If You Have Been Experiencing Mom Guilt, I Want You To Try This

Being a Mom can be challenging. That’s the truth, and for many different reasons and unique situations.

While Motherhood is absolutely amazing and very humbling, it’s full of struggles, hardship and what many other Mothers would call ‘Mom guilt’.

You really won’t hear too many Mothers going around talking about the struggles they have with parenting, a lot of times we keep our hard times to ourselves.

Why? Because we are ashamed to even have these feelings and emotions. We feel embarrassed and unworthy at times. It’s difficult when these types of moods occur.

I got to a point in this Motherhood journey where I knew I needed to change myself. Some of my actions were definitely uncalled for. How could I expect my little one to control their temper when I could barely control my own.

I found myself constantly complaining and it felt like I was pouring out nothing but negative things. I was loosing my patience on my toddlers. I was crying because of my behavior. I was disappointed in myself. I couldn’t believe some of the things I did and said. I truly felt unrecognizable.

My faith has always been important to me. Even more important and guiding once I became a Mother. I knew at this point where I was that I needed to be put in my place. I needed perspective and I needed an adjustment in my attitude.

When I decided that I needed to do something, a devotional book came to mind. In the past I would watch motivating videos on YouTube in hopes of being inspired or driven in some way. This time, I wanted something tangible and something that I could reference back to when needed.

I also knew a devotional book would strengthen my relationship with God, which is what I really needed. I needed help with Mothering my children because I was tired and burnt out to say the least.

I went onto amazon and I believe I typed in, ‘women’s devotional book’. Trusting God Day By Day: 365 Daily Devotionals by Joyce Meyer was one of the books that showed up in my search.

I choose that specific devotional book because of the numerous great reviews.

Mothers, I want you to try reading a devotional everyday, preferably from a devotional book. I personally suggest a book because more is said then just the devotional itself. Insight is shared, perspective is gained, and the author finds a way to connect you with their words, that you can apply to your every day life.

Try reading a devotional first thing in the morning, if not first thing in the morning then sometime during the day. 

(note: When you are reading your devotional have your bible, a journal, and a pen handy. Write down whatever stands out to you, or write down more specifically, what it means to you.)

I would like to share that reading a devotional everyday has truly helped me with my Mothering. I am more patient then I was, I am more empathetic, and I have gained more self control.

A few slips are going to happen. You’re human. However you will get closer and closer to where you want to be. You got this Mama! I am praying for you!

This is the devotional book I am currently reading daily and I am so grateful!

I’m so incredibly thankful for this journey and my beautiful daughters who have brought new colors into my world. Thank you so much for reading. I hope this will bring more peace to you and your family if you choose to try this.

@coffeewafflesandmotherhood

Simple Ways To Keep Your Toddler/Kids Entertained This Summer

When I originally wrote this blog I focused on toddlers. However this still applies to kids in grad school!

Okay, let’s be real for a second. It really isn’t that hard to entertain a toddler. You give them an empty box and it’s the best thing ever. If you’re really feeling spontaneous give them a role of toilet paper and let them go crazy, they’ll get some giggles from that, seriously lol.

My point is, if you do a search for activities for toddlers you get a list of crazy sensory activities. It honestly overwhelms me. I know without doubt my toddler would absolutely love to do those activities. However, I personally just don’t have the patience to do all of it. I would have to go buy supplies, which means I would have to go to the store, and then come home and….yeah you get my point.

Call me lazy, but I prefer simplicity. With it being so hot this summer I need simple activities.

Look at her! Balloons and water! SIMPLE.

smiling girl sitting on gray stainless steel basin playing with pink balloons

Photo by Georgia Maciel on Pexels.com

Below I have put together a simple list to do this summer with your toddler broken, into 3 categories.

  • Things To Do Outside
  • Things To Do Inside
  • Things To Do When You Have The Time, Money, Or Energy

sidenote: Mama, don’t feel you need to constantly entertain your toddler. Allow them to be bored and learn to entertain themselves. Letting them learn to entertain themselves enhances their imagination and creativity.

And some days, they will just want to watch movies or youtube ALL DAY. Let them. We all like to have lounge days sometimes, even toddlers. 

THINGS TO DO OUTSIDE

  1. SplashpadPool

Do a search in your community. Typically they are free to the public and a great way for your toddler to get wet and wild. Bonus is they will take a long nap afterwards!

2. During The Weekend Find A FREE CONCERT

You’d be surprised how many places have free concerts. Check events on social media and ask around. There’s a lake near where we live and they host summer evening concerts. Families come, bring snacks or pizza, and let their kids observe and dance!

3. “Paint The Garage”

Get a bucket of water, and some paintbrushes. Let your toddler dip the paintbrushes in the water and fling or “paint” your garage. They can see the water strokes and they really think they are painting. Harmless, clean, easy fun! Fun with sponges too!

4. Bubble FUN

I think we forget sometimes how much toddlers love bubbles. Make it a game and encourage them to pop the bubbles as fast as they can. You can find a cheap bubble maker at Walmart for like 9 bucks.

5. Go Fishing

Toddlers love new things and trying new things. We bought our girls fishing poles before a camping trip we went on. Before we actually took them real fishing my husband let them play with their poles. They spent a good hour just casting the string out and reeling it back in, in the front yard. So if there’s not a lake near you, let them pretend!

6. Play With Chalk

You can get so creative with chalk! It’s especially fun with you wet the chalk first and then start chalking the side walk. A fun way to explore tons of colors too!

7. Invest In A Water Activity Table

For my girls 3rd birthday we got them a water activity table from amazon that came with a few water toys. They can splash the water, pour cups, put their toys in, and it’s just a fun activity that doesn’t make a huge mess. The water dries and when you’re done, pour the water out. Perfect for those hot days when you want to get outside.

