Soften The Heart: Devotional #23

Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court.

Psalm 127:4-5

In this scripture we understand the significance of children. It is made clear how much of a gift that they are. Children are the arrows, they are the direction, they are the way. If we pay attention to the children they will lead us to the answers that we seek.

You’ve heard before that, “Children are the future.” Thats because they are THE FUTURE.

To have any children in your life is a blessing. Whether you have children of your own, nieces or nephews, maybe you’re a teacher, counselor, you’ve adopted, etc. “Bless is he whose quiver is full of them.”

(A quiver is a case that holds the arrows of the warrior.)

God has placed the children in your life as a blessing. See them as such.

With this awareness you can become more mindful of your influence around children. With this awareness, you understand that you are the one shaping them. Whether you have given birth to them or not, you are apart of their “maintenance and care”. So that they, like arrows, may be strong and sturdy. That they may hit their intended target.

Born doesn’t just mean to to give birth, it mean’s “to bring forth”. Any children brought to you in your life are a blessing. The scripture tells us this.

This scripture also tells us that we need children as much as they need us. How does a warrior fight without his arrows? How does an arrow fly without its warriors?

We are to be strong warriors with our bows and arrows (patience, calm, precision, is what makes a good archer) and we are to direct them. We are responsible for the accuracy and sharpness.

God has given us the best weapon to defeat the evils of this earth. To restore peace and love. We have been given the gift of children.

God also reminds us that we will struggle inevitably out there on the courts. In life.

However the more arrows that we have in our quiver the better. Which I interpret as the more children you influence in a positive way the more that they will influence others in positive way.

For every hand you touch, you touch every hand they touch as well.

We have great power to influence children and this awareness helps us to be more observant and patient with them. WE are what shape those arrows, WE are the ones that pull the arrows back and release.

Arrows that are shot with no intention can hurt and destroy. It’s important and vital that we understand who we are, that when the time comes to launch our children out into this world, they too will be warriors.

10 Questions About STRESS Answered – Gaining More PEACE In Your Life Gives More PEACE To Others

First of all I want to acknowledge this awesome photo who I wish I knew who to give the credit to. I love how it depicts stress. We can appear calm but be fuming on the inside where it feels like our heads are actually on fire and we are covered in dark, heavy smoke.

We may be so use to the smoke that it’s just become apart of our day to day life. With this blog I want to extinguish some of that fire and help you to see through the smoke.

Your heads still going to catch on fire from time to time let’s be honest but maybe we can make a fire extinguisher more accessible for you and for others.

10 Questions About STRESS Answered – Gaining More PEACE In Your Life Gives More PEACE To Others

1. First of all what is stress? How is it defined?

Stress is a feeling of emotional strain and pressure. Stress is feeling out of control. Stress is a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances. It’s feelings of tension.

Stress is your body’s reaction to a change or challenge. Stressors can be positive and negative.

2. How do we react when we are stressed?

There are mental, physical, and behavioral ways of reacting to stress.

Examples of mental could include feeling overwhelmed, loosing your temper, feelings of irritability, thoughts of self harm, racing thoughts, etc.

Examples of physical could include headaches, digestive problems, muscle tension, even your breathing can change.

Examples of behavioral could include jaw clenching, biting your nails, even becoming verbally or physically aggressive.

3. Who gets stressed?

EVERYONE experiences stress. Even babies and children.

4. What are things that cause stress?

An overall answer to which causes stress could be lack of control over a situation.

Common examples could include; life changes, work, family, financial problems, health.

Not so common examples could include; unrealistic expectations and even procrastination.

Most things that cause stress fall under one of those categories above.

5. When do you feel stressed?

  • When you are under lots of pressure.
  • When you face big changes in your life.
  • When you are worried about something.
  • When you don’t have much or any control over the outcome of a situation.
  • When you have responsibilities that you find overwhelming.
  • When you don’t have enough work, activities or change in your life.

