble, etc. You are her rock and she is definitely yours. How special that you get to be apart of her life.

And can imagine all the mani/pedi dates, weekend getaways, shopping ventures, brunches you two will have together! Oh to have a daughter! The joy!

 

What’s something you enjoy about having a daughter! Leave a comment below.

@coffeewafflesandmotherhood

 

 

It’s Been Confirmed! You’re PREGNANT! What to do first!? I have 10 simple things to share!

However it’s been confirmed, you’re pregnant! Hopefully this is very exciting news for you! May be a bit scary, but you are about to embrace an incredible, emotional, exciting journey.

This might be your first or maybe it’s your second, third, fourth, or fifth! Whatever the situation, it’s still a rush finding out you’re pregnant.

Now, there are a ton of other blogs out there that will provide a list of ‘TO DO’s’ once you find out you are growing a little miracle, I’ve actually read a few.

I am a fan of simplicity so I am going to keep this as simple as possible and my hope is you don’t feel overwhelmed after reading my ‘what to do first’.

Let’s get started!

1. FIND A TRUSTED DOCTOR

You really need a doctor that you can trust, are comfortable with, and can confide in. Ask your friends or family for references or do a search on google. Personally, I love google because of reviews. People do not hold back on reviews, which I love and can appreciate. If you find a doctor and don’t have an immediate connection right away it’s ok, don’t stress. You can always switch doctors. I would advise not switching in your third trimester but if you need to switch in the beginning for whatever reason it’s ok. This doctor will be with you for 9 months and will most likely deliver your baby, so make sure you like him or her!

2. START TAKING THOSE PRENATAL VITAMINS

Whether you choose to take store bought prenatal vitamins or whether you have your doctor write you a prescription, start taking them right away. You’re especially going to want to look for prenatal vitamins with folic acid. Your baby grows at a rapid pace and it’s important to make sure you and your baby are getting all the vitamins and minerals to keep him or her growing healthy.

3. DOWNLOAD A PREGNANCY APP OR GET A PREGNANCY BOOK

I am personally a fan of the ‘What To Expect’ App and the ‘What To Expect When You’re Expecting’ books! They both stand as a great guide, to well, what to expect when being pregnant! You’re informed with what’s going on with your baby at the moment and the constant body changes you’re going through. As well as a few things you may have been wondering about. Both of these will walk you week by week, month by month, and trimester to trimester. Definitely take advantage to be more informed with what’s going on with you and your baby.

4. GET EXCITED

Being pregnant is a journey on it’s own! Even if this is your second or third child, every pregnancy is different. A lot of pregnant women don’t like to get too excited until after the first trimester because the first trimester is the most fragile time. However I’m telling you to get excited! I know you have fears and worries but do your best to always anticipate the best! Buy some pregnancy magazines, start your secret Pinterest boards, look at maternity clothing, look at baby stuff, etc. You have been given a gift, embrace it!

5. TELL A FEW TRUSTED PEOPLE

I say this because during the first trimester you may not be showing but you will be feeling your body adjusting to change. You may experience morning sickness, you will more then likely be very tired, and you may become sensitive to smells. That was totally me in my case. You just never know, but it’s comforting to have someone to talk about it with vs. dealing with these changes by yourself. After the first trimester is typically when the official pregnancy announcement is made, however don’t feel obligated to share the news once the first trimester is over. Share the news when you are ready. Have fun with it though, there are some super creative baby announcements out there.

6. BE MINDFUL OF YOUR DIET

Now that you are pregnant you really need to be mindful and cautious on what you are putting into your body. Alcohol and any other substances are a big no go. Do your best to stay away from junk food and incorporate more fruits and veggies in your every day meals. Smoothies are a great way to go. It’s also OK to indulge on some things! If you get a craving for donuts or chili cheese fries go for it! Just be moderate with those cravings. If you are unsure about something you want to eat always ask your doctor. They will let you know!

