Tag: advice

5 Struggles Of A Kinship Adoption

The Wild GemsLeave a comment

What is a kinship adoption?

A kinship adoption is an adoption of a child by an extended family member. An example would be a child’s Grandma, Grandpa or maybe an Aunt, or Uncle.

If a kinship adoption is occurring the circumstances are not typically ideal and can be very heartbreaking for many people involved.

Substance abuse is a prime example of why a kinship adoption may occur.

The great thing about a kinship adoption is the child or children remain within their family who they are usually already familiar with. Which can help with a smoother transition for the child or even other family members.

In many cases it is preferred that a child that needs to be adopted remains within family but sometimes it just cannot be done. And that’s ok. Each adoption case has a story and is different.

Having had guardianship over my niece now for over two years and legally adopting her with my husband I would like to share the struggles of a kinship adoption and maintaining an open relationship with the birth mother.

(It is entirely up to you if decide to keep an open relationship with the birth parent or parents. It’s difficult because the birth parent or parents are related to you in some way and your relationship is now impacted and will no longer be the same going forward.)

I am sharing these struggles for other people that may be in the process of adopting a family member or having to make the decision of taking a child in and gaining an idea of what to expect if you accept this responsibility.

What matters is doing the absolute best for the child.

I am sharing these struggles so YOU reading this have an idea on what to expect when adopting a child and maintaining an open relationship. I hope this will allow you prepare in some way and to go into this process aware and confident.

5 Struggles Of A Kinship Adoption

1. The Whole Family is Affected

When you take in a child within the family the whole family is affected. If the child has other siblings it can be even more of a challenge because they may not know the whole situation. Family members are hurt, upset, concerned and it takes a toll on everyone. The family members that are very affected are the ones taking the child in. It can create hardships within your own family and significant other. It can be even more difficult adapting when you have children of your own for many different reasons.

2. It’s Drama And A Whole Lot Of Emotion

The relationship with the birth parent or parents becomes very unstable. The relationship will be different and emotions will constantly be high. The birth parent or parents are more comfortable saying how they are feeling or saying very inappropriate things because they can “get away with it” because you are indeed kin. Hurtful actions and words will take place and you can’t take what is being said or done personal. Easier said then done.

3. Developing Boundaries And Ensuring EVERYONE Is On the Same Page

A birth parent or parents may have lost custody but they will expect to still be able to see their child whenever they want. They also may expect to still have a say in the raising of the child.

The child is no longer in their care. This is where you need to establish boundaries. The child was taken away for a reason and when the boundaries are set it is very important that the rest of the family respect your wishes. This is the struggle. Not everyone will be on the same page with your boundaries. You may be blind sided at times and will have to constantly remind other family members what is and what is not okay when it comes to the birth parent or parents.

4. Doing What Is Best For The Child

Other family members will share their input and it’s hard to separate those feelings and what’s really best for your child. You will want to accomadate to what they want or you will try to make everyone else happy. It’s easy to lose track of what’s best for the child because now relationships with other family members are interfering and you don’t want to upset or hurt anyone. It’s very difficult and it becomes very upsetting when other family members are upset with you when you are just trying to do what’s best for your child. They will have a difficult time seeing things from your side and perspective.

5. Not Receiving Empathy/Lack Of Support

Some family members will not take the time to really notice the struggles that you are facing or even take the time to understand how hard this has all been. Especially when it happens out of the complete blue. This is why it feels like you are going through this alone at times.

People have a hard time understanding that you made THE CHOICE to take the child and other family members will take advantage of the situation not truly realizing what your position truly entails. Especially as you move forward and as the child gets older. If you decide this or that, a family member may lash out at you because they don’t agree with a decision that you made. When really, you should be supported whether they like it or not.

The birth parent is asked about, the child is asked about, but often you won’t be asked how this is all affecting you.

With writing this my goal is to share common struggles you may face when handling an open kinship adoption and to ensure you that you are not alone.

It’s hard. I know it is.

But I also know the many amazing things that come out of a kinship adoption. Before we took in my now daughter I remember googling the pros and cons of taking in a family member because I wanted to know what to expect. I knew taking her in would be hard and would open plenty of cans of worms but I also knew it was the right thing to do.

You are doing the right thing and that child you may have now is very fortunate to be with you. YOU, are their parent. Despite the struggles you are facing and will face there is no better place they could be.

To the person or persons taking in a Child within the family:

What you are doing is brave and takes courage. I want you to know you are doing the right thing even if you feel confused and stressed right now. Taking a child without any time to prepare is extremely challenging and many others don’t know the hardship of it all.