8. Get a Plastic OR Blow Up Pool

Perfect for those days when you don’t want to leave the house but you want your toddler to burn some energy. Sometimes a kiddy pool is more fun then an actual pool because you’re in the comfort of your own home.

9. Let Them Play With The Water Hose

Because this is just a classic summer activity. My toddlers have an absolute blast with the water hose. My husband gets a little mad because they make a mess getting water over everything lol, but they have so much fun with something so incredibly simple.

THINGS TO DO INSIDE

  1. Build A Fort

Take the cushions of the couch, bring out the blankets and pillows, get the mattress off the bed! You can get extremely creative with this and it’s an easy clean up!

There was a time where I took our mattress and had half of the mattress on the floor and half of it on the actual bed. It became a slide for my girls and they had SO MUCH FUN climbing on the bed and sliding down the mattress. That is pure, cheap, entertainment. This kept them occupied for quite some time let me tell you.

2. Turn Some Music On, AND DANCE

Who cares if you don’t dance well, your toddler isn’t going to judge you. Your toddler will love dancing with you. Bonus- you’re also working out. #momwin

3. Do A CRAFT

Don’t make this too complicated. Let them create art with finger paint or let them make a macaroni necklace. Keep it simple mama.

4. Make Rice Krispy Treats

They will love you forever first of all, and this is something really fun they can help with.

5. GET YOUR TODDLER A WATER DOODLE MAT

Just trust me on this. It’s the best ever. You can buy these mats on amazon. Check out the reviews!

6. READ BOOKS

Need I say more. Buy some puppets and have them read. Become extremely animated as you read them a story. A great way for your toddler to learn and for you to bond together.

THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU HAVE THE TIME, MONEY, OR ENERGY

  1. Go To The Movies
  2. Visit a Museum
  3. Take Them To a Trampoline Park or Some type of Kid Zone
  4. Take Advantage of “toddler time” at specific places
  5. Visit the library Or A Barnes And Noble

Wishing you a cool summer! xoxo

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What will you be doing this summer with your toddler! Drop it in the comments!

I Love Being A GIRL MOM- 5 things to love about having a girl!

When I was pregnant with my first, a little part of me thought our first would be a baby girl. Oh my goodness, a baby girl I would think, how fun that would be!

I didn’t want to get my hopes up or make any assumptions though. I would be happy with whatever our baby was.

Regardless the sex of your baby, it’s a gift! Am I right!?

When they told us at the ultrasound appointment that the baby was a girl I got so excited! And my husband became white in the face! Lol I remember asking if he was okay, it was hilarious. Although, I didn’t want to get too excited. What if they made a mistake. It does happen!

When my little baby was born and they confirmed it was a baby girl my heart just about exploded with joy! Like, I just gave birth to my best friend!

When my first daughter was 10 months, we welcomed another baby girl into our family who would soon enough be ours permanently. It was girl power in our house! I had 2 precious little girls!!!!

And now I’m pregnant again, with you guessed it! A baby girl!

I love it so much and I am so incredibly thankful. I can honestly say too that my husband loves being a girl dad. It’s never a dull moment as you other girl moms know!

 

A daughter is…

a star glimmering in the sky

a wonder, a sweetness

a perception, a delight…

everything beautiful

A daughter is

love

– Susan Polis Schutz

5 things to love about being a Girl Mom!

1. Girl’s Make Everyone Incredibly Soft

Who doesn’t have a soft spot for a baby girl, especially their daddy! A relationship I just absolutely adore. But it’s not just their daddy, little girls have their Grandparents, Uncles and Aunts, cousins, the neighbors, your coworkers, EVERYONE……all wrapped around their finger! It’s incredibly sweet to watch other people swoon over your little girl. Not only is it sweet but it’s humorous to watch a tough man in your life get soft when they see that bright baby girl smile. Little girls hold such a special place in the heart. If you have one, you know!

2. Girl Stuff Is Just ABSOLUTELY Adorable

I love girl stuff! From the clothing, to the accessories, to room decor, to pretty much everything! Girl stuff is just so cute and creative! Being a mom you just want to buy it all! Having a daughter you do have to learn a little self control otherwise you can totally get carried away with all the glitz and glamor. But honestly, does any mom have self control when it comes to their daughter! How many times have you said – she had to have it. No shame here! She did have to have it!

3. The Sassy Attitude – you know you love it

You just can’t help but admire and envy her little full of life spirit. There will be a few times the attitude is a bit much, where you’ll be like uh, excuse me missy! You may even need to turn your cheek to restrain from laughing because you can’t believe the sass of your little girl. But deep down you just love the facial expressions and witty comebacks.

You’ll be thinking where did she learn this and truth be told its probably from you mama lol.

4. Dance Parties Everyday

Girls just wanna have fun! And dance! Every time they hear music they just can’t control themselves! I enjoy dancing too so dancing with my little girls are precious moments I always cherish. I love their dance moves, their songs of choice, and of course watching their daddy get involved with the dance party! A huge plus is they don’t judge your dancing, they want to dance just like you! You see them focusing and copying what you’re doing and it just makes you want to squeeze them, they are so cute! OR, she might be saying “No mama, no, like this.” Either way…

She got it from her mama. 

5. The Gift Of Raising Your Best Friend

There is just something extremely special about a mother daughter relationship. If you are close with your mom I’m sure you two are even closer now that you have a daughter. Your daughter is going to teach you so many lessons and she is almost always going to come to you for advice, when her heart breaks, when she’s in trouble, etc. You are her rock and she is definitely yours. How special that you get to be apart of her life.

And can imagine all the mani/pedi dates, weekend getaways, shopping ventures, brunches you two will have together! Oh to have a daughter! The joy!