7. START A SAVINGS PLAN

Things add up, I’ll say that much. The sooner you start to save, the better. Not only will you be more prepared but starting a savings plan will provide peace of mind. Money is not something you want to stress about when the baby arrives. You will already be dealing with changes and adjusting. Money doesn’t need to be an added stress factor. Start saving now for this little bundle of joy!

8. WRITE DOWN ALL OF YOUR QUESTIONS AND CONCERNS

Questions and concerns will arise at the most random moments. Although google, family, and friends are convenient, it’s best to talk to your doctor with anything on your mind concerning your pregnancy. Don’t assume you will remember what you want to discuss with your doctor at your next appointment. More then likely you will forget! It’s important to write them all down so your doctor is informed with what is going on with you. Your doctor can help ease your mind, provide resources, and offer assurance. Whatever it may be, bring it up to your doctor. I can almost guarantee your question or concern isn’t the first time they’ve heard it.

9. INCREASE YOUR WATER INTAKE

You know water in general is good for you right!? So many benefits! Now that you’re pregnant it’s even more important that you stay hydrated! Stay on that girl, it’s good for you and baby.

10. ENJOY EVERY MOMENT

Take pictures of your growing belly, start a journal, indulge in all things for pregnant women! Take advantage! There will be difficult times where you will be anxious for your pregnancy to be over. I am telling you, it goes by so fast. Before you know your baby will be here. Then they turn 1, 2, 3, 13, 18!! You will just be thinking where the heck did time go and you’ll miss those sweet baby kicks inside of you. Then you’ll start crying……. lol jk. But I’m not! Wahhh!

Just enjoy these moments where he or she is growing. This is such a precious time, and soon your life will never be the same.

 

Wishing you a happy, healthy pregnancy!

@coffeewafflesandmotherhood

Mama’s Summer Sun Tea

When I think of summer time, I think of long sunny days. Living in Arizona, I think of long sunny REALLY HOT days lol.

But what’s great about these summer days is they are perfect for making sun tea. One of my favorite drinks to sip during these blazing hot days. I remember my mom making sun tea when I was a kid, and now I have a husband who requests this sun tea constantly.

My daughters enjoy this tea too. So you could say it’s husband and kid approved. However I don’t let my kids drink too much of it because of the caffeine. They have enough energy!

Now let’s make some of Mama’s Summer Sun Tea!

WHAT YOU NEED:

A large glass jar or pitcher that can hold 14 1/2 cups of water

4 teabags of Lipton- iced tea 100% natural specially blended for ice tea (24 family size tea bags)

1 cup of sugar (not Splenda or any “healthy sugar”, just sugar!)

Fill up a large GLASS jar with lid of 14 1/2 cups of water. Then place outside all day in direct sunlight. I typically leave my jar out from 10am to 7pm. Remove tea bags, and add 1 cup of sugar into tea and mix. Let chill overnight, THEN ENJOY!

You can even get more creative and add sliced lemons, fresh raspberries, or peaches to the tea. You can leave it unsweetened too if you prefer. This is the way we enjoy it and it’s always a treat!

Hope you enjoy! Let me know how you like it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Learning To Control Your Anger With Your Toddler – 5 Ways To Gain More Control

 

There are a couple of things that trigger us as parents.

(some may agree, some may disagree)

Here are a few.

  • The tantrum that just WILL NOT stop
  • The constant nagging for something
  • Your child not listening
  • The picking on/fighting with another child or sibling
  • Almost everything they do or don’t do when you’re already in a bad mood
  • When your child does something they already KNOW they shouldn’t have done
  • [insert your trigger here]

I have two 3 year old’s. While I absolutely love that they can entertain each other, I also feel like I am constantly tested by their behaviors.

They feed off one another in the good and the bad ways.

If you have a toddler you know how much fun and entertaining they are, but, you also know how demanding and aggravating they can be. Am I right?

I had no idea that having toddlers would show me how little in control I was of my emotions, especially my anger.

I had moments where I would be screaming at them, crying, and honestly, I was throwing my own tantrums looking back now. I feel completely embarrassed.