You are not alone in how you feel, you are not alone in this process, and you are not alone with your decisions.

There will be challenges and there will be tears, however, there are many rainbows within these storms I can assure you.

When To Have Your Second Baby – The Best Age Gap

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If you’re reading this, you’re probably ready for another baby. How exciting!

Well, actually is anyone really “ready”?

I should say, you’re ready to just take the leap! OR maybe you’re wondering when to have another baby. This blog will provide some insight on what I think is the perfect age gap for having another baby.

When I had my first baby my husband was already ready for another baby when she was 6 months old. Are you kidding me!? I definitely wasn’t. I felt like I was still adjusting and wasn’t ready to take on another baby when I currently had one. Plus, I was a little traumatized by my first birthing experience. Again, I just wasn’t ready.

Well, life throws you curve balls as we all know. We technically got a second baby when my first was 10 months old. Since they are the same age I categorize them together. They are like my little twins!

(If you’re interested in the story of how we got our second daughter you can search ‘blessing in disguise) or click below.

Noticing A Blessing In Disguise

When it comes to wanting a second baby you can’t always plan it out. Nature just takes it course and you go with it. However if you are able to somewhat plan it then plan for this age gap that I’m about to share!

The best time to start trying is when your child is a toddler, around 2 and a half. Which means when your new baby enters the world they will be about 3 years old maybe close to 4 years old.

Now of course this is my own opinion. I’m speaking through my experience and so far with having two three year olds and a newborn it’s been nothing but an amazing thing!!

Here’s why!

Why is 2-3 years the perfect age gap for a second baby?

  • Your toddler will more then likely be potty trained
  • Your toddler will love helping and enjoy the responsibility of being a big brother or big sister
  • Your child is mature enough to help you out
  • They know how to be gentle and are more resilient to obeying what you say
  • The jealousy is minimal, if anything they will be more possessive over the new baby
  • Your toddler is at an age when you can enroll him/her in preschool, which means more one on one time with your newborn
  • You’re less likely to go insane with a 2-3 year gap (#truth)
black and white childhood children cute
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Now as I mentioned preciously this perfect age gap is my own opinion and I’m speaking through my experience.

So far this age gap has been perfect! My girls help me, they all nap together, they are potty trained, they know how to play by themselves and our quiet during “quiet time”, and they are the best big sisters!!

I love watching this bond so much. It’s the perfect age gap.

20 Habits To Teach My Daughters

The Wild GemsLeave a comment
woman carrying child in carrier while standing beside girl

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As a mother and a parent you can only hope and pray that when the day comes for your kids to venture on their own and do their own thing that they will be more then okay.

More then anything you want them to always be happy, to chase their dreams and to overall be a good person.

As much as you always want them to need you, you also want them to be independent and to be able to solve their own problems and to provide solutions to others.

In order for them to be independent and successful it’s important to develop good habits at an early age. Of course that’s my own personal opinion.

Being a mother to 3 girls, it’s very important to me for them to develop good habits in more then one category.

I want them to live an amazing life, with more joy then regrets and fears. I hope they feel accomplished while staying humble. And I pray that my 3 daughters will always stay close with one another through their lives. (I have faith they will hold each other accountable when they don’t feel like confiding in my husband or myself)

Teaching my daughters good habits while they are young I feel will only benefit them.

To me it’s much easier to develop a good habit then to break a bad habit.

With that being said here’s a list of habits I will teach my daughters in hopes that they will continue these habits as they grow older with age.

I do believe in these good habits and I know they can provide fulfillment in their lives.

20 Habits To Teach My Daughters

1. To Always Make Your Bed

Making your bed is such an easy way to start your day in a positive way. It encourages you to keep the rest of your room clean and tidy and did you know that making your bed every morning lowers stress levels. Also a nice made bed just makes you feel good and is nice to get into when it’s time for bed, am I right ?

2. To Have A Vision

Having a vision on what you want in your life and what you want to accomplish leads to motivation and productivity. Having a vision helps you to stay focus on your dreams and goals. It’s about knowing where you are going and what you want to do along the way.

3. To Stay Active

There are numerous benefits to staying active in your life. Higher self esteem, more confidence, lower stress, more energy, and that’s just a few of them! I want my daughters to choose activities, to explore, and to challenge their amazing bodies. We are more capable then we think.

4. To Be Mindful Of Their Diet

Im not saying I don’t ever want my girls to eat junk food, that’s just not living. I want them to be mindful though. To eat foods that will provide for them and not just be full of empty calories. Your health is so important and no, you can’t control everything. However you can control what you are putting into your body.