 

What’s something you enjoy about having a daughter! Leave a comment below.

@coffeewafflesandmotherhood

 

 

It’s Been Confirmed! You’re PREGNANT! What to do first!? I have 10 simple things to share!

However it’s been confirmed, you’re pregnant! Hopefully this is very exciting news for you! May be a bit scary, but you are about to embrace an incredible, emotional, exciting journey.

This might be your first or maybe it’s your second, third, fourth, or fifth! Whatever the situation, it’s still a rush finding out you’re pregnant.

Now, there are a ton of other blogs out there that will provide a list of ‘TO DO’s’ once you find out you are growing a little miracle, I’ve actually read a few.

I am a fan of simplicity so I am going to keep this as simple as possible and my hope is you don’t feel overwhelmed after reading my ‘what to do first’.

Let’s get started!

1. FIND A TRUSTED DOCTOR

You really need a doctor that you can trust, are comfortable with, and can confide in. Ask your friends or family for references or do a search on google. Personally, I love google because of reviews. People do not hold back on reviews, which I love and can appreciate. If you find a doctor and don’t have an immediate connection right away it’s ok, don’t stress. You can always switch doctors. I would advise not switching in your third trimester but if you need to switch in the beginning for whatever reason it’s ok. This doctor will be with you for 9 months and will most likely deliver your baby, so make sure you like him or her!

2. START TAKING THOSE PRENATAL VITAMINS

Whether you choose to take store bought prenatal vitamins or whether you have your doctor write you a prescription, start taking them right away. You’re especially going to want to look for prenatal vitamins with folic acid. Your baby grows at a rapid pace and it’s important to make sure you and your baby are getting all the vitamins and minerals to keep him or her growing healthy.

3. DOWNLOAD A PREGNANCY APP OR GET A PREGNANCY BOOK

I am personally a fan of the ‘What To Expect’ App and the ‘What To Expect When You’re Expecting’ books! They both stand as a great guide, to well, what to expect when being pregnant! You’re informed with what’s going on with your baby at the moment and the constant body changes you’re going through. As well as a few things you may have been wondering about. Both of these will walk you week by week, month by month, and trimester to trimester. Definitely take advantage to be more informed with what’s going on with you and your baby.

4. GET EXCITED

Being pregnant is a journey on it’s own! Even if this is your second or third child, every pregnancy is different. A lot of pregnant women don’t like to get too excited until after the first trimester because the first trimester is the most fragile time. However I’m telling you to get excited! I know you have fears and worries but do your best to always anticipate the best! Buy some pregnancy magazines, start your secret Pinterest boards, look at maternity clothing, look at baby stuff, etc. You have been given a gift, embrace it!

5. TELL A FEW TRUSTED PEOPLE

I say this because during the first trimester you may not be showing but you will be feeling your body adjusting to change. You may experience morning sickness, you will more then likely be very tired, and you may become sensitive to smells. That was totally me in my case. You just never know, but it’s comforting to have someone to talk about it with vs. dealing with these changes by yourself. After the first trimester is typically when the official pregnancy announcement is made, however don’t feel obligated to share the news once the first trimester is over. Share the news when you are ready. Have fun with it though, there are some super creative baby announcements out there.

6. BE MINDFUL OF YOUR DIET

Now that you are pregnant you really need to be mindful and cautious on what you are putting into your body. Alcohol and any other substances are a big no go. Do your best to stay away from junk food and incorporate more fruits and veggies in your every day meals. Smoothies are a great way to go. It’s also OK to indulge on some things! If you get a craving for donuts or chili cheese fries go for it! Just be moderate with those cravings. If you are unsure about something you want to eat always ask your doctor. They will let you know!

7. START A SAVINGS PLAN

Things add up, I’ll say that much. The sooner you start to save, the better. Not only will you be more prepared but starting a savings plan will provide peace of mind. Money is not something you want to stress about when the baby arrives. You will already be dealing with changes and adjusting. Money doesn’t need to be an added stress factor. Start saving now for this little bundle of joy!

8. WRITE DOWN ALL OF YOUR QUESTIONS AND CONCERNS

Questions and concerns will arise at the most random moments. Although google, family, and friends are convenient, it’s best to talk to your doctor with anything on your mind concerning your pregnancy. Don’t assume you will remember what you want to discuss with your doctor at your next appointment. More then likely you will forget! It’s important to write them all down so your doctor is informed with what is going on with you. Your doctor can help ease your mind, provide resources, and offer assurance. Whatever it may be, bring it up to your doctor. I can almost guarantee your question or concern isn’t the first time they’ve heard it.

9. INCREASE YOUR WATER INTAKE

You know water in general is good for you right!? So many benefits! Now that you’re pregnant it’s even more important that you stay hydrated! Stay on that girl, it’s good for you and baby.

10. ENJOY EVERY MOMENT

Take pictures of your growing belly, start a journal, indulge in all things for pregnant women! Take advantage! There will be difficult times where you will be anxious for your pregnancy to be over. I am telling you, it goes by so fast. Before you know your baby will be here. Then they turn 1, 2, 3, 13, 18!! You will just be thinking where the heck did time go and you’ll miss those sweet baby kicks inside of you. Then you’ll start crying……. lol jk. But I’m not! Wahhh!

Just enjoy these moments where he or she is growing. This is such a precious time, and soon your life will never be the same.

 

Wishing you a happy, healthy pregnancy!

@coffeewafflesandmotherhood

Summer Sun Tea

When I think of summer time, I think of long sunny days. Living in Arizona, I think of long sunny REALLY HOT days lol.

But what’s great about these summer days is they are perfect for making sun tea. One of my favorite drinks to sip during these blazing hot days. I remember my mom making sun tea when I was a kid, and now I have a husband who requests this sun tea constantly.