I hated the feelings that took over after though, after anger set in. The guilt especially haunted me. I felt like a monster. I would lay in bed hating myself. I couldn’t even believe I let myself behave like that. I would think to myself…

What was wrong with me? Do other mothers lose their temper? What kind of impact would this leave on my children if I let this behavior continue?

Again, I would ask myself was what wrong with me. My lack of control really confused and startled me.

What I knew was, I needed to change. I needed to figure out the root cause of my anger episodes at my children. They did not deserve this. They are toddlers, they don’t know any better, they are currently in the stage of learning how to handle their own emotions and place in this world.

I read two statements that came from articles or blogs that really helped me to gain perspective. I really wish I could provide the sources but it was so long ago I have no idea the titles of blogs or articles I stumbled across. I found the reads through googling, and these particular words resonated with me. These aren’t the exact words below, but it is what I can recall.

1. Imagine your spouse talking to you the way you talk to your children.

2. Often times, we lose our temper with our children because they release unresolved childhood trauma. 

Whoa, I thought when I read these statements. I would be absolutely crushed if my husband talked to me the way I was talking to my toddlers. That was a very, very, eye widening statement. Especially because I am super sensitive.

As for the second statement, I really had to search into my own childhood and figure out what was it that was holding me back. What was I subconsciously holding against them.

Getting angry and yelling at your toddlers is more common then you think.

You are not alone Mama.

Other moms face this same issue daily. I know this because I see it often in mommy groups on social media. They share the battles or demons that have taken over them. It’s a true struggle that is very powerful.

However, the good news is when you take the time to address your actions, figure out ways to progress, I can almost promise that you will feel so much better about your parenting. You will feel it and so will your children.

Remember progress is progress.

Looking at my behavior before to what it is now………I have definitely gained more self control and I am more aware of the effects of my behavior.

I am also more cautious and aware that my toddlers are learning how to react through situations by watching me. Especially me because I am around them the most. If I am going to continue to yell and lose myself in front of my children, then they will react the same way. This is my opportunity to grow into a better Mother and help them to handle their own stressful situations.

(Note: The only person you can control is you. You can’t control the others that spend time around your child or children. However you are their Mother. They look up to YOU and trust YOU the most.)

Below I would like to share with you 5 ways I have gained more control over my anger with my toddlers.

Anger moments will still happen. You’re human, you may slip once in a while. But be proud of every baby step that moves you forward toward being the Mother you wish to be

Learning To Control Your Anger With Your Toddler – 5 Ways To Gain More Control

  1. Read. Read. Read.

There are so many great articles, books, other blogs out there that discuss the impacts our behaviors have on our children. When you become more aware of what you are doing, you become determined to find some type of solution to an issue you may be facing. It creates a type of awareness to help you understand and hopefully be more empathetic with your child.

Reading these types of things are great because they provide a completely different type of view that you can learn and grow from. Whether you chose to apply what you read to your parenting is entirely up to you.

2. Breathe. Take 3 Long Breaths.

Before you react, take a quick moment to breathe and maybe even count to ten. During that time of breathe in breathe out you will find the appropriate way to react. A quick reaction to something that your toddler is doing or does can scare them and then it makes the situation worse then what it even needed to be.

I was seriously a yeller. I absolutely hated that I yelled so much. So now when I want to yell I just breathe first and talk to them in a calm manner. I may blankly stare at them for a bit but it’s way better then me yelling at them.

Instead of yelling try developing a different tone of voice when upset. Where when they hear that tone, they know Mama means business.

3. Remain Mindful.

Remain mindful when you’re children are near you. They are watching you, they are learning from you, they will mimic you. Children are like little sponges. It’s hard to get upset at them when they are just acting, like YOU.

If you train your mind to always be mindful when you feel the anger coming you will gain more control of how you react to certain incidents and situations. Think about their future, how do you want them to behave and act as they grow and mature. Be the person you want them to be.

4. Walk Away Or Ignore

There are going to be times where you are really tested and you’re going to have to walk away. Sometimes that really is best. For you, and for them.

Eventually, maybe, you won’t have to walk away.