5. To Pay Themselves First

I don’t want My Daughters ever living paycheck to paycheck. I’ve been there and I’ve seen it with working in banking. I don’t want my daughters constantly being or feeling stressed by money. Paying yourself first means to put money into a savings every time you get money . Debt is a heavy burden. I want my daughters to be smart with handling money.

6. To Read

Reading is so power and I truly believe that. There is so much to be said and to learn through books. Words can influence and inspire. To have a habit of reading is having a habit of eagerness to constantly learn and grow.

7. To Be A Giver

I want my daughters to always know, that they will always have enough to give. I want them to give freely. I know how good giving feels and it’s also something we are instructed to do. The more we give, the more that will be given to us. To help another person or persons is being a light in their life. And I will always encourage my daughters to shine bright.

8. To Be Optimistic

Life is life. It’s not always fair and many things will happen in life that we just won’t understand. However, we choose our attitudes and our behaviors. Remaining optimistic and trusting in all situations will provide more peace in our lives. Who doesn’t want more peace and rest and in their life. I know if my daughters can remain optimistic through even the tough times that they will live a happier life and uplift others along the way.

9. To ALWAYS be Grateful

You’ve heard it before, omebody always has it worse. When you think your situation is a horrible one you will only be shown how grateful you really should be. I want my daughters to give thanks in all things, even the bad things. Everything that happens is shaping and guiding us in some way. Our trials are what strengthen us. No matter what, I want them to always be grateful.

10. To Clean Up After Themselves

People don’t like messy people. Sorry not sorry. It’s polite, it’s good manners, and cleanliness is just overall a great habit to have. I don’t think I need to say anymore.

11. To Always Take Time To Learn Someone’s Story

Everyone has a story. Not all are comfortable sharing theirs but some need to share theirs. Listen to them, learn from them. It is a privilege when someone decides to share something very personal with you. I want my daughters to take the time to listen to what someone can offer them through their own experiences. And to always thank them after they share something. It can take some courage sharing a story, we all know that much.

12. To Treat Yourself, Often

Often times we do so much for others that we forget to take care of ourselves. Treating ourselves lifts our spirit, boosts our mood, and is overall refreshing. It’s important to take care of yourself. Your happiness matters. As my daughters grow up and their lives become busy I will constantly be asking, “What have you done for yourself?”

13. To Sleep When Tired

Sleep is rejuvenating and we need sleep to properly function. It’s so important to listen to your body when it is tired and needs rest. Don’t just drink another coffee or energy drink. If the body is tired then rest. I also believe sleep has healing powers. I wish for my daughters to develop good sleeping habits.

14. To Be Courteous Of Others

I want my daughters to be courteous and respectful of others. Everyone has a story and everyone is going through something or has gone through something. There is no room to judge others or to ever think you are superior of another person.

15. To Pray/Meditate Daily

Prayer. Enough said. ( Joshua 1:9) I know with prayer my daughters will never feel alone.

16. To Live More Minimal Vs. Material

Less is more. The greatest things in life are not material things. Those types of things can only provide a temporary happiness. Then we become bored, and want something else. Training ourselves to live minimally and developing a habit of separating needs and wants will take you much farther and provide more clarity and freedom. I don’t want my daughters feeling they have to have specific items to feel joy.

17. To Practice Affirmations Often

Affirmations provide a type of awareness and self identity. We are capable of so much however many times we convince ourselves that we are not deserving or worthy. With practicing positive affirmations often we are reminding ourselves of our potential and what we are capable of. With encouraging my daughters to do affirmations I know they will begin to recognize how strong, courageous, and beautiful they truly are.

18. To Laugh At Yourself

We aren’t perfect, we are human. We are going to make mistakes in our life. Instead of dwelling over something that is out of our control or becoming fixated on something in the past we need to develop a habit of laughing at ourselves and brushing it off. We can’t change what’s been done but we can control our reactions. I want my daughters to learn to laugh at themselves vs beating themselves up.

19. To Serve Others

We all need one another. Giving your time is the best gift you can give. There are so many opportunities to serve others and in doing so I know others will help them when they are in need.

20. To Always Pause, And Enjoy The Moment

You know that country song that goes, “I’m in a hurry to get things done oh I rush and rush until life’s no fun, all I really gotta do is live and die, but I’m in a hurry and I don’t know why.”

We are always in a rush. Our mind is always on the next thing. We become so distracted that we don’t stop and enjoy where we are. Life is too short and too fragile to not just embrace moments. I want my daughters to stop and enjoy the sunset, to lay outside and look at the stars, to put their phones down. I want them to stop and to smell the flowers.