6. Does our stress affect the people around you?

The short answer is ABSOLUTELY. There is such a thing called ‘secondhand stress or stress contagion’ if you can believe it!

Stress from others can affect your own stress levels even if there is no direct interaction.

Stress contagion can happen through social and biological mechanisms, such as pheromones, social cues, and emotional expression. For example, people are four times more likely to catch stress from someone they know, such as family, friends, or coworkers.

People that are stressed release a chemical that can be inhaled by those around them, causing these people to become more anxious, as well.

Read more about it here.

7. Can you be stressed and not even know it?

Yes. Feeling unwell or becoming sick could actually be caused by stress.

Many of us are so used to feeling stressed that we may not even know it until we get sick. 

Often times we also mistake anxiety for stress.

8. What happens if we ignore stress?

Ignoring our stress can lead to poor mental health and physical health over time which can take a toll on your body and open all sorts of un-fun doors. Obesity, diabetes, heart problems, and that’s just to name a few.

9. Why does stress happen?

It happens to help us, ultimately. Stress is the bodies response to pressure.

When we are stressed our body releases adrenaline and the hormone cortisol. Cortisol is “natures built in alarm system.” It’s a steroid hormone that our body releases in response to stress to reduce inflammation.

10. How can we reduce the stress in our lives?

There are many ways that we can reduce stress in our lives.

Examples include:

  • Good sleeping/eating habits
  • Yoga
  • Meditation
  • Exercising
  • Asking for help
  • Decluttering
  • Going for walks
  • Saying NO
  • Mindful breathing
  • Making time for hobbies
  • Acknowledgement of our stress
  • Connecting with others

And that’s just a few!

Overall stress isn’t going ANYWHERE but understanding it and acknowledging it is one way we can learn to better flow with it.

And when we can better flow with it we will develop more peace in our lives and give back more peace to those we love around us.

Lots of love always,

Marie

Affirmations To Repeat With Your Kids

There is so much power to affirmations. If/when we tell ourselves these things we actually trick our brains into believing it. We believe it and we then become it.

Currently I’m tricking my brain into believing that I am a patient mother. Which some days I am, but I know I can be better. When you joke that you were the hulk the other day that there is a cue for some personal growth improvement.

So recently when I’ve been having challenging moments with my girls and they are giving me some attitude I begin to say out loud, “I am a patient mother and I love my children.” I say it a few times even. And it truly helps me not to loose my cool. You have to say it out loud though. Trust me, it works.

I say these specifically when I feel myself going into fight or flight mode. A patient mother is something that I want to become. Patient and slow to anger. If I continue to identify with “patient mother” and that I am “slow to anger” I will become it.

Now, the same goes for the negative things that we tell ourselves. If we continue to speak negatively of ourselves, we then will believe that too. We have to really be mindful of the things that we tell ourselves and how we identify who we are.

We choose how we wish to identify ourselves. And if we are consistent with telling ourselves these affirming truths then great things will become of it.

If you want it, you must will it, and if you will it, it WILL be yours!”

Sven – Happy Feet 2

Say these specific affirmations below with your kids often and maybe have it printed out and hang it somewhere where they can read it often.

We are shaping the future! Kinda scary, right? I know we can do it though. We love our children and we only want the best for them. We want them to truly know in their hearts how special they are! We know it, but they need to know it and believe it too!

These affirmations will guide them in ways we can’t even imagine yet.

Peace be with you all and our children.

I am brave.

I am kind.

I am smart.

I am strong.

I am helpful.

I am beautiful.

I can do hard things.

I am grateful.

I am loved.

I know my worth.

If there’s an affirmation that you feel should be included leave a comment!

Summertime Caesar Salad With Rotisserie Chicken And Avocado

This is the perfect lunch or dinner when you need something quick and super easy!

When the husband approves, it’s a win and worth sharing.

Although, I can’t really take full credit for this. I was inspired by this salad I get every so often at this restaurant in town. Unfortunately I don’t get to eat out often and enjoy it as much as I’d love to because I have 3 little ones that take up a lot of time and energy!

