Sometimes Your Child Just Needs To Hear You Say, “I’m Sorry.”

Parenting is hard. 

As you have probably heard before parenting does not come with a manual guide, nor will it ever come with a guide because every single parent does parenting differently. There would be no way to accommodate to the variety of parenting styles if a guide even did exist.

I have 2 almost three year old’s and expecting another baby in a few months and I still do not have it figured out. Truth be told, I don’t believe I ever will. However, that does not bother me because I can appreciate that parenting is a journey full of never ending lessons. Some harder then others. I hear teenage years are the hardest. 

Before I became a parent I will admit I imagined it being nothing but easy and well, fun. Full of cute and happy moments. I never once thought about the struggles that come along with welcoming a child into your life.

I just thought about how I would be the ‘best mommy ever’. I am definitely not the best mommy ever FYI

I could not wait to be a mother. It was definitely a dream of mine and a calling I felt an eagerness to fulfill at a very young age. I had my first baby at 26, and I finally felt like this prayer of mine was answered.

When I became a parent, it was better then I ever imagined it to be. It was also way harder then I ever thought. I’m talking way harder. I think the way harder really set in when my husband and I received a second baby by surprise. We were completely caught off guard.

(we received our second baby when our first was 10 months old, to read about that story you can search ‘A Blessing In Disguise’)

Noticing A Blessing In Disguise

When you become a parent, you see things differently. You don’t just see things differently but you have a completely different awareness and understanding.

You look at your parents differently…….in good and bad lighting. Your friends who have had kids for a couple of years now? You feel sorry, because you just didn’t know what they were going through. You can even connect now with strangers almost everywhere you go that are holding a little hand.

You empathize with parents because you know it’s the most amazing and yet hardest privilege.

As a parent you want to do your best for your child. But it’s hard. There are many days where you feel like a complete failure. You also blame yourself for a lot of things that are really out of your control.

We never want to hurt them.

But truth be told, we are going to leave emotional scars on our children.

Now, that’s a real tough pill to swallow especially because we are continuously trying to be the best that we can be.

We do our best to give what we didn’t receive. To be, what are parents were not. To do, what are parent’s didn’t do. As well as, try not to do, what are parents did.

We do our best. But what we think is best, is not always the best and can impact our child in ways we can’t even imagine. Which is a little frightening when you really sit and think about it.

It’s a lot of pressure! We are shaping a life or lives! And one can only hope and pray that the wounds we cause aren’t too severe.

I don’t know what type of scar I am going to leave but I know I will leave one. It may be something I say, something I do, something I choose, something I don’t do…..who knows. But there will be a time, when my child will feel let down by me.

My child is never going to forget it. And neither will yours.

And you may never know what emotional scar you left unless your child has the courage to tell you.

Just about everyone suffers from some type of ‘childhood trauma’. From mild trauma to severe.

You had a parent that always put you down, you had a parent that you felt betrayed you in some way, you had a parent that hit you, you had a parent that suffered from substance abuse, you had a parent that was never honest, you had a parent that was never there, you had a parent that favored your other siblings, you had a parent that didn’t choose you, you had a parent that didn’t believe you, your parent had a temper, your parent embarrassed you, etc……

We all have something that is THERE.

Something that left us confused, upset, concerned, worried, scared, alone, numb…something.

I can tell you, causing you pain was never their intention. Maybe there were other things going on in their life, maybe they were afraid, maybe they thought they were doing a good thing for you…..you know, you just don’t know what was going on in their head at the time. OR…..you don’t really know the results of their ‘childhood trauma’ and how it impacted and shaped their behaviors. Who knows….

(note: If your child is grown, you’re right, you can’t change the past. But you can tell them sorry. That will provide more relief then you know.)

When I look at my daughters I can only pray the scars I leave aren’t too severe. And I hope they will be comfortable enough to tell me when I have hurt their feelings or possibly done something they wish I hadn’t.

I think to myself…..what am I going to do, one day, where I am going to let you down. Even Nemo in the Kids movie ‘Finding Nemo’ said I hate you to his dad, do you remember?