“Here’s To Strong Women. May We Know Them. May We Be Them. May We Raise Them.”

 

What kind of habits are you teaching your daughters?

A Guide To Mentally Preparing Yourself For A C-Section – You Got This Mama

The Wild GemsLeave a comment

Whether you have been scheduled a c-section or you’re anticipating one, it can be a little overwhelming.

Especially if you’ve had already one and it wasn’t a good experience. Could have been an emergency one or something different. Whatever the case, it may have left you on edge a bit.

Thinking of labor and delivery may be the last thing you want to do because you’re probably scared to relive it or you’re afraid of the unknown of going through it.

Which btw is completely normal to experience these feelings and anxiety before a c-section.

I know the feeling of fear leading up to a c-section. I had an emergency one with my first. My second was scheduled. I was absolutely terrified. To the point of crying pretty much anytime anyone brought it up to me.

When I found out I was pregnant I already anticipated that I would be having another c-section. The fear I had of having to go through that again stole joy from my pregnancy. It was difficult for me to enjoy because I was so fixated on what I was going to have to go through again. I was stuck on THAT experience. Assuming it would be the exact same way. (note: emergency and scheduled really are completely different.)

I want you to know that I know how you’re feeling and I really hope this blog post can help you ease your mind and go into this procedure with a strong and courageous attitude!

Below is exactly what I did and I’m so happy I took the time to mentally prepare myself. I didn’t want my baby entering the world with a stressed mama and I wanted to embrace and be brave through this experience. 

(If you have questions or concerns or just want to talk about how you’ve been feeling please don’t hesitate to contact me.)

A Guide To Mentally Preparing Yourself For A C-Section

(This was a repeat c-section for me. My first was an emergency and my second one was scheduled and what a completely different experience it was. I also healed way faster then with my first. I was still scared naturally ,however taking the time to mentally prepare myself helped me beyond measures. I truly hope what I did may help you in someway as well.)

  • Listen To Soothing Music

Music is proven to calm down anxiety. What I did was I bought “soothing music” on iTunes. (The type of music you would hear while getting a massage.) I would go to sleep with it on a night because that was often the time my fears would really set it. I listened to this type of music a week prior of my scheduled c-section. I know it helped calming my nerves.

  • Say Daily Affirmations

Affirmations are more powerful then you may believe. Saying affirmations truly helped me to overcome my fears and negative thoughts. Whenever I caught myself thinking the worst I would say or think to myself,

“I am strong and courageous. I am not afraid. I know God is with me.”

This is in reference to the scripture Joshua 1:9. I can’t even express how much power I would feel saying this often and how much peace it brought me.

  • Read Positive Uplifting C-Sections Stories (They do exist)

When people hear “c-section” they often associate it with a negative experience. People will often give you a cringe type of look when you tell them you have a scheduled C-section or that you’ve had a C-section.

I want you to know there are some great, uplifting, positive stories out there. You just have to search them. These stories can provide some type of relief that your experience can be just as wonderful and positive as theirs.

  • Express Your Concerns And Fears To Your Doctor

This is very important. My hope is that you trust and are very comfortable with your Doctor. Let her or him know how you have been feeling. They will do their absolute best to calm you and make this a very pleasant experience for you.

When I had my c-section I requested to have oxygen to keep me calm. I didn’t even end up using it because I was able to calm myself down mentally. I was so proud myself. My doctors and nurses were also extremely amazing and made me feel so safe and comfortable. I cannot thank them enough for going above and beyond for me.

  • Talk About It

When I was able to talk about my delivery without crying I knew I was making progress. The more you actually talk about the procedure and recovery the more comfortable and confident you will be going in.

  • Make A Mental Check List

I read a blog titled ‘What To Expect When Having A C-Section By An L&D Nurse’. Her blog literally walked me through exactly what I went through.

It helps knowing what to expect so you aren’t caught off guard by anything. So when we left in the morning I started checking off things in my head, I was somewhat a step ahead or already knew what the next step would be. I felt more in control of the situation.

(This is a glimpse of what I was checking off in my head. I made a checklist on my notes app.)

  • Try To Have Your Procedure Scheduled In The Morning

The sooner the better. Statistically less complications happen in surgeries scheduled in the morning. This will provide a little peace of mind for you if you can be scheduled in the morning.

Also the Doctors and Nurses are just starting their day. They are alert and hopefully well rested to care for you as their first patient.