My daughters enjoy this tea too. So you could say it’s husband and kid approved. However I don’t let my kids drink too much of it because of the caffeine. They have enough energy!

Now let’s make some of Mama’s Summer Sun Tea!

WHAT YOU NEED:

A large glass jar or pitcher that can hold 14 1/2 cups of water

4 teabags of Lipton- iced tea 100% natural specially blended for ice tea (24 family size tea bags)

1 cup of sugar

Fill up a large GLASS jar with lid of 14 1/2 cups of water. Then place outside all day in direct sunlight. I typically leave my jar out from 10am to 7pm. Remove tea bags, and add 1 cup of sugar into tea and mix. Let chill overnight, THEN ENJOY!

You can even get more creative and add sliced lemons, fresh raspberries, or peaches to the tea. You can leave it unsweetened too if you prefer. This is the way we enjoy it and it’s always a treat!

Hope you enjoy! Let me know how you like it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Learning To Control Your Anger With Your Toddler – 5 Ways To Gain More Control

 

There are a couple of things that trigger us as parents.

(some may agree, some may disagree)

Here are a few.

  • The tantrum that just WILL NOT stop
  • The constant nagging for something
  • Your child not listening
  • The picking on/fighting with another child or sibling
  • Almost everything they do or don’t do when you’re already in a bad mood
  • When your child does something they already KNOW they shouldn’t have done
  • [insert your trigger here]

I have two 3 year old’s. While I absolutely love that they can entertain each other, I also feel like I am constantly tested by their behaviors.

They feed off one another in the good and the bad ways.

If you have a toddler you know how much fun and entertaining they are, but, you also know how demanding and aggravating they can be. Am I right?

I had no idea that having toddlers would show me how little in control I was of my emotions, especially my anger.

I had moments where I would be screaming at them, crying, and honestly, I was throwing my own tantrums looking back now. I feel completely embarrassed.

I hated the feelings that took over after though, after anger set in. The guilt especially haunted me. I felt like a monster. I would lay in bed hating myself. I couldn’t even believe I let myself behave like that. I would think to myself…

What was wrong with me? Do other mothers lose their temper? What kind of impact would this leave on my children if I let this behavior continue?

Again, I would ask myself was what wrong with me. My lack of control really confused and startled me.

What I knew was, I needed to change. I needed to figure out the root cause of my anger episodes at my children. They did not deserve this. They are toddlers, they don’t know any better, they are currently in the stage of learning how to handle their own emotions and place in this world.

I read two statements that came from articles or blogs that really helped me to gain perspective. I really wish I could provide the sources but it was so long ago I have no idea the titles of blogs or articles I stumbled across. I found the reads through googling, and these particular words resonated with me. These aren’t the exact words below, but it is what I can recall.

1. Imagine your spouse talking to you the way you talk to your children.

2. Often times, we lose our temper with our children because they release unresolved childhood trauma. 

Whoa, I thought when I read these statements. I would be absolutely crushed if my husband talked to me the way I was talking to my toddlers. That was a very, very, eye widening statement. Especially because I am super sensitive.

As for the second statement, I really had to search into my own childhood and figure out what was it that was holding me back. What was I subconsciously holding against them.

Getting angry and yelling at your toddlers is more common then you think.

You are not alone Mama.

Other moms face this same issue daily. I know this because I see it often in mommy groups on social media. They share the battles or demons that have taken over them. It’s a true struggle that is very powerful.

However, the good news is when you take the time to address your actions, figure out ways to progress, I can almost promise that you will feel so much better about your parenting. You will feel it and so will your children.

Remember progress is progress.

Looking at my behavior before to what it is now………I have definitely gained more self control and I am more aware of the effects of my behavior.

I am also more cautious and aware that my toddlers are learning how to react through situations by watching me. Especially me because I am around them the most. If I am going to continue to yell and lose myself in front of my children, then they will react the same way. This is my opportunity to grow into a better Mother and help them to handle their own stressful situations.

(Note: The only person you can control is you. You can’t control the others that spend time around your child or children. However you are their Mother. They look up to YOU and trust YOU the most.)

Below I would like to share with you 5 ways I have gained more control over my anger with my toddlers.

Anger moments will still happen. You’re human, you may slip once in a while. But be proud of every baby step that moves you forward toward being the Mother you wish to be

Learning To Control Your Anger With Your Toddler – 5 Ways To Gain More Control

  1. Read. Read. Read.

There are so many great articles, books, other blogs out there that discuss the impacts our behaviors have on our children. When you become more aware of what you are doing, you become determined to find some type of solution to an issue you may be facing. It creates a type of awareness to help you understand and hopefully be more empathetic with your child.

Reading these types of things are great because they provide a completely different type of view that you can learn and grow from. Whether you chose to apply what you read to your parenting is entirely up to you.

2. Breathe. Take 3 Long Breaths.

Before you react, take a quick moment to breathe and maybe even count to ten. During that time of breathe in breathe out you will find the appropriate way to react. A quick reaction to something that your toddler is doing or does can scare them and then it makes the situation worse then what it even needed to be.

I was seriously a yeller. I absolutely hated that I yelled so much. So now when I want to yell I just breathe first and talk to them in a calm manner. I may blankly stare at them for a bit but it’s way better then me yelling at them.

Instead of yelling try developing a different tone of voice when upset. Where when they hear that tone, they know Mama means business.

3. Remain Mindful.

Remain mindful when you’re children are near you. They are watching you, they are learning from you, they will mimic you. Children are like little sponges. It’s hard to get upset at them when they are just acting, like YOU.

If you train your mind to always be mindful when you feel the anger coming you will gain more control of how you react to certain incidents and situations. Think about their future, how do you want them to behave and act as they grow and mature. Be the person you want them to be.