My heart breaks knowing that I won’t be a perfect mom where they will grow up and say their childhood was perfect. It’s unrealistic. That’s not going to happen. I will make mistakes. I know I will, because I already do make mistakes, feel guilt, and have regrets.

It’s something inevitable, it’s going to happen.

Can you think of anything that your parent said to you or did that you have never forgot? Whether it’s big or small you remember exactly how it made you feel. 

I have 3 things I will say to my children often that I hope will always bind us together and strengthen our relationships as years come and go.

I hope by saying these things often my children will have peace of mind and not be severely impacted and haunted for years to come by my actions or words that I have no idea will influence my child in the future.

They are below.

  • I LOVE YOU

I want to make sure I am saying this as much as possible to each child of mine. I hope my child never questions how much love I have for them. It’s not enough to just say it, but telling them why I love them. Expressing to them the joy they bring into my life. Sharing lessons they have taught me. WE know we love our children, but sometimes they don’t hear it enough or feel it enough. They need to hear it and feel it.

  •  I AM PROUD OF YOU

I don’t want to just say those words after they accomplish something like a good grade on a test or a tournament won. I want to say these words just because. I don’t want my children to think they always have to impress me or accomplish something grand to hear these words. I will be proud of them everyday and I want them to know how proud I am to be their Mother.

  • I AM SORRY

This is a huge one. Being a parent, it’s hard to admit our faults. Especially, to our children. We don’t want to admit that we made a mistake or take ownership for something that we have done, because honestly…..sometimes we think we are in the right. WE think we are, but from a child’s perspective it’s completely different.

A child isn’t expecting an apology from their parent, but sometimes they need to hear it to move forward and let that burden go. I plan on saying sorry often. Sorry if I hurt their feelings, sorry if I couldn’t make their soccer game, sorry for saying NO, sorry for not being cool enough, just sorry. I will always be sorry any time I have upset them but I hope one day they will realize why I did the things I did, why I didn’t do the things they wanted and why I am who I am. I know there will be times that they need to hear this from me, and my hope is they can always forgive me

I know I will never be the best, but I will never give up trying to be the best that I can be.

Parenting is hard…..but it’s also the best gift in the world. A true gift from God and a blessing.

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Thank you for reading! 🙂

 

 

When Your Kids Are Distracting You And Your Spouse From Spending Quality Time Together

Remember how much freedom you and your spouse had before you had kids? Sleeping in together, staying out late, going wherever and whenever you wanted, you can recall I’m sure. Now your schedules are almost entirely planned around your kids. And you notice how you’re always busy now? It’s crazy right.

Having kids completely changes your lifestyle and it changes your relationship with your significant other.

You will face many challenges together with raising children. In this post I am only going to discuss one challenge and share with you what has worked for my husband and myself.

The Challenge:

Distracting you and your spouse from spending quality time together.

When you have kids, it can be a little challenging to maintain that one on one time with your spouse. With dates and intimacy.

It’s so important to keep your relationship thriving even when you have children. Let this be an opportunity to get creative and step outside your box.

My husband and I love our daughters so much. They are our world. However we do have moments where we reminisce about how spontaneous we were in the past and how completely oblivious we were to our freedom.

It’s amazing how you don’t really recognize how much freedom you have until a child enters your life.

Something we both have learned with having kids is time together has to be planned and scheduled.

Of course that’s not how it is all the time, but I would say a majority of time if we want to be alone it has to be planned in advance.

Just because you and your spouse have kids now doesn’t mean the love needs to be let go. Your relationship still needs to be a priority. And yes, it will take more work then what it did in the past.

I’m sure some of you are thinking, well I don’t have a baby sitter, or our schedules are so different, or possibly, I try but he isn’t willing, etc,

As I mentioned previously, this is an opportunity to get creative.

If you can’t get a babysitter or don’t feel comfortable leaving your children yet don’t sweat it. That was exactly how my husband and I were. We would have “at home dates” and still do! I would have our girls skip nap time so they would go to sleep early so we could spend time together, just me and him.

(As I said, we still do this. Some of the evenings of just eating ice cream together or watching something on TV take me and him back to the old days.)

When your schedules are different you need to take advantage of every moment together.

For example: You two only have mornings together. Maybe share coffee together and do a question of the day about one another. Remember, step outside the box.

