Tag: self help

You Can’t Point The Finger Forever

The Wild GemsLeave a comment

At one point or another we’ve all done it. We have avoided responsibility and placed the blame on something. Our parents, our childhood, our lack of not knowing better, our friends, God, that door for being in the way that just stubbed our toe, etc.

It alleviates the guilt or negative feelings that we fill inside….but deep down we all know that choices, decisions, and reactions are our own.

Many of us prefer to play the victim rather than scatter the broken pieces and discover a new creation.

What good does blaming do? Truthfully, is there a positive outcome to making that choice?

Before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean

Bob Marley

He who has not sinned can cast the first stone

Jesus

I love these quotes, both of these shout LOOK AT YOURSELF. And reminds us that we are flawed just like the rest.

You’re not alone.

My kids are at that delightful age where there’s a fair amount of tattling and a great deal of blaming one another.

“Mom, she made me do it!”

“It’s not my fault, it’s theirs.”

“I only did it because she told me to do that.”

*something doesn’t go their way* – “This is YOUR fault!”

And so forth.

This kind of stuff is expected right now. They are kids!

Although,

I do believe there is importance in teaching children accountability, acknowledgement, and acceptance. As we know, you can’t point the finger forever.

There comes a time when each of us have to look at ourselves, reflect on our own choices and decisions and take accountability for our part. Whatever that may be.

I would say a majority of people don’t enjoy doing this. It isn’t a pleasant process. It’s like holding hands with guilt and shame while walking down an empty road. You don’t want to hold their hands but they know where they are going and you don’t.

This is necessary for our own personal growth. Especially if we have a goal to be our very best selves and want to move forward and make improvements in our life.

There are many grown ups out there who still behave like children and are saying exactly what my kids are saying.

“This is all YOUR Fault!”

And guess what the other grown up is saying,

“No, this is your fault!”

Neither grown up wants to take accountability for their part. How will the issue get resolved if someone doesn’t step up?

Again, because it’s hard. Who wants to admit when they are wrong? Be honest.

Let me share something,

when you begin to take accountability for the directions and outcomes in your life, your life changes. Someone may argue, “but I got dealt a bad hand of cards.”

Maybe that person did. There are many lives out there who have truly been dealt a shitty hand of cards. But there are also lives out there that even with their bad cards they played a heck of a game.

Even in poker you can win a game with a bad hand.

Learning to take accountability and learning to acknowledge what is changes your life, and it changes for the better. In doing so you learn to give yourself grace which leads to giving others grace. You learn to forgive yourself which leads to you forgiving others.

Everyone needs grace and forgiveness. If you can learn to give it to yourself, you can learn to give it to others.

We cling to too many pains and aches from the past. They are like anchors that hold us down from exploring.

And then we blame those pains and aches for the outcome of our lives. When all we have to do is release the anchor so we may set sail. We get frustrated at the knot that we tied.

Living a life of pointing the finger will do nothing but poison you. It poisons you to the core.

And if you keep letting your pointer finger poison you, eventually it paralyzes you.

That is not how you want to live your life. Beautiful things await when we acknowledge ourselves, our situations, our reactions, and recognize that we hold in ourselves more power than we know.

You are powerful. You are strong. You have strength inside of you to get you through what you are going through. It’s nobody’s fault.

Pain in our hearts can lead to bad choices. Think about that, and ponder it.

Let’s practice not pointing the finger together.

peace and love

Hey YOU, You’re Beautiful

The Wild Gems2 Comments

I don’t need to know you or see you to know that you reading this, dear reader, are beautiful.

Sometimes we need to be reminded how special and unique we are. Allow me to remind you.

You are a once in a lifetime. Shaped and molded in a way that cannot be duplicated. A rare commodity.

You aren’t perfect my friend, and guess what, nobody is. Each of us is flawed in our own way. But isn’t is wonderful?