4. Walk Away Or Ignore

There are going to be times where you are really tested and you’re going to have to walk away. Sometimes that really is best. For you, and for them.

Eventually, maybe, you won’t have to walk away.

Let this be a bridge to getting exactly where you want to be. But in the meantime it is OK to put them in their room and walk away. This will allow you to calm down, and them if they are behaving in a bad manner.

After everyone has calmed down go talk to your child. Explain why you had to walk away and why it’s difficult for you to be around your child when they act like that. Baby steps.

5. A Daily Devotional

A devotional book has helped me tremendously on controlling my anger. It allows me to appreciate all situations and to be grateful.

When I can appreciate what I am struggling with or going through my attitude and mindset is different. A daily devotional explores a different perspective and gets you thinking in a way that you don’t normally think. And with God’s help you are sure to conquer this obstacle you are currently facing and other obstacles that will appear later in this Motherly journey.

I think we can agree that despite the hard moments, there is nothing more joyful then being a Mother. What an amazing privilege. 

mother and daughter on grass

Photo by Daria Obymaha on Pexels.com

 

Have you lost your temper with your toddler? You are not alone. Please comment any questions or concerns. Or please share what has helped you gained more control with your anger.

 As always, thank you for reading.

 

Sometimes Your Child Just Needs To Hear You Say, “I’m Sorry.”

Parenting is hard. 

As you have probably heard before parenting does not come with a manual guide, nor will it ever come with a guide because every single parent does parenting differently. There would be no way to accommodate to the variety of parenting styles if a guide even did exist.

I have 2 almost three year old’s and expecting another baby in a few months and I still do not have it figured out. Truth be told, I don’t believe I ever will. However, that does not bother me because I can appreciate that parenting is a journey full of never ending lessons. Some harder then others. I hear teenage years are the hardest. 

Before I became a parent I will admit I imagined it being nothing but easy and well, fun. Full of cute and happy moments. I never once thought about the struggles that come along with welcoming a child into your life.

I just thought about how I would be the ‘best mommy ever’. I am definitely not the best mommy ever FYI

I could not wait to be a mother. It was definitely a dream of mine and a calling I felt an eagerness to fulfill at a very young age. I had my first baby at 26, and I finally felt like this prayer of mine was answered.

When I became a parent, it was better then I ever imagined it to be. It was also way harder then I ever thought. I’m talking way harder. I think the way harder really set in when my husband and I received a second baby by surprise. We were completely caught off guard.

(we received our second baby when our first was 10 months old, to read about that story you can search ‘A Blessing In Disguise’)

Noticing A Blessing In Disguise

When you become a parent, you see things differently. You don’t just see things differently but you have a completely different awareness and understanding.

You look at your parents differently…….in good and bad lighting. Your friends who have had kids for a couple of years now? You feel sorry, because you just didn’t know what they were going through. You can even connect now with strangers almost everywhere you go that are holding a little hand.

You empathize with parents because you know it’s the most amazing and yet hardest privilege.

As a parent you want to do your best for your child. But it’s hard. There are many days where you feel like a complete failure. You also blame yourself for a lot of things that are really out of your control.

We never want to hurt them.

But truth be told, we are going to leave emotional scars on our children.

Now, that’s a real tough pill to swallow especially because we are continuously trying to be the best that we can be.

We do our best to give what we didn’t receive. To be, what are parents were not. To do, what are parent’s didn’t do. As well as, try not to do, what are parents did.

We do our best. But what we think is best, is not always the best and can impact our child in ways we can’t even imagine. Which is a little frightening when you really sit and think about it.

It’s a lot of pressure! We are shaping a life or lives! And one can only hope and pray that the wounds we cause aren’t too severe.

I don’t know what type of scar I am going to leave but I know I will leave one. It may be something I say, something I do, something I choose, something I don’t do…..who knows. But there will be a time, when my child will feel let down by me.

My child is never going to forget it. And neither will yours.

And you may never know what emotional scar you left unless your child has the courage to tell you.

Just about everyone suffers from some type of ‘childhood trauma’. From mild trauma to severe.

You had a parent that always put you down, you had a parent that you felt betrayed you in some way, you had a parent that hit you, you had a parent that suffered from substance abuse, you had a parent that was never honest, you had a parent that was never there, you had a parent that favored your other siblings, you had a parent that didn’t choose you, you had a parent that didn’t believe you, your parent had a temper, your parent embarrassed you, etc……

We all have something that is THERE.

Something that left us confused, upset, concerned, worried, scared, alone, numb…something.

I can tell you, causing you pain was never their intention. Maybe there were other things going on in their life, maybe they were afraid, maybe they thought they were doing a good thing for you…..you know, you just don’t know what was going on in their head at the time. OR…..you don’t really know the results of their ‘childhood trauma’ and how it impacted and shaped their behaviors. Who knows….

(note: If your child is grown, you’re right, you can’t change the past. But you can tell them sorry. That will provide more relief then you know.)

When I look at my daughters I can only pray the scars I leave aren’t too severe. And I hope they will be comfortable enough to tell me when I have hurt their feelings or possibly done something they wish I hadn’t.

I think to myself…..what am I going to do, one day, where I am going to let you down. Even Nemo in the Kids movie ‘Finding Nemo’ said I hate you to his dad, do you remember?

My heart breaks knowing that I won’t be a perfect mom where they will grow up and say their childhood was perfect. It’s unrealistic. That’s not going to happen. I will make mistakes. I know I will, because I already do make mistakes, feel guilt, and have regrets.

It’s something inevitable, it’s going to happen.

Can you think of anything that your parent said to you or did that you have never forgot? Whether it’s big or small you remember exactly how it made you feel. 