(Note: Stay off your phones when you two are together. How many times have you witnessed a couple out together and they are both on their phones. Talk, listen, hold hands, BE PRESENT.)

Both of you need to be willing to try new things. If one of you is trying and one of you isn’t, there may be a deeper issue that needs to be resolved.

In that case, I might suggest help from a professional.

Discuss Your Relationship.

You two need to be on the same page and open to embracing this new chapter in your relationship. You won’t have to be so creative forever or plan every moment together forever. Your children are going to grow up.

But are you both happy right now? Have you sensed that you two are drifting apart or something just feels different. More then likely both of you aren’t getting enough attention from one another.

If these emotions have occurred this is your relationship craving some immediate attention. If you’re reading this there’s good possibility you’re in this situation.

In a nutshell I am saying, TAKE ACTION. Don’t allow your children to be the excuse anymore. 


Here Are A Few Moments To Always Take Advantage Of:

  • Bed time
  • Nap time
  • When they are on a play date or at a friends or with family
  • When they are glued to a game or YouTube
  • A Family Gathering
  • A birthday party
  • When they fall asleep in the car
  • In the morning before they wake up
  • When they head to school

…you get the idea.

These are all opportunities where you two can discuss something, plan something, do something, etc. Both kids fell asleep in the car? Go get something in the drive-thru, pull over, and enjoy it together. Kids are sleeping? uh, HELLO! Have some private time. At a gathering of some sort? There’s enough adults watching the kids, get playful. You can still be spontaneous, it will just be in a different way.

Also, it’s definitely more then OK to put other things on pause to give your spouse the attention they deserve and need.

Keep the sizzle and have fun. You’ll be laughing about these moments in the future and sharing them with your children.

A book I would highly recommend to strengthen your relationship with your spouse is titled The 5 Languages Of Love by Gary Chapman.

I definitely recommend this book even if your relationship is thriving right now! It’s an amazing eye opener and will bring you two even closer.

What works for you and your spouse, I’d love to hear it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

9 Childlike Qualities You Need To Strengthen- Regain Childlike Characteristics To A Better YOU

 

 

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Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Pexels.com

“It’s The Childlike Mind That Finds The Kingdom”

-Charles Fillmore


The other day my daughters and I left the house to run some errands. I always have to mentally prepare myself when I leave the house with my two toddlers because they are ticking time bombs! They scream and cry really loud when they don’t get what they want or, when they get hurt. It attracts attention that I don’t necessarily want or enjoy. Of course my toddlers don’t care, why would they? I envy how oblivious they are sometimes. Or maybe, I’m just jealous how unconcerned they are with other peoples opinions or reactions.

Referring back, we had some errand running to do. One place we had to stop by was Walmart. We pull up to Walmart, park, and I unload each little one. Holding each one in each hand.

As we are approaching the store one of my daughters looks behind us and shouts really loud, “HI!” and then waves her little hand.

She was waving to a little old man walking by himself into the store.

The little old man catches up to us and he asks, “How old is she?” I reply, “She’s two.”

He then says, “She just looked at me and waved hello, what a difference it would be if more people were like that.” And then he continues to walk ahead of us, and doesn’t say anything else.

In that moment I did imagine if more people were like that. More ‘childlike’. What a different place this would be.

toddler in white hoodie during daytime
Photo by Negative Space on Pexels.com

Children can teach us many things. They are just having fun, and little do they know, they are providing great life lessons and encouraging us to live more freely.

I love children, partly because they are so blunt and honest. They say it like it is and they don’t hold back. They also do what they want, fight for what they want, and are always so determined in whatever they are doing. When you really think about it, it’s admirable.

How many times have you held yourself back, from doing something, that you wanted to do. We always stop, pause, analyze, and over think just about everything. The inner child fades and we become so concerned with irrelevant things.

Here’s a question. How many times have you wanted to act childlike? I can tell you, its definitely been more then once.