Sometimes you have to improvise when you can’t get your hands on the real deal. But sometimes you come up with something even better! And easier!

Honestly, it’s just buying stuff at the grocery store and combing it all to get this delicious salad full of flavor.

I’m sharing with you all this easy recipe you can make at home that everyone will love.

You won’t feel guilty after eating, perfect for enjoying outside in some nice weather, and pairs well with sangria or your favorite mock-tail.

Enjoy!


Ultimate Rotisserie Chicken Caesar Salad

Serves 4-6 people

(Takes less then 30 mins to prepare)

What you need:

  • One rotisserie chicken
  • 1 box of suddenly pasta – Caesar flavor
  • 1/2 can of black olives chopped finely (optional)
  • 1/2-3/4 can of pinto beans
  • 1 family size bag of Caesar salad kit
  • 1/2 to 3/4 cup of Parmesan cheese
  • 1 large ripe avocado diced
  • 1-2 handfuls of grape tomatoes sliced in halves


(What to look for)

Steps:

  1. Prepare pasta as it says on the box (including the seasoning mix) set aside in a medium bowl.
  2. Shred your rotisserie chicken, chop your tomatoes, dice your avocado, open the can of beans and set aside.
  3. Prepare the Caesar salad in a bowl.
  4. Add the chopped olives (if doing) , pinto beans, and chopped tomato. Next add the tricolor pasta and the chicken. Mix well. Then add your diced avocado and mix once more. Top with cracked black pepper and enjoy!

13 Mother’s Day Gifts That You Really Can’t Go Wrong With

1. See’s Chocolate

I don’t know many moms that don’t enjoy chocolate. I love chocolate. I definitely inherited that from my mom. She always had a Hershey bar stashed somewhere. I feel like growing up I was always surrounded by chocolate. But never sees chocolate! One time a friend of ours gifted us a box of see’s chocolate and I’ve been hooked ever since! Requesting these on all occasions! Especially the truffles! Their chocolate truffles are so sweet and perfect! Your mom will love them! Trust me!

2. A Deep Tissue Massage

What mom doesn’t need a little relaxing moment. A moment away from the noise and a moment of focus on just being. Body massages don’t just feel good, they are also full of healing powers. We mothers are go go go, it’s rare when we get time for ourselves and it’s rare when we use our time to do something for ourselves. It just doesn’t normally happen! Your mom is busy! Get your mom a massage, she’ll love it and she deserves it.

3. Mani And Pedi

Moms need pampering too! I don’t know a mom who doesn’t enjoy getting her nails done once in awhile. It’s more than just getting the nails done, it’s a whole experience if at the right place! Do your research and get her a gift certificate to a good one! Read the reviews! They can really help with eliminating the bad places. Maybe, you can go with her. She’ll love that!

4. Gift Cards To Her Favorite Places (there’s nothing wrong with gift cards)

There’s seems to be some notion that gift cards are thoughtless. Well, as you get older I think many appreciate gift cards more vs. getting something that’s just really is not your style or vibe. Find out your moms favorite shops and give her the gift to choose! Moms love getting out! And what better excuse than, I really need to go use this gift card that my loving child got me. Or you could take her shopping yourself! Have a moment like in The Sweetest Thing where they are just having a blast trying on all these different types of clothes!

5. A Staycation (planned ahead)

First of all, if you plan this for your mom she’ll probably cry. Who doesn’t love a little getaway! And with her family, oh my goodness. Great memories are priceless. Now this is something you’ll have to plan ahead. Make a note for next year if it’s too late and maybe get dad involved! This is a great one she will really love! But tell her in advance so she can shop!

6. A Dinner Night With The Girls

Here’s what I’m thinking, maybe get her a little box with some wine or her favorite drink, a pair of new heels, and a dress, and write a note saying for your next girls night. Or call up her friends and get the friends involved! Get creative! I’m sure they would love that! You can also find certificates for wine tastings, or painting classes, just something that she can do with her friends!

