Tag: life

Dear Readers, My Birth Mom Passed Away

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My birth mom passed away. It’s been a week now. It’s lead to an indescribable type of grief that I feel very alone in if I’m honest. And I feel compelled to just release some of the things that I’m feeling at the moment.

My aunt (my birth mom’s sister) texted me last Wednesday telling me that she had passed. I had never met her. That wasn’t my choice. I’ve been wanting to meet her my whole life and I actually almost did last spring but it just didn’t happen because she had somewhere to be apparently. Who knows what the full truth is. I can feel I’m not being told everything. I know she was mentally unstable. Suffered from schizophrenia. But how she died seems to be unknown. She checked into the hospital for something, was there for a few weeks, and passed “with family by her side”.

I was really upset at first, clearly I still am. My birth mom was in the hospital for a few weeks and my aunt didn’t tell me? The opportunity to meet the woman who birthed me is gone and it breaks my heart.

All of this pain as being an adoptee has resurfaced I don’t even know how to handle it. I just keep crying. I never knew any biological family until I turned 29. I always felt so completely alone growing up.

I haven’t even told my adoptive parents that my birth mom has passed because it’s just going to make them uncomfortable and they’ll probably say I’m sorry and that’s about it.

When I told them I had found biological family on ancestry there was no happiness for me. There was fear. Never have they ever really talked to me about how I felt being adopted. But they didn’t know, I know that. I was just a grateful child who hid the wounds very very well.

Having adopted two children (my niece and nephew on my husband’s side) I will be a different parent. Their wounds will get the oxygen they need. And I will help them find answers.

I’m just sad right now. I’m just really really sad and another adoptee told that I’m experiencing disenfranchised grief. Basically it’s a grief that’s not understood or validated.

It’s lonely. It’s lonely to want to share this with more people in my life but they won’t get it but also I think…I don’t want to share because I’m not ready to fully reveal how much I’ve been holding in and for so long. Plus I can’t talk about this without crying.

I think that’s why I love this blog world so much. I can be so raw and just let it out. And no one close is going to read this because hardly anyone I know reads my stuff, and if they even do they never say anything.

And if you just read this, wow, thank you. Thank you for hearing me for a moment. Thank you for letting me cry and share.

To be a grown up and still this lost at times and here I am raising children…..

How do you guide children when you aren’t even sure of the way,

Ps – I do have a picture now of my birth mom when she was probably about 18. My youngest daughter has her eyes. They’re so beautiful.

Dear Readers, I’m Sorry I Haven’t Posted In Awhile

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Good morning my beautiful readers, how are you all doing?

I’m still here, and I am sorry that I have not shared anything in quite some time. To be honest I’ve just been very busy and this blog hasn’t been a priority at the moment.

I have 4 kids in case you didn’t know. An 8 year old, a 7 year old, a 4 year old, and a 1 year old. I’m a busy mama. And no, we didn’t just boom boom and decide to have kids back to back. Two of them are biological and two are adopted.

I know I don’t have to share that at all but I want those who read this to really understand. I like to joke that I got the “have a baby get one free deal” because that’s exactly what happened.

We actually just adopted my son (the one year old) in January. So thankful that that has been finalized.

I like to consider myself an open book so if you ever read any of my posts and would like clarification on anything don’t ever hesitate to ask me. We are friends on here I like to think.

Anyways, I’ve been busy. But it’s been a good busy.

I’m going to make an effort to release all that I’ve been absorbing and share it with you all.

I’m getting back into reading and I’ve already gained so much new insight! I love it!

Thank you my readers for taking the time to read what I share.

There’s something so intimate and comforting about being in the blogging community.

Lots of love, always

– Marie

The Wild Gems

You Can’t Point The Finger Forever

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At one point or another we’ve all done it. We have avoided responsibility and placed the blame on something. Our parents, our childhood, our lack of not knowing better, our friends, God, that door for being in the way that just stubbed our toe, etc.

It alleviates the guilt or negative feelings that we fill inside….but deep down we all know that choices, decisions, and reactions are our own.

Many of us prefer to play the victim rather than scatter the broken pieces and discover a new creation.

What good does blaming do? Truthfully, is there a positive outcome to making that choice?