  • Pray (Ask For Prayers)/Meditate

Pray, pray, pray. I am a believer in prayers and I know God hears them. This is where your faith and trust is truly strengthened.

And it is OKAY to ask for prayers. It’s more then okay.

  • Distract Yourself

When you feel your mind being directed back to your fears DISTRACT YOURSELF. Worrying truly isn’t going to do anything but steal joy from enjoying your days and nights.

What I did was play and entertain my other two daughters, read, and wrote blogs. It kept me busy and mind off other stuff.

  • Trust And Think About Meeting Your Baby

Put all your focus on meeting your little miracle. Express your gratitude and try your best to just enjoy the moment and all the little details. You will be so happy you did.

It will all be worth it Mama. Before you know you will be holding your sweet baby. You got this.

I know you can do this. I am praying for you and I wish you a happy and healthy delivery. As well as a super fast recovery.

Confront Your Fears And Struggles With These 8 Affirmations – Scripture References Included

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Everyone is going through something. No matter how they appear on the outside is irrelevant to what they may be experiencing on the inside.

Life has its hard moments. Moments where you feel like you are suffocating, you feel restrained, you feel unworthy, you feel defeated, you are fearful to the unknown.

When these obstacles visit, they typically visit unannounced and typically strike very hard. No preparation, they just completely catch you off guard. Leaving you bruised and winded.

I know it’s challenging when these moments happen or when you can’t seem to break free of these demons that are haunting you. Not everyone will know what you are going through. However I want to share that everyone knows the feeling of struggle in some form or another.

I want you to know that trials and tribulations are apart of life and they help us to strengthen our faith. When you think you are alone, I want you to know that you are not alone. I also don’t want you to give up. Never give up. Progression never ends and you will always have to work to get to the other side. Hard moments, fearful moments, challenging moments…they do not last forever.

In James 1:2-4 it is mentioned that we should be joyful during the trials in our life. These times are a true test of our faith in our Heavenly Father.

The Holy Bible – James 1:2-4

2. My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials,

3. knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.

4. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. 

An Affirmation is a statement; you are declaring something. With saying these affirmations you are gaining power and not allowing your thoughts or attitude to go negative. This control of your mind is crucial in maturing and moving forward. When you find yourself thinking or behaving in a negative manner stop what you are doing and say a few affirmations to yourself. Just keep saying it, and don’t stop.

The more you say these affirmations the more they will resonate with you, the stronger your faith will become, and soon enough your armor will be indestructible. You will be able to handle anything that life throws at you.

Because remember, you are never alone in your turmoil.

With saying these affirmations I know it will provide the courage to take on whatever trial or trouble you are currently facing in your life.

God Bless You. 

Confront Your Fears And Struggles With These 8 Affirmations – Scripture References Included

(I encourage you to look up these scripture references and to highlight them. There may come a time when you are reading and this highlighted scripture will jump at you when you need it the most)

  • I trust in and love God completely, he is the only one I truly need and will direct me where to go Proverbs 3:5-6
  • God is my strength and is with me always Philippians 4:13 Psalm 23:4
  • I do not fear, I know God will not leave me Deuteronomy 31:6 Genesis 21:22
  • When I am afraid I will trust in God Psalm 25:2-5
  • I am living on purpose and will do great things Jeremiah 32:19 Ephesians 2:10
  • I am a confident person that does not worry Matthew 6:25-34
  • Through my trials my faith with only strengthen and mature James 1:2-4
  • I will choose to do things that I am afraid of 2 Timothy 1:7 
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God loves you and he wants you live a joyful life. He knows what he is doing. I know it can be difficult but trusting the Lord will provide peace in your life.

I pray these affirmations will provide peace for you. They have helped me tremendously and I know they can help you as well.

Please share any thoughts or comments, or feel free to contact me.

Thank you!

In A Nutshell, This Is What You Can Expect In Your 20’s

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20’s are an absolute blast I will say and a time for some full on growth.

Full of foolish moments that make you smile whenever you think about them. Happy hours, parties, late night shenanigans, plenty of all nighters, summer love, blurry moments, adventure, dancing, and some really fun, stupid times.

A few moments of “what was I thinking?” and, “I still can’t believe I did that” will happen when reminiscing about your 20’s.

Your twenties are kind of the carefree time in your life. At least in the beginning it starts like that.

When I say carefree I mean go with the flow kind of mentality. That things will just work out how they need so. Your thought process is that you have time.

Later you realize that’s not exactly how it works, if you want something it’s going to take work and you have to be willing to put in the work to get what you want. You also realize time doesn’t wait and you don’t get time back.