I have a small list below of childlike behavior to participate in. Now don’t get confused. Childlike and childish are two different things. I am encouraging childlike characteristics to strengthen and embrace. It may be a little akward and uncomfortable at first. However, most of the qualities below are familiar and not foreign. This is just a different perspective.

carefree child childhood countryside
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9 CHILD LIKE BEHAVIORS TO ENGAGE IN AND STRENGTHEN 

Here are a few ways that you can be childlike and start our own ripple effect in people around you. These behaviors are effortless, effective, and a great way to release your inner child.

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Give Compliments Whole Heartedly

Lets be real, who doesn’t appreciate a geunine compliment. They make you giddy and joyful. It’s nice to hear something positive about ourselves since most of time we are putting ourselves down. Some of the best compliments come from complete strangers! Be one of those strangers that makes someone’s day!

Children give compliments all the time. They like your hair, they say it. They like your shoes, they say it. They like your cooking, they say. If they like something, they let others know.

Too often we will see something or notice something, think a nice thought in our head, and then never express it. We are constantly thinking compliments in our head but never sharing with the person, place, or thing that needs to hear them. Why is that?

Just say it, type it, or give it. Give compliments freely and do it often. Tell people what you like and appreciate about them!

Become Comfortable Sharing Your Stories

If it’s relevant or relatable share it, heck, just share it anyway! We all have stories and plenty of them. Our experiences, our stories, our journey is what shapes us into who we are. By sharing something personal about yourself or something that you have gone through can really help another person. You just never know because most people don’t voice their stories.

Be different. Be childlike. Share all your stories with those that need to hear them.  Believe it or not but people are interested in what you have gone through in your life so far. How many times have you said to someone you knew, “I didn’t know that, how come you never told me that?” Ask! Talk to those around you and learn their stories.

Your story can provide comfort, reassurance, and an overall awareness.

Children are always sharing random stories. You don’t always understand them but you feel appreciated and valued that they are sharing them with you. When someone shares a story with you its because they trust you. Pay attention to who’s sharing their stories, with you.

Stop Being So Concerned With What Others Think

Easy enough, right? WRONG, I know. Many of us struggle with our image and how we appear to others. We want to fit in, be liked, blend. But where has that got anyone. Most of us are fully comfortable around a trusted set of individuals. Typically family or a few close friends. You are your complete self with them and they accept you for who you are. Yet, we care more about the other peoples thoughts and opinions. The people that aren’t close to us or really even know us. It doesn’t make sense.

Children are ALWAYS themselves, no matter who they are around. They want to dance in the middle of the store to no music THEY DO IT. They feel like screaming because they are excited, THEY DO IT. There clothes don’t match and they look like a bum, THEY DON’T CARE! All children has such unique personalities and what they have in common is they don’t care what others think. They are themselves.

Learn to be yourself and love who you are. 

Do It Yourself. If You Don’t Know How, LEARN.

Most of us wait, we wait and wait and wait. We are under the illusion that things will just come to us and we don’t have to work for it. We put ourselves on a pedestal and think the world is the problem, not us.

Stop waiting. Stop waiting around for things to happen, for people to change, for opportunities to come seizing, etc. You will be waiting for a very long time if you think that’s how things should work. There is never going to be a perfect time. There is never going to be a perfect opportunity. And sometimes, sometimes, you just have to be the bigger person. If you want something done right, as you know you gotta do it yourself.

If there is something that you have been eagerly wanting to do but just can’t figure it out. Don’t just give up, learn or find some way to figure it out. Problem solve!

Children are always eager to do things by themselves. They will discover all sorts of new ways to do things that you never even thought of. I previously mentioned, learn to problem solve. Children are amazing problem solvers! Talk about determination. They will figure out how to get what they want, EVEN IF you take away some of their tools. Yes, they do ask for help at times, but once they figure it out, they won’t ask again. They strive and yearn for independence. That’s praiseworthy. 

Express Your Feelings, Don’t Hide From Them

For whatever reason, we typically bottle up our feelings. We don’t want to offend anyone, we don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, we don’t want to be looked at differently….etc, etc.  You get the idea, because you know there’s truth to that.

I’m telling you to stop doing that, and let your feelings free roam. Bottling them up doesn’t do anything good, for you, or the person/persons that take the hit of the bottle of repressed feelings. Acknowledge how you are feeling. Feel, the feels. If you’re happy let the world know! If you are mad, address what made you mad. If you are sad, reach out to a trusted person.