Let this be a bridge to getting exactly where you want to be. But in the meantime it is OK to put them in their room and walk away. This will allow you to calm down, and them if they are behaving in a bad manner.

After everyone has calmed down go talk to your child. Explain why you had to walk away and why it’s difficult for you to be around your child when they act like that. Baby steps.

5. A Daily Devotional

A devotional book has helped me tremendously on controlling my anger. It allows me to appreciate all situations and to be grateful.

When I can appreciate what I am struggling with or going through my attitude and mindset is different. A daily devotional explores a different perspective and gets you thinking in a way that you don’t normally think. And with God’s help you are sure to conquer this obstacle you are currently facing and other obstacles that will appear later in this Motherly journey.

I think we can agree that despite the hard moments, there is nothing more joyful then being a Mother. What an amazing privilege. 

mother and daughter on grass

Photo by Daria Obymaha on Pexels.com

 

Have you lost your temper with your toddler? You are not alone. Please comment any questions or concerns. Or please share what has helped you gained more control with your anger.

 As always, thank you for reading.

 

Sometimes Your Child Just Needs To Hear You Say, “I’m Sorry.”

Parenting is hard. 

As you have probably heard before parenting does not come with a manual guide, nor will it ever come with a guide because every single parent does parenting differently. There would be no way to accommodate to the variety of parenting styles if a guide even did exist.

I have 2 almost three year old’s and expecting another baby in a few months and I still do not have it figured out. Truth be told, I don’t believe I ever will. However, that does not bother me because I can appreciate that parenting is a journey full of never ending lessons. Some harder then others. I hear teenage years are the hardest. 

Before I became a parent I will admit I imagined it being nothing but easy and well, fun. Full of cute and happy moments. I never once thought about the struggles that come along with welcoming a child into your life.

I just thought about how I would be the ‘best mommy ever’. I am definitely not the best mommy ever FYI

I could not wait to be a mother. It was definitely a dream of mine and a calling I felt an eagerness to fulfill at a very young age. I had my first baby at 26, and I finally felt like this prayer of mine was answered.

When I became a parent, it was better then I ever imagined it to be. It was also way harder then I ever thought. I’m talking way harder. I think the way harder really set in when my husband and I received a second baby by surprise. We were completely caught off guard.

(we received our second baby when our first was 10 months old, to read about that story you can search ‘A Blessing In Disguise’)

Noticing A Blessing In Disguise

When you become a parent, you see things differently. You don’t just see things differently but you have a completely different awareness and understanding.

You look at your parents differently…….in good and bad lighting. Your friends who have had kids for a couple of years now? You feel sorry, because you just didn’t know what they were going through. You can even connect now with strangers almost everywhere you go that are holding a little hand.

You empathize with parents because you know it’s the most amazing and yet hardest privilege.

As a parent you want to do your best for your child. But it’s hard. There are many days where you feel like a complete failure. You also blame yourself for a lot of things that are really out of your control.

We never want to hurt them.

But truth be told, we are going to leave emotional scars on our children.

Now, that’s a real tough pill to swallow especially because we are continuously trying to be the best that we can be.

We do our best to give what we didn’t receive. To be, what are parents were not. To do, what are parent’s didn’t do. As well as, try not to do, what are parents did.

We do our best. But what we think is best, is not always the best and can impact our child in ways we can’t even imagine. Which is a little frightening when you really sit and think about it.

It’s a lot of pressure! We are shaping a life or lives! And one can only hope and pray that the wounds we cause aren’t too severe.

I don’t know what type of scar I am going to leave but I know I will leave one. It may be something I say, something I do, something I choose, something I don’t do…..who knows. But there will be a time, when my child will feel let down by me.

My child is never going to forget it. And neither will yours.

And you may never know what emotional scar you left unless your child has the courage to tell you.

Just about everyone suffers from some type of ‘childhood trauma’. From mild trauma to severe.