You don’t really realize how young and naive you are at that age till you are reflecting on the past.

You will be a different person at age 21, 25, and 29 no doubt. A little hard to believe how much changing and evolving happens during this time.

Your 20’s are full of growing and identifying who you are and what you truly want to be. You may move to a different city, make a drastic career change, get into a committed relationship, do things you said you’d never do, and a few setbacks may happen here and there.

Your 20’s are also full of mistakes. Recalling events or actions and feeling completely embarrassed or guilty. Or not taking that leap of faith your initiation was telling you to do.

During these moments you learn to discover the silver lining in all things.

Towards the end of your 20’s you begin to love yourself and you learn how to not let the opinions of others alter who you are. You may become lost, but you also find yourself in a completely different way.

You drift away from friends but gain new ones. Some you cut off completely, some you rekindle with.

You become very close with your family and recognize how often they have been there for you and have supported you.

You may get married and have kids. If it’s not happening to you it will be happening to the people around you. Don’t feel rushed or saddened.

There is a time for everything. One lesson you will learn in your 20’s.

There will also be a few hard moments that will probably happen in your 20’s. Heartbreak and loss. Feelings of wasted time and regret.

Struggles will happen with your relationship, you may experience struggles of trying to start a family, you may struggle with work, you may struggle with debt, you may experience betrayal, you may experience heartbreak, etc.

These are the moments that will shape you the most. You will become more empathic towards others and gain a variety of different perspectives.

A few things you will take with you onto the next decade are:

  • More confidence and more self assurance
  • A list of goals you are determined to accomplish
  • Awareness of how fast life really does go
  • Words of wisdom from friends, parents, or mentors
  • The courage to say No to things you really don’t want to do
  • That things will pass, and life does go on
  • More knowledge about your physical and mental health and how you need to stay on that
  • Friendships you’re incredibly thankful for

Advice for your 20s

  • Embrace everything
  • Seize opportunities that approach you
  • Explore and Travel
  • Learn how to manage your finances
  • Exercise
  • Spend time with your parents
  • Read more
  • Go On A Solo Trip If You Can
  • Don’t compare your journey to someone else’s
  • Pray
  • If you aren’t happy, don’t wait, do something about it NOW

On to the next adventure. On to the 30’s.

For myself, I am incredibly grateful for where I am and the lessons I have learned.

Wishing you the best, always.

Be grateful. Be thankful. Be humble.

I have 3 Requests Before You Meet My Newborn

The Wild GemsLeave a comment

Having a newborn is a very joyful, exciting, and can be extremely overwhelming and stressful experience. Especially if this is your first baby.

With figuring out breastfeeding, motherhood paranoia, a body that is still healing from birth, sleep deprivation…..it’s a lot to process in the beginning. Not to mention your hormones are now adjusting to this change that just happened. It’s exhausting.

And everyone adapts differently. Everyone. Don’t compare your yourself to anyone else.

Once you have your newborn, it’s like flys to a light. Everyone wants to come visit you and meet your new little bundle.

First of all, if you’re a new mom, don’t feel obligated to tell everyone yes to meeting your baby right away. This is a precious time and again, you’re also healing. They can wait.

With my first I didn’t allow anyone to see me or meet my baby in the hospital. Everyone is different I know, but personally I didn’t want to see anyone. Not even my family. And once we got home, everyone wanted to come visit….and for the most part I let them.

But in my head I was thinking I just had major surgery, I’m bleeding right now, I’m in pain, I’m so tired…….why are you here? Let me be for a little bit and give me a moment to bond with my baby. But did I say any of that…..of course not.

When you have your baby believe it or not you become extremely possessive and mama bear kicks in high gear. You let people hold your baby but in your head you’re shouting; give her back! Don’t hold her like that! Okay, she wants her mom now….

With a new baby, have people visit when YOU are ready.

Remember this is YOUR baby. It’s OK to have a few requests with people meeting your baby for the first time. Know that much.

SO with that being said, I’d like to share my own requests:

  1. If You’re Sick, Please Stay Away

You’d think this would be a no brainer but it’s surprisingly not! Well, truth be told I think deep down people know they shouldn’t be getting close to a new baby when they are sick but unfortunately it happens. And it happens often sadly enough.

Listen, I know you may be anxious to see those cute little cheeks and baby lips. But if you are sick, feel like you are getting sick, or literally just got over something please STAY AWAY.

Please wait till you are better. This is a newborn, my newborn, and I don’t want any harm to my baby.