Children express their emotions openly and freely. They don’t even know how they are feeling but they feel it! The young especially don’t even know what happy or mad is but you do and you see them express it without holding anything back.

Let yourself feel and express it. People are not mind readers. You can’t expect anyone to know how you feel if you don’t communicate it. 

Try New Things For Your Benefit And Theirs

We are so comfortable. Most of us are in some type of trance or autopilot where we typically never step outside the box. Why? Because we have a routine. We know the outcome, we settle, we’re lazy, or we’re scared; to put it point blank.

Get out of your comfort zone. As you’ve probably heard before; become comfortable being uncomfortable. Try new things! If an opportunity arises to do something out of your norm, take advantage of it! Why not! Give yourself a challenge and welcome failure.

How many times do we tell a child, “Just try it,” or “it will be fun, you’ll love it.” And many more things we tell our children to try new things. We are always encouraging or pushing them to step outside their limits. Yet, we are so set in our ways and not willing to try anything new.

Children are eager to try new things and get their hands dirty. They are curious and always welcoming new engagements or activities. New things excite them! They dont even know if they will like it or not but they go for it anyway! If they fall they get back up! If they don’t like it, that’s fine. They will always get credit for trying. 

Learn To Forgive Easily And Move on.

Oh man. How many times have we let such minor things get the best of us. We get upset, we overreact, and sometimes we hold a grudge for days, months, even YEARS! When we sit down and actually dissect the issue, we discover the issue is so small and not worth all the negative energy. It’s hard for us to let things go sometimes. However, the bitterness we carry solves nothing. The only person it hurts is us.

Children don’t hold grudges. They may be upset for a little bit but they are very quick to forgive and move forward. I have had times with my own children where I have yelled at them. I feel so awful afterwards. I apologize for yelling and ask for a hug and a kiss. They give me those hugs and kisses and then proceed like nothing happened. Imagine if we were that forgiving.

We all make mistakes. We are not perfect. We are human. Disappointing others is inevitable. People will continue to fail us and we will fail others. It’s going happen, whether it be big or small. Although, we can choose how to behave. Be childlike when it comes to forgiving and forgive willingly.

Be Empathetic With Everyone and Everything

Put yourself in their shoes. Have you heard that before, or maybe something similar. We can never fully understand what someone is going through or feeling unless we are in their shoes or a similar situation. Until then, we can empathize and strengthen our ability to understand.

Children are extremely empathetic. With everything! People, objects, animals, I mean EVERYTHING. They are so in tune with the feelings of others, its truly amazing. They recognize emotions through their favorite movies, books, other children they see out and about, even some of their toys they are empathetic with. Pay attention to them.

While most of us adults over here are quick to judge, shake our heads, question and mostly we ignore. It becomes abnormal if we can’t understand it. We won’t understand everything that people do, say, etc. Put if we place ourselves in theirs shoes, and analyze the situation we may gain a whole new perspective and things become more clear. We began to empathize.

Be childlike and feel for others. It’s as simple as that. Do your best to understand others.

LOVE Boldly

This one doesn’t need much explaining. Just love and be amazed with all things. Love like a child.

Children love with everything that they have. 


In a nutshell here is a recap of 9 childlike qualities to strengthen

  1. Give Compliments Whole Heartedly 
  2. Become Comfortable Sharing Your Stories
  3. Stop Being So Concerned With What Others Think
  4. Do it Yourself. If you don’t know how, Learn
  5. Express Your Feelings, Don’t Hide From Them
  6. Try New Things For Your Benefit and Theirs
  7. Learn To Forgive Easily And Move
  8. Be Empathetic With Everyone
  9. Love Boldly

Thank you so much for reading! I really hope you enjoyed this post and are able to apply these behaviors and traits into your daily life!

Now go do something fun for yourself! You deserve it!

Please share any thoughts, comments, or something a child has taught you! I’d love to hear it!


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Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Pexels.com

“You Can Be Childlike Without Being Childish. A Child Always Wants To Have Fun. Ask Yourself, ‘Am I Having Fun?’ “

-Christopher Meloni