I have 3 things I will say to my children often that I hope will always bind us together and strengthen our relationships as years come and go.

I hope by saying these things often my children will have peace of mind and not be severely impacted and haunted for years to come by my actions or words that I have no idea will influence my child in the future.

They are below.

  • I LOVE YOU

I want to make sure I am saying this as much as possible to each child of mine. I hope my child never questions how much love I have for them. It’s not enough to just say it, but telling them why I love them. Expressing to them the joy they bring into my life. Sharing lessons they have taught me. WE know we love our children, but sometimes they don’t hear it enough or feel it enough. They need to hear it and feel it.

  •  I AM PROUD OF YOU

I don’t want to just say those words after they accomplish something like a good grade on a test or a tournament won. I want to say these words just because. I don’t want my children to think they always have to impress me or accomplish something grand to hear these words. I will be proud of them everyday and I want them to know how proud I am to be their Mother.

  • I AM SORRY

This is a huge one. Being a parent, it’s hard to admit our faults. Especially, to our children. We don’t want to admit that we made a mistake or take ownership for something that we have done, because honestly…..sometimes we think we are in the right. WE think we are, but from a child’s perspective it’s completely different.

A child isn’t expecting an apology from their parent, but sometimes they need to hear it to move forward and let that burden go. I plan on saying sorry often. Sorry if I hurt their feelings, sorry if I couldn’t make their soccer game, sorry for saying NO, sorry for not being cool enough, just sorry. I will always be sorry any time I have upset them but I hope one day they will realize why I did the things I did, why I didn’t do the things they wanted and why I am who I am. I know there will be times that they need to hear this from me, and my hope is they can always forgive me

I know I will never be the best, but I will never give up trying to be the best that I can be.

Parenting is hard…..but it’s also the best gift in the world. A true gift from God and a blessing.

mother and daughter on grass
Photo by Daria Obymaha on Pexels.com

 

Thank you for reading! 🙂

 

 

Be Enlightened-Share Your Growth

“Strength and growth come only through continuous effort and struggle.”

-Napoleon Hill


I have always enjoyed writing. Not always anything specific, but just simply writing. It’s very therapeutic and relieving for me. I have tons of notebooks laying around with the most random things written in them as we speak. I get a good chuckle here and there when I rummage through and read them, and other times, lets just say I find myself blushing from embarrassment. What would my husband or kids think if they read this right now….lol oh gosh.

Something I really, really, REALLY, regret doing is throwing away my teen journals. I was so taken back, a lot of the things I wrote were very personal and not the fondest memories when I would re-read my entries. They brought back pain or humiliation that I didn’t want to re-experience every time I re-read them. So like a dummy, I threw them away.

However, now that I am older and more “mature” I would really love to go back and re read what I was feeling in those days and compare to where I am now in my life.

But unfortunately those journals are long gone. It truly breaks my heart, but the lesson I learned in that is don’t throw away your writings. No matter what pain or grief some of your writings may bring, don’t toss them.

Your writings are your own little time capsule and it’s a great way to reflect on how far you’ve come. You may even learn a thing or two from well, YOURSELF.

With all that being said, a couple of days ago I was exploring all the notes I had stored in my phone. When something comes to mind I like to write it down so I don’t forget. 

I stumbled across a list of  my own lines that are ‘life advice’ related that I feel like sharing. After reading my ‘life advice’ I was wondering what the hell I was reading at that moment of writing these lol. They surprised me a little.

I consider myself pretty silly, but sometimes I can get pretty deep.

These are a few of my own little life lessons that I have learned through my own experiences. Maybe you can relate or you can apply my words into your life somehow.

Wishing you happiness and many blessings

Some life advice by yours truly


You can’t unscramble an egg once it’s been scrambled. But you know what you can do…..throw it into a burrito with some potatoes and cheese. 

You are going to make mistakes in your life. Mistakes and failures are inevitable. But that’s part of living. I’m sure you can think of a thing or two you wish you could take back but you can’t go back and hit any type of rewind button. However, you can control your reaction to the matter and how you plan on handling it. Think before you act, and hear the words in your head before you speak are to name a few. Remember, you can’t unscramble an egg once it’s been scrambled. But again, just because it’s scrambled now doesn’t mean you cant make a bad situation a good situation.

Don’t let every decision be like picking a paint color.

First of all, have you ever picked paint colors? It’s a little bit of nightmare, especially when trying to agree on colors with your significant other.

Don’t allow little simple decisions in your life to cause you any type of stress or anxiety. Whatever you pick may not be what you wanted, but be open to surprises and open to embracing something new. And always be confident in whatever you choose. It may not be what you thought…it may be better.

If you were granted a new life you would soon realize it’s not at all what you really wanted.

You are exactly where you need to be. Everything that has happened in your life thus far has been apart of the shaping of where you are now and will continue to shape you through the rest of your life. You would be surprised how much would be taken away in your life right now if you were to have a different life. A different path taken in the past wouldn’t lead you to where you are now. Look for the things in your life right now to be grateful for. And if you’re wishing for a new life, you’re spending too much time comparing your life to someone else’s. Especially…..ESPECIALLY someone on social media. 

Plan on things not going according to plan.

Isn’t this how the cookie always crumbles? It’s usually in your favor or against your favor. It ends up going better then planned or maybe worse. Accept that that is just how it is and laugh at it. Continue to make plans in life and don’t ever stop but if something changes along the way welcome the surprise whether it be good or bad. Whatever happened or happens, has a reason…..whether you know the result of it or not.

Your heart will always lead you in the right direction. It’s up to you to listen to it. 