2. DO NOT Kiss MY Baby 

Please do not kiss my baby, ESPECIALLY, on the lips. This is my baby and I do not feel comfortable with you kissing my baby.

Now, you may offend people with this request, if you choose to tell people the same thing. Shocking I know, but unfortunately true. The people you will offend are the family members. But listen, they need to respect your wishes. If you see them kissing your baby, do not hesitate to step in and say something if you are not comfortable with it. Also, don’t feel the need to explain your reasoning.

As I mentioned previously, I am not comfortable with it. That is all I need to say.

3. Make Sure Your Hands Are Clean

Please, if you’re going to hold my baby, wash your hands before you hold her. More then likely you’re going to be admiring how adorable her little feet and hands are which will you lead you to touching them….

But what you don’t know is she sucks on her hands for comfort.

Now you know why I ask that your hands are clean.


Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Those are my requests

  • If you’re sick, please stay away
  • Do not kiss my baby
  • Make sure your hands are clean

Simple, right?

Do you have any newborn requests or stories you’d like to share in relation to my requests. Please let me know!

Enjoy your newborn Mama, and don’t be afraid to put the foot down when needed. 

  

For You…Daughter – I Wish And Hope

The Wild GemsLeave a comment
A poem dedicated to you
(This poem is not written by The Wild Gems, all credit is given to Joan Benicken. Thank you for your beautiful poem.)

pexels-photo-1028707

‘My Hope for you, Daughter’

I can’t give you the world,

filled with all its riches.

I can’t promise you a life free from

sickness, pain, and disappointment,

for that is a gift not mine to give.

I cannot guarantee that you

will never feel your heart break.

My only hope for you is that

you fulfill the dreams deep within you.

I wish for you to know yourself

and be faithful to yourself.

For if you do,

you will be able to fully love others.

Be free to choose your course in life

without fearing a wrong decision.

Reflect on what you have been taught,

and take time to listen to your heart.

Never lose the ability to feel with open arms

all the passion and joy that life holds for you.

Give all you have

without looking for something in return.

Reach out for that which you can attain

and not for that which is impossible.

My hope for you, my daughter,

is that you will be all you can be,

for only then will you awaken

to the person you want to be.

– Joan Benicken

From the book ‘There Is So Much to Love About You…Daughter’ A Blue Mountain Arts Collection

Comfortable Pregnancy Apparel Must-Haves For Your Growing Baby Bump

The Wild GemsLeave a comment

Something that you’re going to have to do when you’re pregnant is…..go shopping and get some new clothes! As if you need a reason to shop, am I right?!

It’s when your precious little bump begins to grow that your everyday clothing becomes well, a little uncomfortable to say the least.

You can only use a hair tie for so long to keep your pants together until you just can’t anymore.

If you’re not using a hair tie you’re probably using a pregnancy belly band. Which are great and super convenient by the way! I definitely recommend those in the beginning. But, eventually even that belly band soon becomes uncomfortable and you want your growing belly to be free and less compressed.

When everything starts feeling too tight let that be sign that it’s time to shop and change up your wardrobe for the next couple of months.

Maybe you’re thinking well what should I buy or wear? I’m only assuming that because you’re reading this. The simple answer is, get what’s comfortable TO YOU.

With this being my second pregnancy I am going to share with you the MUST-HAVES for your pregnancy wardrobe!

MUST HAVES FOR YOUR GROWING BABY BUMP

Maternity leggings

You can buy maternity leggings online or a maternity clothing store. I would suggest getting a least 2 pairs of maternity leggings. If you’re on the petite side you can also save yourself some money and just buy the next size up!

Overalls

I really enjoyed wearing overalls while pregnant. I got a pair of shorts overalls at tjmaxx that I loved to wear. They weren’t exactly maternity overalls, I just ended up buying one pair 3 sizes up. Typically overalls are pretty baggy when you buy at your size, so buying up should work for you too!

Cute and stylish, perfect for warm weather.

Maternity jeans (below the belly)

Belly the belly is just my own personal preference. You can buy maternity jeans that have a belly band, but to me it’s really not that comfortable. But remember, do what’s comfortable for you. 

You can find super cute, inexpensive maternity jeans at Target. I would suggest just getting at least one or two pairs of jeans for your pregnancy.

Maternity shorts (below the belly)

Being pregnant in the spring and summer, maternity shorts were a must for me!

I found cute, inexpensive maternity shorts at Target. I would suggest just getting at least one or two pairs of shorts for yourself if you’re pregnant during these warmer seasons.