Before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean

Bob Marley

He who has not sinned can cast the first stone

Jesus

I love these quotes, both of these shout LOOK AT YOURSELF. And reminds us that we are flawed just like the rest.

You’re not alone.

My kids are at that delightful age where there’s a fair amount of tattling and a great deal of blaming one another.

“Mom, she made me do it!”

“It’s not my fault, it’s theirs.”

“I only did it because she told me to do that.”

*something doesn’t go their way* – “This is YOUR fault!”

And so forth.

This kind of stuff is expected right now. They are kids!

Although,

I do believe there is importance in teaching children accountability, acknowledgement, and acceptance. As we know, you can’t point the finger forever.

There comes a time when each of us have to look at ourselves, reflect on our own choices and decisions and take accountability for our part. Whatever that may be.

I would say a majority of people don’t enjoy doing this. It isn’t a pleasant process. It’s like holding hands with guilt and shame while walking down an empty road. You don’t want to hold their hands but they know where they are going and you don’t.

This is necessary for our own personal growth. Especially if we have a goal to be our very best selves and want to move forward and make improvements in our life.

There are many grown ups out there who still behave like children and are saying exactly what my kids are saying.

“This is all YOUR Fault!”

And guess what the other grown up is saying,

“No, this is your fault!”

Neither grown up wants to take accountability for their part. How will the issue get resolved if someone doesn’t step up?

Again, because it’s hard. Who wants to admit when they are wrong? Be honest.

Let me share something,

when you begin to take accountability for the directions and outcomes in your life, your life changes. Someone may argue, “but I got dealt a bad hand of cards.”

Maybe that person did. There are many lives out there who have truly been dealt a shitty hand of cards. But there are also lives out there that even with their bad cards they played a heck of a game.

Even in poker you can win a game with a bad hand.

Learning to take accountability and learning to acknowledge what is changes your life, and it changes for the better. In doing so you learn to give yourself grace which leads to giving others grace. You learn to forgive yourself which leads to you forgiving others.

Everyone needs grace and forgiveness. If you can learn to give it to yourself, you can learn to give it to others.

We cling to too many pains and aches from the past. They are like anchors that hold us down from exploring.

And then we blame those pains and aches for the outcome of our lives. When all we have to do is release the anchor so we may set sail. We get frustrated at the knot that we tied.

Living a life of pointing the finger will do nothing but poison you. It poisons you to the core.

And if you keep letting your pointer finger poison you, eventually it paralyzes you.

That is not how you want to live your life. Beautiful things await when we acknowledge ourselves, our situations, our reactions, and recognize that we hold in ourselves more power than we know.

You are powerful. You are strong. You have strength inside of you to get you through what you are going through. It’s nobody’s fault.

Pain in our hearts can lead to bad choices. Think about that, and ponder it.

Let’s practice not pointing the finger together.

peace and love

Dear Readers, I’m Grateful For Good Conversation

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I’ve realized that I don’t enjoy surface level conversation. And what I really mean by that is I don’t enjoy gossiping at all. I don’t like listening to people talk about others in a negative way to others.

I was hanging out with some mom friends that I actually met through my daughters. It’s not like we had bad conversation but it would also be like, “how do you feel about this person?….” Or, “what do you think of this person?”

I just couldn’t engage. I feel like I’ve read enough books where you can’t judge people like that. You never know what an individual has gone through or has experienced. It’s not fair. Where’s the empathy?

During this girl time I felt incredibly reserved and wanted to just blurt out, “is anyone reading anything good right now?” But I just listened and observed and recognized.

The kinds of conversations that I enjoy is talking about history or insane memoirs from people you’ve never heard of. I want to talk about things you’ve learned or an experience that changed your life. I want to engage on how to make this world better not degrading another persons way of handling things.

Tell me something funny that made you laugh! Or something that freaks you out! Or can we talk about how this whole earth experience is crazy in itself. Like, isn’t this all so weird? You know what I mean?

But…..

in order to have these types of conversations one has to give themselves permission to be vulnerable and to have a degree of confidence in themselves I feel.

I have had some amazing conversations with other people that I just can’t believe what they have shared with me. And I feel incredibly honored to make a person feel comfortable enough to sharing intimate details of their life with me.

When we let our guard down we help others to do the same. But some people don’t let their guard down because I believe there’s a level of insecurity or fear.

And that’s okay. With time we all evolve.