Our hearts are often ignored. We humans are very fragile, easily manipulated, and very persuasive. Whatever is going on in your life should always be reevaluated from time to time. Our lives get so busy it’s important to pause, take a step back, and recognize where you are. Are you where you want to be…what is it that you truly want in this life.

Allow yourself some alone time with no distractions and listen to what your heart is telling you. You may not be happy with what is saying. No one else knows what your heart is saying but YOU. You are also the only one that can obey it. Whether you listen or not, it has a voice for a reason.

But how does it make you feel?

This is a question to ask yourself often. This question can be asked with almost every little thing that you do. If whatever it is, is making you angry, sad, hurt, bored, frustrated, etc. anything negative basically…it’s time to figure it out. Those types of things in life that aren’t providing happiness and joy are only going to hold you back from reaching even more happiness and joy in your life. Doesn’t necessarily mean you need to “let it all go” but it’s time to look for a solution to change that feeling. It is possible to turn the most dull tasks into pleasant ones. Get creative and open your heart and mind to inspiration.

Scars are medals of obstacles conquered. 

We are often ashamed of our scars. Doing our best to hide them so no one knows the truth. For some, the cut has been so deep they have a difficult time even acknowledging it’s existence.

Be proud of your scars. Your scars tell a story that no one else can. A scar is also something no one else can take away from you. It is yours and you should be owning it. Don’t be afraid or feel a need to hide your scars. Inspire others with your story. You are strong and courageous. You are still here.

Cry with your wounds, for one day the sun shall shine bright again.

Hard things are going to happen in your life. Really hard things. Hard things that leave you gasping for air and leave you feeling alone and confused. When those things happen, cry with your wounds and broken heart. Let your tears fall and feel all those emotions that are ripping through your soul.

Through this horrific rainstorm remember the promise of the rainbow. The sun will shine bright again, it will. Even when it feels like it never ever will. The sun will shine bright again.

Always say thank you, ALWAYS.

First of all, it’s just good manners to say thank you. Second, nobody owes you anything. I know that sounds a little harsh, but no one owes you anything in this life. Everything is earned and worked for.

People do nice things because they want to, not because they have to. Saying thank you often will take you farther then someone who does not appreciate nice gestures.

You always have enough to give.

Whether it be your time, your energy, or even your last dollar…..you will always have enough to serve another person. You get what you give. Plus, it’s proven that giving to others provides more happiness in your life.

There is more then one right way to do something. Be confident in YOUR WAY.

We don’t live in a black and white world. We live in a world that is full and colorful. No one in the world is you, and no one can do things like YOU do. Rather then trying to follow the crowd, discover your own way and be confident in your own direction or method. Be willing to share that way with others. But encourage others your way isn’t the only way. Help others find THEIR way. The destination may be the same, but the path doesn’t have to be. Find the path that matches YOUR needs.

You don’t always get what you want, but you get what you need.

Things happen in life that are unpredictable.

These types of incidents are a blessing in disguise. You may realize it sooner or you may realize it ten years later. Maybe even later. Be grateful when you can recognize it.

We are always provided the tools we need to help us and guide us in this life. May not come in the prettiest wrapping but all things are gifts. Some things have to happen in order for other things to happen. Please remember, that God loves you. He can see the whole picture, we can’t. Trust him.


I would love to hear from! Share your growth!

Do you have any life advice to share or maybe something someone told you that you never forgot!

Please comment with any thoughts or concerns! Have a great day! Thank you for stopping by!

-Marie Elizabeth

 

 

 

 

Make The Time To Celebrate YOU More – YOU Deserve It

When your child is doing exceptional in school or decides to do their chores without being told you reward them and you rave about it.

When your stubborn, little toddler finally goes potty all by themselves, you praise them, sing hallelujah, and you have a happy dance party, right?

When your husband actually listens and does what you ask him to do for once he gets lucky (wink, wink) and, you REMEMBER this moment. #isthisreallife

When your best friend surprises you and pays the tab for the drinks you acknowledge them, and you pay the tab on the next go around.

When your coworker covers your shift so you can attend a family event, you recognize them with their favorite coffee or a thank you card. At least I hope you do.

Are we sensing a pattern here yet?

Whenever someone does good, we remember, acknowledge, and we give love. We celebrate!

However……..

There is someone in your life that has been neglected for quite some time. This person definitely deserves some praise and acknowledgement.

WITHOUT DOUBT, this person has earned their right to treat and celebrate themselves, damn it!

This person is hardworking, dedicated, and constantly putting others needs, happiness, and demands above their own.

If you haven’t figured it out, that person is you! YES, YOU! I am talking to you!

It’s time to celebrate YOU! It’s time to give a little back to yourself! It’s time to enjoy oneself as they say!

You put up with, and have put up with, a lot of shit. You know it, and I know it. Even your pets probably know it. They do don’t they…..

Your needs are just as important, your hard work needs to be acknowledged, and you need to be doing good for yourself because like I mentioned previously, you’ve earned it! And I’m reminding you!


TIME TO PAINT THE TOWN RED FRIEND!

Before we do so, let’s do a toast:

To celebrating the miracle that you are.

To giving thanks to all the things and people that have served you.

To recognizing that everything about you is precious and unique.

To acknowledging and accepting that there is no one else like you, and that this is a beautiful thing.

And to always enjoy all of life’s offerings.

Babe, it’s time to Celebrate You. CHEERS.


It’s time to stop putting your needs and wants to the side, and it’s time to stop acting like what you do everyday is not extraordinary.

Every day, is a miraculous day if you are still breathing.

Reward yourself, treat yourself, take care of yourself, love yourself.

Celebrating you from time to time is only going to benefit you and those around you. The better mood you’re in, the better you will be to everyone else. That’s kind of common sense, right? Yet, here most of us are, putting ourselves last and not acknowledging all the amazing things we have done so far in our lives!