How boring it would be if we were all the same and shared all the same experiences. It’s our differences that bring color and vibrancy to this world and universe. It’s the differences that help us to grow and grant us permission to see through the many different filters of life.

Celebrate those “imperfections”. Learn to love yourself. Learn to see yourself. You are worthy of your own love. Love yourself. You are loved.

There is no need to seek approval from the outside. When unkindness greets in those unexpected moments you shake it off immediately and most definitely don’t take it personally.

But again, I don’t need to know you or see to know that you are beautiful. You are. You are a miracle. You are here, you are alive. You’re doing it.

You’re a gift, you know that right? You truly are. You have purpose. You have value. You have magic flowing in you. There is so much light in you, even if right now the clouds are blocking the view. It’s there glowing brightly.

You are beautiful.

Feeling Down? Here’s A List Of Instant MOOD BOOSTERS

The Wild GemsLeave a comment

Life will get you down. And sometimes life will strait up knock you down and put it’s giant, ugly foot, on top of your neck mocking you while you struggle to breathe. That sounds harsh, I know this, but there’s truth to it and it is real life. And if you’re reading this blog then you know that, and something may possibly be going on in your life.

But listen, as a beautiful lotus can grow through mud, I do strongly believe and know that good and greatness can grow and push its way through adversity. Proving something that seems nearly impossible to achieve.

Which then gifts us with hope, what every human being needs.

Now let’s talk about our feelings for just a moment.

The feelings that tag along with life can be strong and unbarring but it is vital to not let them control you and cater to their every need. Sad/angry feelings are not a bad thing. They help us enjoy and discover the good/wonderful feelings that much more. How can we know joy without sadness?

Keep that information in your back pocket. You are strong. You are resilient. You are brave. You are loved.

Let yourself feel what you are feeling. Trying to act like the harsh feelings do not exist will only make those feelings stronger and eager to be exposed. This will pass. I can’t tell you when but I know it will pass. It will be okay, and you will get through it. As much as we wish we could say, “Alexa, turn off our feelings”, we can’t. They have to be dealt with.

In the meantime little distractions can and do help and can change your mood for a few moments to get your mind off things.

Now let’s get to it.

Here’s A List Of 28 Healthy Instant Mood Boosters

Do some of these daily, weekly, or multiple times a day if need be for your well being.

1. Call Up Your Best Friend Or Someone You Love

Calling up the bestie is always a way to boost your mood! Your best friend or best friends just know you and always know the right thing to say to turn a frown upside down. The great thing about best friends is they don’t judge at you all. They listen to you, love you, and have your back. But whether you call your bestie or a loved one they are sure to make you feel better.

2. Play Your Favorite Playlist And Just Dance

Sometimes you just need to select a good music playlist, turn the volume up, and just dance it out. Move freely, close your eyes, and vibe out. Allow your body to release the negativity, the pain, the hurt, and just get lost in that movement of freedom.

3. Take THE Shower

THE SHOWER, you know what I’m talking about. Wash your hair, use a deep conditioning treatment, shave your legs, use a body scrub, and take your time. Stand there for 20 minutes with no obligations or pressure and imagine the water cleansing you and rejuvenating you as the rain does for nature. Turn on some music and let the water and steam renew you.

4. Open Some Windows

If it’s a nice day out open some windows to get a cross breeze. Let some light and fresh air into your home. You don’t have to go outside to enjoy a little bit of nature. This is an instant mood booster. You aren’t that different from a flower, you need sunshine in your life to thrive.

5. Go Get Yourself A Treat

Sometimes we just need a little indulgence. Maybe give yourself something that you haven’t had in a while! I’m talking more in regards to food. Treat yourself to some ice cream, or a soda, a cake pop from Starbucks, your favorite candy, let yourself have something that you don’t allow yourself too often! Savor every bite and enjoy the little treat.