You had a parent that always put you down, you had a parent that you felt betrayed you in some way, you had a parent that hit you, you had a parent that suffered from substance abuse, you had a parent that was never honest, you had a parent that was never there, you had a parent that favored your other siblings, you had a parent that didn’t choose you, you had a parent that didn’t believe you, your parent had a temper, your parent embarrassed you, etc……

We all have something that is THERE.

Something that left us confused, upset, concerned, worried, scared, alone, numb…something.

I can tell you, causing you pain was never their intention. Maybe there were other things going on in their life, maybe they were afraid, maybe they thought they were doing a good thing for you…..you know, you just don’t know what was going on in their head at the time. OR…..you don’t really know the results of their ‘childhood trauma’ and how it impacted and shaped their behaviors. Who knows….

(note: If your child is grown, you’re right, you can’t change the past. But you can tell them sorry. That will provide more relief then you know.)

When I look at my daughters I can only pray the scars I leave aren’t too severe. And I hope they will be comfortable enough to tell me when I have hurt their feelings or possibly done something they wish I hadn’t.

I think to myself…..what am I going to do, one day, where I am going to let you down. Even Nemo in the Kids movie ‘Finding Nemo’ said I hate you to his dad, do you remember?

My heart breaks knowing that I won’t be a perfect mom where they will grow up and say their childhood was perfect. It’s unrealistic. That’s not going to happen. I will make mistakes. I know I will, because I already do make mistakes, feel guilt, and have regrets.

It’s something inevitable, it’s going to happen.

Can you think of anything that your parent said to you or did that you have never forgot? Whether it’s big or small you remember exactly how it made you feel. 

I have 3 things I will say to my children often that I hope will always bind us together and strengthen our relationships as years come and go.

I hope by saying these things often my children will have peace of mind and not be severely impacted and haunted for years to come by my actions or words that I have no idea will influence my child in the future.

They are below.

  • I LOVE YOU

I want to make sure I am saying this as much as possible to each child of mine. I hope my child never questions how much love I have for them. It’s not enough to just say it, but telling them why I love them. Expressing to them the joy they bring into my life. Sharing lessons they have taught me. WE know we love our children, but sometimes they don’t hear it enough or feel it enough. They need to hear it and feel it.

  •  I AM PROUD OF YOU

I don’t want to just say those words after they accomplish something like a good grade on a test or a tournament won. I want to say these words just because. I don’t want my children to think they always have to impress me or accomplish something grand to hear these words. I will be proud of them everyday and I want them to know how proud I am to be their Mother.

  • I AM SORRY

This is a huge one. Being a parent, it’s hard to admit our faults. Especially, to our children. We don’t want to admit that we made a mistake or take ownership for something that we have done, because honestly…..sometimes we think we are in the right. WE think we are, but from a child’s perspective it’s completely different.

A child isn’t expecting an apology from their parent, but sometimes they need to hear it to move forward and let that burden go. I plan on saying sorry often. Sorry if I hurt their feelings, sorry if I couldn’t make their soccer game, sorry for saying NO, sorry for not being cool enough, just sorry. I will always be sorry any time I have upset them but I hope one day they will realize why I did the things I did, why I didn’t do the things they wanted and why I am who I am. I know there will be times that they need to hear this from me, and my hope is they can always forgive me

I know I will never be the best, but I will never give up trying to be the best that I can be.

Parenting is hard…..but it’s also the best gift in the world. A true gift from God and a blessing.

mother and daughter on grass
Photo by Daria Obymaha on Pexels.com

 

Thank you for reading! 🙂

 

 

When Your Kids Are Distracting You And Your Spouse From Spending Quality Time Together

Remember how much freedom you and your spouse had before you had kids? Sleeping in together, staying out late, going wherever and whenever you wanted, you can recall I’m sure. Now your schedules are almost entirely planned around your kids. And you notice how you’re always busy now? It’s crazy right.

Having kids completely changes your lifestyle and it changes your relationship with your significant other.

You will face many challenges together with raising children. In this post I am only going to discuss one challenge and share with you what has worked for my husband and myself.

The Challenge:

Distracting you and your spouse from spending quality time together.