You’re not being selish. Don’t think that. You are taking care of you, and you are realizing that you are important too.

HOW DO I START CELEBRATING MYSELF? (It’s been that long or I’ve never really done that)

  • First, stop being so hard on yourself and thinking you’re undeserving of a few favors now and then. You are here and living, that alone deserves some recognition and appreciation.
  • Second, don’t always expect others or wait for others to treat you or celebrate your accomplishments (big or small). It is not up to other people to make you happy. Recognize the hard work that YOU have done and reward and celebrate yourself.
  • Third, think back to your childhood and write down what you really enjoyed doing when you were young. Begin to incorporate those things back into your life. Guard your time to do what you enjoy. That is treating yourself.

THE OUTCOME?

You will be happier. And aren’t we all striving for this?

It will open new doors for you, a happier you will benefit all the relationships in your life, you will become more productive, and you’ll want to help others see the value in themselves.

You will be able to help others recognize that they are important and worthy of celebrating themselves.

You will reap the benefits of guarding your time to celebrate, you. In taking the time to celebrate you and recognizing your blessings, you will be blessing others.

Maybe you celebrate yourself all the time. If you do, that is fantastic! Continue doing it and don’t ever stop! If you are not in this position, you may know someone who needs to hear this. Let them know they are deserving and encourage them to do great things for themselves.

Some people just need a little word of encouragement to get them doing what they enjoy doing again. In some way, you should be celebrating YOU everyday.

Treat yourself, take care of yourself, celebrate yourself, love yourself. 

AND If you needed a sign to do something nice for yourself, let this be your sign!!

With all this being said, don’t be so hard on yourself. Have an amazing day and go give YOU some lovin’.

-xoxo

m.g. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Your Kids Are Distracting You And Your Spouse From Spending Quality Time Together

Remember how much freedom you and your spouse had before you had kids? Sleeping in together, staying out late, going wherever and whenever you wanted, you can recall I’m sure. Now your schedules are almost entirely planned around your kids. And you notice how you’re always busy now? It’s crazy right.

Having kids completely changes your lifestyle and it changes your relationship with your significant other.

You will face many challenges together with raising children. In this post I am only going to discuss one challenge and share with you what has worked for my husband and myself.

The Challenge:

Distracting you and your spouse from spending quality time together.

When you have kids, it can be a little challenging to maintain that one on one time with your spouse. With dates and intimacy.

It’s so important to keep your relationship thriving even when you have children. Let this be an opportunity to get creative and step outside your box.

My husband and I love our daughters so much. They are our world. However we do have moments where we reminisce about how spontaneous we were in the past and how completely oblivious we were to our freedom.

It’s amazing how you don’t really recognize how much freedom you have until a child enters your life.

Something we both have learned with having kids is time together has to be planned and scheduled.

Of course that’s not how it is all the time, but I would say a majority of time if we want to be alone it has to be planned in advance.

Just because you and your spouse have kids now doesn’t mean the love needs to be let go. Your relationship still needs to be a priority. And yes, it will take more work then what it did in the past.

I’m sure some of you are thinking, well I don’t have a baby sitter, or our schedules are so different, or possibly, I try but he isn’t willing, etc,

As I mentioned previously, this is an opportunity to get creative.

If you can’t get a babysitter or don’t feel comfortable leaving your children yet don’t sweat it. That was exactly how my husband and I were. We would have “at home dates” and still do! I would have our girls skip nap time so they would go to sleep early so we could spend time together, just me and him.

(As I said, we still do this. Some of the evenings of just eating ice cream together or watching something on TV take me and him back to the old days.)

When your schedules are different you need to take advantage of every moment together.

For example: You two only have mornings together. Maybe share coffee together and do a question of the day about one another. Remember, step outside the box.

(Note: Stay off your phones when you two are together. How many times have you witnessed a couple out together and they are both on their phones. Talk, listen, hold hands, BE PRESENT.)

Both of you need to be willing to try new things. If one of you is trying and one of you isn’t, there may be a deeper issue that needs to be resolved.

In that case, I might suggest help from a professional.

Discuss Your Relationship.

You two need to be on the same page and open to embracing this new chapter in your relationship. You won’t have to be so creative forever or plan every moment together forever. Your children are going to grow up.

But are you both happy right now? Have you sensed that you two are drifting apart or something just feels different. More then likely both of you aren’t getting enough attention from one another.

If these emotions have occurred this is your relationship craving some immediate attention. If you’re reading this there’s good possibility you’re in this situation.

In a nutshell I am saying, TAKE ACTION. Don’t allow your children to be the excuse anymore. 


Here Are A Few Moments To Always Take Advantage Of:

  • Bed time
  • Nap time
  • When they are on a play date or at a friends or with family
  • When they are glued to a game or YouTube
  • A Family Gathering
  • A birthday party
  • When they fall asleep in the car
  • In the morning before they wake up
  • When they head to school

…you get the idea.

These are all opportunities where you two can discuss something, plan something, do something, etc. Both kids fell asleep in the car? Go get something in the drive-thru, pull over, and enjoy it together. Kids are sleeping? uh, HELLO! Have some private time. At a gathering of some sort? There’s enough adults watching the kids, get playful. You can still be spontaneous, it will just be in a different way.

Also, it’s definitely more then OK to put other things on pause to give your spouse the attention they deserve and need.

Keep the sizzle and have fun. You’ll be laughing about these moments in the future and sharing them with your children.

A book I would highly recommend to strengthen your relationship with your spouse is titled The 5 Languages Of Love by Gary Chapman.

I definitely recommend this book even if your relationship is thriving right now! It’s an amazing eye opener and will bring you two even closer.

What works for you and your spouse, I’d love to hear it!