Thanks for listening :).

Share something with me if you have a moment! Would love to learn about YOU, My dear reader!

– mg

Feng Shui Tip – When You Feel Stuck In Life Move 27 Things

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simple shui tip: move 27 things!

Full Original Article

Ways To Switch It Up

turn your vertically lined books to horizontal stacks

swap around drawers – linens, silverware, files in the desk

rearrange the kitchen cupboards

switch up the refrigerator shelves

push furniture an inch to the left or right (or completely into another room!)

switch lamps out to different rooms

move the chairs around your table

put everything dropped by the door back in its space

color-code your closet (or bookshelves!)

fold your towels a new way

organize the spice drawer / shelf

hang the dog leash somewhere that reminds you to take her for a walk

shake out the front door mat

edit the book pile by your bed

move your phone charger out of the bedroom

change the bulbs in a light to a brighter watt

flip a table arrangement so everything on the left is now on the right, and the right is now a lefty

move art on the walls around

turn all the shoes in your closet so they face one direction — with the toes facing out

dress the table with a linen-cloth and make mealtime a little more fancy

bring a few candles that normally sit somewhere unlit into a room where you’ll light them

take everything off your desk, wipe it down, and put everything back (ahhh!)

switch out your bed linens or add a different quilt to the foot of the bed

move an entire room around and try it out for a week

move the fridge magnets around

put something different in front of a mirror so that it doubles something new in your life

sharpen your pencils

give the dog bed a hearty shake and fluff / rotate the cat condo

turn the plants around so the other side soaks up the sun

flip the rugs, mattress, or couch cushions!

why 27 items, you ask? the short answer—it’s a shui thing. twenty-seven is [a multiple of] the number 9, the number representing power, manifestation, and completion. bonus: you don’t need to add or buy anything.

@simpleshui

Hey YOU, You’re Beautiful

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I don’t need to know you or see you to know that you reading this, dear reader, are beautiful.

Sometimes we need to be reminded how special and unique we are. Allow me to remind you.

You are a once in a lifetime. Shaped and molded in a way that cannot be duplicated. A rare commodity.

You aren’t perfect my friend, and guess what, nobody is. Each of us is flawed in our own way. But isn’t is wonderful?

How boring it would be if we were all the same and shared all the same experiences. It’s our differences that bring color and vibrancy to this world and universe. It’s the differences that help us to grow and grant us permission to see through the many different filters of life.

Celebrate those “imperfections”. Learn to love yourself. Learn to see yourself. You are worthy of your own love. Love yourself. You are loved.

There is no need to seek approval from the outside. When unkindness greets in those unexpected moments you shake it off immediately and most definitely don’t take it personally.

But again, I don’t need to know you or see to know that you are beautiful. You are. You are a miracle. You are here, you are alive. You’re doing it.

You’re a gift, you know that right? You truly are. You have purpose. You have value. You have magic flowing in you. There is so much light in you, even if right now the clouds are blocking the view. It’s there glowing brightly.

You are beautiful.

Give A Golden Kiwi

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Write about a random act of kindness you’ve done for someone.

Here’s a random one.

Not to long ago I was at the grocery store doing you know, the weekly shopping.

The golden kiwis were on sale so I put 4 or 5 little cartons of kiwi in the grocery cart.

At check out an older lady and her husband were standing behind me. Probably in their 60s. She points to the kiwis and says, “oh wow, what kind of kiwis are those? I’ve never seen them before.” I said, “oh my goodness they are golden kiwi, they are soooo good. I had never tried these before either until my stepmom introduced them to me.”

She then says, “I’ll have to get them next time. We love fruit.”

After I finished paying for my groceries I handed her a carton of golden kiwis with a smile and said, “Here. Take these.”

She had the most surprised look on her face. I can still see it in my head. Maybe it had been awhile since a human has surprised her. She kept saying, “are you sure?” And I said, “Yes, yes! Absolutely! Enjoy!”

She was so thankful. It made me feel so good too. I truly hope she and her husband enjoyed the fruit!

I Love My Hubby, But……

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What bothers you and why?

The first thing that comes to mind is….

being rushed.

My husband always rushes me when we need or want to go somewhere. I can’t stand it. He will start the car sometimes while I am barely even ready!