When you have kids, it can be a little challenging to maintain that one on one time with your spouse. With dates and intimacy.

It’s so important to keep your relationship thriving even when you have children. Let this be an opportunity to get creative and step outside your box.

My husband and I love our daughters so much. They are our world. However we do have moments where we reminisce about how spontaneous we were in the past and how completely oblivious we were to our freedom.

It’s amazing how you don’t really recognize how much freedom you have until a child enters your life.

Something we both have learned with having kids is time together has to be planned and scheduled.

Of course that’s not how it is all the time, but I would say a majority of time if we want to be alone it has to be planned in advance.

Just because you and your spouse have kids now doesn’t mean the love needs to be let go. Your relationship still needs to be a priority. And yes, it will take more work then what it did in the past.

I’m sure some of you are thinking, well I don’t have a baby sitter, or our schedules are so different, or possibly, I try but he isn’t willing, etc,

As I mentioned previously, this is an opportunity to get creative.

If you can’t get a babysitter or don’t feel comfortable leaving your children yet don’t sweat it. That was exactly how my husband and I were. We would have “at home dates” and still do! I would have our girls skip nap time so they would go to sleep early so we could spend time together, just me and him.

(As I said, we still do this. Some of the evenings of just eating ice cream together or watching something on TV take me and him back to the old days.)

When your schedules are different you need to take advantage of every moment together.

For example: You two only have mornings together. Maybe share coffee together and do a question of the day about one another. Remember, step outside the box.

(Note: Stay off your phones when you two are together. How many times have you witnessed a couple out together and they are both on their phones. Talk, listen, hold hands, BE PRESENT.)

Both of you need to be willing to try new things. If one of you is trying and one of you isn’t, there may be a deeper issue that needs to be resolved.

In that case, I might suggest help from a professional.

Discuss Your Relationship.

You two need to be on the same page and open to embracing this new chapter in your relationship. You won’t have to be so creative forever or plan every moment together forever. Your children are going to grow up.

But are you both happy right now? Have you sensed that you two are drifting apart or something just feels different. More then likely both of you aren’t getting enough attention from one another.

If these emotions have occurred this is your relationship craving some immediate attention. If you’re reading this there’s good possibility you’re in this situation.

In a nutshell I am saying, TAKE ACTION. Don’t allow your children to be the excuse anymore. 


Here Are A Few Moments To Always Take Advantage Of:

  • Bed time
  • Nap time
  • When they are on a play date or at a friends or with family
  • When they are glued to a game or YouTube
  • A Family Gathering
  • A birthday party
  • When they fall asleep in the car
  • In the morning before they wake up
  • When they head to school

…you get the idea.

These are all opportunities where you two can discuss something, plan something, do something, etc. Both kids fell asleep in the car? Go get something in the drive-thru, pull over, and enjoy it together. Kids are sleeping? uh, HELLO! Have some private time. At a gathering of some sort? There’s enough adults watching the kids, get playful. You can still be spontaneous, it will just be in a different way.

Also, it’s definitely more then OK to put other things on pause to give your spouse the attention they deserve and need.

Keep the sizzle and have fun. You’ll be laughing about these moments in the future and sharing them with your children.

A book I would highly recommend to strengthen your relationship with your spouse is titled The 5 Languages Of Love by Gary Chapman.

I definitely recommend this book even if your relationship is thriving right now! It’s an amazing eye opener and will bring you two even closer.

What works for you and your spouse, I’d love to hear it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

15 MUST DO’S Every Fall Season

Fall is one of my favorite times of the year. It’s the closing of a chapter while beginning a new one.

A time to celebrate and embrace the change that surrounds us. The external and the internal.

Fall is a cocktail made of comfort, peace, and complete gratitude. Always sure to give you the warm and fuzzies.

I have put together a list to make every Fall memorable for you and your family or friends!