6. Light Some Candles In The Afternoon And Play Some Jazz

With the right aroma, candles can be so uplifting, especially in the day time. I see a candle lit and I instantly feel more at ease. I feel more calmness and peace. I feel an assurance that everything will be fine. When we are going through difficult times it’s these little things that are our lullaby.

7. Write Down Any Negative Thoughts On Paper And Then Rip It Up

This works, believe me. You don’t even have to write your thoughts on paper, you can write them on the notes app in your phone and once you’ve calmed down delete it. This really does help and will alleviate some of those feelings of anger or anxiety. Some of us aren’t fully there yet in the journey where we can fully discuss all that is on our minds and that’s okay. Give it to the paper and let the paper gift you with some relief.

8. Revisit An Old Hobby

We have to bring out our inner child and let that child play again! And let that child play often! There’s a reason children are the best teachers. Do activities that you use to enjoy as a kid, as in revisiting an old hobby! Roller skating, scrapbooking, painting, crafts, what did you enjoy? Bring that hobby back to life and get lost in it again.

9. Go For A Walk

Take a walk by yourself and be in the present moment. Notice nature and pay attention to the details of your walk. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Be with yourself and reflect on your blessings. Make it a walk of gratitude and focus on what’s good in life. I would suggest going by yourself too. But please not in the woods.

10. Do A Breathing Exercise

If you are experiencing anxiety this is a great way to release those anxious emotions and calm down your nervous system. This exercise can untangle the thoughts in your mind and help you exit the worrying and fear that you’re in. I can assure you afterwards you will feel better. I suggest Wim Hof aka the ice man. Look him on YouTube. He’s got great breathing exercises and such a positive, uplifting energy.

11. Do Something Nice For Someone

Doing things for others feels good. It releases endorphins, which triggers positive feelings in your body. Seeing someone else smile makes us smile. Knowing that we are the reason they smiled is even better. There are plenty of things you can do for another person. Serving others doesn’t just make us feel good but it strengthens hope. And that’s what everyone needs.

12. Have A Coffee Date With A Friend

Call up a good friend and have a spontaneous coffee date. Your mood will be boosted and there’s will be too. Spur of the moment kind of dates are the best. And hey, the date can be with yourself. Treat yourself for the moment. “Best friends are the therapists you can drink with.”

13. Buy Or Cook A Really Good Meal And Eat It Slowly

I don’t believe enough of us take the time to really relish a delicious meal. Most of the time we are eating while doing something. Maybe we’re talking with people or friends, reading, or watching something. But typically we’re multitasking and not appreciating what we are giving to our body and soul! Love has a flavor. And you can really taste it when all your focus is on simply eating and nothing else. There’s a reason we call some foods, comfort food.

14. Sign Off Social Media

There are times when you need unchain yourself from the internet and get back to real life. It’s so easy to get sucked in like a black hole, and signing off for a bit will for sure support your well being and mental health. Limit the distraction and comparison and put more focus on what you enjoy doing. False perceptions can be damaging and it’s important to not fall into that trap. Especially when you’re already in the middle of going through something difficult. Removing the apps from your phone so you aren’t tempted will boost your mood instantly and you’ll feel a sense of freedom, believe me.

15. Get A Pedicure Or Manicure

Who doesn’t love a mani or pedi! Even guys love them! When you look good, you feel good! And with feeling great comes a level of confidence. Go by yourself or go with a friend. That is a sure way to uplift yourself. And afterwards you’ll have pretty toes.

16. Schedule A Spur Of The Moment Massage

Humans need touch, it affirms our social connections and even our sense of self. It’s soothing to us. What you may need is a simple massage. What wonders a massage can do for our bodies; releasing stress and increasing relaxation. It’s a medicine and positive energy. Our bodies carry so much for us. So much that we don’t even realize. Just like wringing out a towel that was soaking in water, we need to be wrung out to alleviate some of the heavy weights that we carry.