He is always in a hurry though. I find myself saying often, “do we have an appointment somewhere? Did I miss something? Why are we rushing?”

I don’t know that this behavior will ever really change but I have accepted that’s how he is. Luckily I am able to get ready super fast. And when I get in the car I’m usually angry.

Then I look at him and say, “you should be happy I can get ready so fast and I am not high maintenance.” Then he smiles and says, “one of the reasons why I married you.” And then gives a cute wink. Then I give him a smirk like, “yeah yeah…” It’s so hard to stay mad at him for long.

But you know what ends up happening sometimes? I end up saying, “I don’t know if I unplugged the straightener?” Then he gets all mad at me that he has to turn around because I HAVE to check. And I really do! I HAVE to make sure it’s unplugged! It’s annoying! These days I literally say outload, “the straightener is unplugged.” And if it’s not the straightener it’s the oven or the stove.

That has happened more than once.

However, now when he rushes me, before he pulls out of the drive way he says, “Marie go make everything is unplugged.”

So we are making progress. Haha!

The Answer You Seek Is Within

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Have you ever spent time looking for your sunglasses or glasses all over your home only to discover that they have been on your head this whole time?! Or maybe you searched everywhere for your phone only to realize it’s been snug in your back pocket?

Something I have learned is that whatever you are searching for to fill a specific void is not out there. The answer is within. You may think a specific thing is going to fulfill you…. And then when you actually do get it you’re going to still have that void. And then you’re going to be left very confused and concerned. You’re going to think, I really thought this was going to fulfill me and answer all my questions. Why do I still feel this emptiness? This void? This feeling?

The answer is right where you are. And the way you discover your answer is by spending time with yourself. Getting to know yourself. Learning to love yourself.

The way we spend time getting to know others we should be spending time getting to know who we are. Why do we act a specific way? Why do we respond the way that we do? Why are we afraid of this and that? Ask why about yourself, and keeping asking it. Discover what you enjoyed doing as a kid, discover what brought peace to you and bring it back.

Saying, “this is just the way I am” is not your full truth. You have shape and definition. Why would you not want to discover the tools and colors that were used to create who you are as an individual. Give yourself time to discover yourself. Not all your discoveries will be pleasant. Some will be painful. Vulnerability forms deeper connections with others. Being vulnerable with yourself does the same.

Nobody is this entire world knows you the way that you know yourself. Nobody knows what you have seen or experienced. You’re worth getting to know, and you’re worth your love. See yourself for the miracle that you truly are.

You Are A Sacred Gift

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There’s a book I just began reading called, “A Child Of The Native Race.” A story of woman who was born to an Indian family but taken away at 18 months old and raised by a white family. It’s a story of returning to her roots.

In her dedication the author Sandy White Hawk says this,

“

Even if we came into this world in the worst of circumstances.

We are not that circumstance; we were sacred when we were born

separate from the hardship that surrounded us.

Our life is good and has a purpose.”

“

This quote above really resonated with me in such a way. I don’t know that I can fully put into words.

It resonated with me because of my own adoption story and discovering my roots and finding my biological family. And it resonated because of my daughter, and her adoption story.

And currently, we are fostering my nephew, who we plan on adopting.

It is sad? The circumstance? In a way, yes, yes it is. And that should be acknowledged. But it is also a gift as well in it’s own way. And the gift may not be recognized until many years later (I can testify to that). This quote above affirms what I already know. That each of us are sacred, no matter how we entered this world. No matter the circumstance in which we are born into.

When we enter into this world we couldn’t be anymore pure. Each of us, first born, are so full of life, curiousity, adventure. It is the world, the pressures, the fears, the power and greed that work to steal us away from who we are. We become confused, afraid, and we feed ourselves lies.

Listen to me….

We are sacred gifts. We are miracles. We are love. You must never forget that. Never forget how significant you are. Never doubt your capabilities. You are chosen. That is the truth.

Forgive others. Forgive yourself.

Many of us DO enter this world through challenging circumstances. But how we come into this place does not define who we are. We are still chosen to be here, despite the troubles that may surround us. And we will find our way.

Lean not on your own understanding.

Live your days recognizing the gifts that surround you. Remind others that they are treasure. Help others to see how remarkable they are. We are never alone on our journey.

Discussing and sharing is healing and it’s connecting.

Lots of love always.

– m.g.