15 MUST DO’S Every FALL

1. VISIT THE PUMPKIN PATCH

 I feel like this is a given but I know it’s not! I had only ever gone to the pumpkin patch when I had my first born. Before that I just never went. Why? I have no idea! I always just got my pumpkin at the grocery store or some little pumpkin stand on the side of the road. But oh my goodness, the pumpkin patch is its own experience! They are so fun!

Go with your family or a group of friends for a great time! You won’t be sorry!

Note: Most of the pumpkin patches in town or in your town have special features or special events on specific dates. Be sure to look it up and take advantage! Start planning now and mark your calendar.

2. Carve/Paint Pumpkins

Okay, I mention this because how many of you leave the pumpkin carving to someone else. Guilty! I NEVER carve the pumpkin, I don’t know why. Probably because my husband is way better at it than me but this year I am determined!

Make it a contest with your family members or host a pumpkin carving party! Most grocery stores offer pumpkin carving kits to make it that much easier for you!

3. Toast Pumpkin Seeds

What to do with all those seeds after carving that beautiful pumpkin….hmmmm.

Don’t throw away the pumpkin seeds after carving your pumpkin! TOAST THEM! You can find such delicious recipes online! Plus pumpkin seeds are actually really good for you. Toss them in a salad or use as some type of fall recipe topping. Yum.

4. HOST A BONFIRE and make s’mores

Nothing says Fall like a bonfire and some s’mores!

If you don’t want to host one that’s ok, encourage one of your friends to host one! Spend the evening with your friends or family reminiscing while being cozy near the fire.

Maybe add some spiked cider in there as well.

5. Take Advantage Of Everything SEASONAL

I’m talking seasonal. Examples would be soaps, candles, foods, events, drinks,you get the idea! Everything SEASONAL!

All these things are only here for a limited time so if you enjoy Fall stuff as much as me then I suggest stocking up! Pumpkin candles and flavors are my absolute favorite! And of course all the Fall flavors that come out at Starbucks.

6. Make A Homemade Apple Pie

When I think fall I think apples and pumpkins. Make an apple pie or pumpkin pie from scratch! And share it with a friend.

7. Try 3 New “Fall” Recipes

Pinterest is full of fall recipe inspiration! Pick at least 3 new recipes to try!

Here’s something to get you started, PUMPKIN SPICE DONUT BITES

Make some for your friends or your neighbors! You know they will love it!

8. Get A Massage

I really don’t know if getting a massage is a Fall thing. But I could really use a professional full body massage and I’m making it a note to get one!

9. GET CRAFTY

I know you have it in you!

Make a fall wreathe, knit a scarf, get started on a homemade Halloween costume. If you visit Michaels or Hobby Lobby you are SURE to find something fun to make or get started on!

10. Get Started On Christmas Shopping!

Where are my procrastinators at! Just start, do it! Begin that list ! This is what I’m telling myself!

I can’t be doing last minute Christmas shopping anymore. Fall is for shopping.

11. Make A Fall Drink

Oh man, there are so many festive drinks out there! One for whatever you are craving. Invite a friend over and have a cocktail hour!

I have my eye on caramel apple sangria!

12. Get Cozy With A Good Book Or Two

Snuggly jammies, coffee, and a good book. A perfect Fall recipe for any time of the day.

13. Plan Family Pictures

I personally think Fall is the perfect time for family pictures. I love Fall apparel, I love Fall colors, and I love the scenery that takes place in the Fall.

Plus, if you take Fall family pictures they can also serve as your Christmas card picture, if you choose to do them!

14. Go To A Festival

So many fun events take place in the Fall and it’s time to take advantage.

Do a search on google or social media to find out what will be happening in your town or city!

15. Enjoy A Getaway

Take time for yourself or with your family or friends. Whether it be a staycation or a full blown trip. Take some time to escape and enjoy! You definitely deserve it.

My husband and I love camping and about two years ago we went to Disneyland in the Fall, which was a real treat. If you love Disneyland and Fall then you NEED to plan a trip ASAP if you haven’t already experienced FALL AT DISNEYLAND.

 I hope this list inspires you in some way! What will you be doing this Fall!?

Whatever you do, enjoy it surrounded with family and good friends.