17. Watch Some Stand Up Comedy On Netflix Or YouTube

I have personally turned to comedy a few times when I was feeling down. When needing to get your mind off certain issues laughing as we know is the best medicine. It activates and relieves your stress response. Now there are so many great comedians out there and so many great shows with easy access. Netflix has some great ones! Pick one, serve yourself some Ben and Jerry’s and let yourself belly ache laugh!

18. Get Dressed, Do Your Hair, Do Your Make Up

Get out of your pj’s and get dressed. Wash your face, brush your teeth, brush your hair while you’re at it and put on some mascara! I promise you’ll feel a little better! As a stay at home mom I’ve had plenty or days where I went to bed the way I woke up. But the days where I decided to actually dress up and look presentable I was more productive and felt confident. You don’t even have to leave your home. Get ready for YOURSELF.

19. Purge Your Things

You have more than you think. This is a great way to release some invisible weight. Think of purging your things like a snake shedding it’s skin. It’s making the room for growth and renewal. It’s also like cutting your hair, and we know how good that feels. Getting rid of stuff is rejuvenating and benefits your mental health by making you feel calmer, happier, and more in control.

20. Cuddle Your Animal Or Maybe A Blanket And Watch A Romantic Comedy

I miss our doggies so much. They were the best to cheering anybody up. Sometimes you just need to snuggle your fur baby to feel better. I kinda think that’s why they were made. Maybe you’re not an animal person though, that’s okay, snuggle with a warm blanket or a fluffy pillow. Whether you watch a Romantic comedy or your favorite tv sitcom this is a sure way to comfort oneself to feeling better.

21. Read A Devotional And Pray About It

This. This personally has helped me in more ways than one. It has strengthened my spirituality immensely. We tend to have this void in us. We search and search and usually fill it with material things, thinking this will make us feel better. Working on your spiritual self is what connects the bridges to discovering more of yourself and what you want in your life. I even began writing my own devotionals (click here to read) to share perspective with others. Read and be comforted!

22. Read Some Poetry Or Blogs About Others Going Through What You Are Going Through

You are not alone. How we need and crave this reassurance. There are many others who have gone through or are going through the same experiences as you. And they share their experiences to help YOU! Seek them, and discover some relief. If you can’t find something in relation to what you are going through then maybe you need to be the one to break the ice and share your story or experience to help another out there. Talking about what we are going through or writing about it is healing ourselves and others.

25. Go Outside And Take 5 Gulbs Of Fresh Air

5, 10, 15, or 20! Go outside and intentionally welcome fresh air into your body. Take a moment to acknowledge how far you’ve come. All we can do it our best and it’s important to concede how miraculous and significant you truly are. Believe it, it’s true.

26. Go Cry

Do you feel like you need to cry? GO CRY. You don’t need permission. Take a moment to let it out and come out when you feel better. Crying is a release and it’s okay to cry. As a mom I’ve had plenty of moments where I’ve said to my husband, “I need to go cry.” And I go cry. I would go into our bathroom, close the door, and just cry. Once I was done I’d come out and I would feel better. Like many of the other mood boosters that I’ve mentioned crying releases endorphins. Crying instantly alleviates stress and sends us into a more calming state of being. Take crying also as a sign that you need self love time, and make the time.

27. Get Into Your Car, Roll Up Your Windows And Just SCREAM

If you’ve never done this, I highly recommend it. I’ve been doing this since high school. It just feels good! It’s a release of tension. It’s a natural and intuitive way for your body to release emotion. Don’t take it out on your loved ones, that’s not fair. Become aware when you’re boiling and let the rage out in a loud scream in your car. It’s even better with a friend. Because then afterwards you’ll have a great laughing episode.

28. Call Your Mom

Need I say more. Or call your Grandma, or your best friends mom. I feel so incredibly blessed that I can call my mom and she just knows exactly what to say to soothe me. Thank you to all the amazing moms out there who just know what to say and do to making us feel better.

I love you mom so much.

Thank you for reading. And please share what you do that instantly makes you feel better when life’s got you down.

Lots of love,

m.g.