A nightgown

Yes, girl. Get a nightgown. A nightgown while pregnant has been my best friend. When you think nightgown I know it doesn’t sound too attractive. However you can find some really cute or sexy ones on amazon. And of course Target has nightgowns too that will work during your pregnancy. What doesn’t Target have! I would suggest at least 2 night gowns.

sidenote: Will also be perfect postpartum!

Loose dresses (not form fitting)

Although form fitting dresses while pregnant are fun because it accentuates your belly, they aren’t that comfortable. I found myself feeling extremely bloated when I would wear form fitting clothing while pregnant.

Loose dresses are extremely convenient, stylish, and again, comfortable!

Drawstring linen pants/boho pants

Tjmaxx my friend. I found drawstring linen pants at Tjmaxx that were light, affordable, and cozy. If you don’t have much luck there I’d suggest amazon. At least 2 pairs will get you through.

Birkenstock Style Sandals

If you can afford Birkenstock sandals get some!

Don’t worry if you can’t though! That’s why I put Birkenstock style. I found a pair of generic Birkenstock sandals at a grocery store market place! Yeah, a grocery store! The sandals have hands down been my favorite footwear throughout my pregnancy! One pair is all you need. I highly recommend.

Now as for tops….

I would suggest just buying tops that are the next few sizes up. No need to really buy tops that are specifically maternity style unless you gotta have it because the design is cute.

Can’t find anything in the woman’s sections, try the men’s section! My husbands shirts were the best for this growing bump!

Clothing that is labeled ‘maternity’ can be really expensive, you’ll come to find a few sizes up works just fine. 

HAPPY SHOPPING MAMA BEAR! Have fun with it!

I told you I really enjoyed wearing overalls while pregnant! 36 weeks right here! Bump is a little hidden as you can tell, but still so much fun to wear!

@coffeewafflesandmotherhood – find me on Instagram!

If You Have Been Experiencing Mom Guilt, I Want You To Try This

The Wild GemsLeave a comment

Being a Mom can be challenging. That’s the truth, and for many different reasons and unique situations.

While Motherhood is absolutely amazing and very humbling, it’s full of struggles, hardship and what many other Mothers would call ‘Mom guilt’.

You really won’t hear too many Mothers going around talking about the struggles they have with parenting, a lot of times we keep our hard times to ourselves.

Why? Because we are ashamed to even have these feelings and emotions. We feel embarrassed and unworthy at times. It’s difficult when these types of moods occur.

I got to a point in this Motherhood journey where I knew I needed to change myself. Some of my actions were definitely uncalled for. How could I expect my little one to control their temper when I could barely control my own.

I found myself constantly complaining and it felt like I was pouring out nothing but negative things. I was loosing my patience on my toddlers. I was crying because of my behavior. I was disappointed in myself. I couldn’t believe some of the things I did and said. I truly felt unrecognizable.

My faith has always been important to me. Even more important and guiding once I became a Mother. I knew at this point where I was that I needed to be put in my place. I needed perspective and I needed an adjustment in my attitude.

When I decided that I needed to do something, a devotional book came to mind. In the past I would watch motivating videos on YouTube in hopes of being inspired or driven in some way. This time, I wanted something tangible and something that I could reference back to when needed.

I also knew a devotional book would strengthen my relationship with God, which is what I really needed. I needed help with Mothering my children because I was tired and burnt out to say the least.

I went onto amazon and I believe I typed in, ‘women’s devotional book’. Trusting God Day By Day: 365 Daily Devotionals by Joyce Meyer was one of the books that showed up in my search.

I choose that specific devotional book because of the numerous great reviews.

Mothers, I want you to try reading a devotional everyday, preferably from a devotional book. I personally suggest a book because more is said then just the devotional itself. Insight is shared, perspective is gained, and the author finds a way to connect you with their words, that you can apply to your every day life.

Try reading a devotional first thing in the morning, if not first thing in the morning then sometime during the day. 

(note: When you are reading your devotional have your bible, a journal, and a pen handy. Write down whatever stands out to you, or write down more specifically, what it means to you.)

I would like to share that reading a devotional everyday has truly helped me with my Mothering. I am more patient then I was, I am more empathetic, and I have gained more self control.

A few slips are going to happen. You’re human. However you will get closer and closer to where you want to be. You got this Mama! I am praying for you!

This is the devotional book I am currently reading daily and I am so grateful!

I’m so incredibly thankful for this journey and my beautiful daughters who have brought new colors into my world. Thank you so much for reading. I hope this will bring more peace to you and your family if you choose to try this.

@coffeewafflesandmotherhood