7. Candles

Candles are the best. And these make great gifts. I don’t think any mom can have too many yummy smelling candles. They are soothing and comforting. Candles can be kinda pricey too which is why they make great gifts. The candles by Heart And Hearth at Target are wonderful!

8. Bath And Body Works Goodies

You cannot go wrong here. Soaps, hand creams, more candles, body sprays, etc. And it all smells so yummy! This is a great place to find a Mother’s Day gift when you’re in a rush! They usually have great deals too like buy 3 get one free, which means you get a little gift out of this too! Love this place!

9. A Meaningful Piece Of Jewelry

There can be deep meanings behind jewelry. This is a beautiful gift to put some thought into. Does she wear rings? Necklaces? Bracelets? What is she really into? Is there something specific that makes you think of your mom that can be put on a piece of jewelry? Maybe you can get matching jewelry. You two will feel close even when you aren’t together.

10. Pajamas/Comfy Clothes

There is no limit on pajamas and comfy clothes. Your moms going to love this gift. And you can find cute pajamas and comfy clothes everywhere! Even Amazon has some really cute clothes!

11. Flower Pots

If your mom is into plants she’ll really appreciate this gift! Many times we gift people plants but no flower pot! Or maybe your moms plants are thriving and she needs to repot! This would be perfect! Or maybe you can get her a plant and transport it yourself to a super cute flower pot. Either way, plant/flower pots are great for the green thumb mama.

12. Something Homemade

Let your artistic side shine and make something for your mom! I guarantee she’ll treasure it forever! Homemade gifts are such loving gifts. It shows that you put your love and energy and focus into something just for her. How can you not feel special when you receive a homemade gift. You’re going to make her cry! Tears of happiness of course.

13. Your Time

The best gift that you can give her, is your time. Spend time with your mom. Give yourself to her for the day and just be present with her. Whether it’s snuggling up and watching movies, going for a walk, making cookies together. Your time is more valuable than anything. You are enough. And your mom loves you so much. Tell her how much you love her, hug her, and repeat. Moms never get tired of hearing I love you mom.

My Daughter Got Splinters In Her Foot And I Discovered A Spiritual Lesson In The Incident

You’ve probably heard someone say once or twice before, God is good. And how would you define that phrase?

I feel like I’ve had some type of revelation and I’m excited to share it. God is good.

In the past whenever I would hear that phrase I would repeat to myself, God is good. But then think, what does that even really mean?

How do we interpret that? Well for one, we can look around at nature and be astonished.

Like, are you aware of what an octopus can do! It’s pretty spectacular. That in itself points to an incredible creator.

But God also reveals his work and skills in tribals and in times of distraught.

Let me share a little story that just took place a couple of days ago. A story of my daughter getting some deep splinters and what unraveled into a spiritual lesson.

At our house we have a little wood deck that my husband actually made. Picture a yard of turf, then you can two steps onto this wood deck that bridges to a giant sand pit.

Our daughters have so much fun in our backyard. Tons of laughing and imagination. My husband and myself always say how much we love just watching our children play. It’s truly a blessing.

Well one late afternoon the girls and I had just got back from picking up a half pepperoni and half cheese pizza. The girls raced to the trampoline to play with the puppies that we just recently got (2 border collie pups, too cute. But they chew on everything!) I shouted to come inside to eat and then………

Then, I hear screaming. I look out the window and my 3 year old is sitting on the wood deck, head down, crying hysterically. Echoing through out the neighborhood. My other daughter is shouting, “‘mom! She has a splinter!” I knew it was bad. This wasn’t the first time that this type of situation has happened.

I had just sat down too and taken two bites out of my pizza. I thought of course, this is parent life. I walk over to the deck nonchalantly (I’ve learned it’s best to not react too much when they’re in distress. Makes it way worse) and look at her foot. I see it and think, shit.

There’s 2 splinters that are deep in her foot. These won’t be easy to pull out with just tweezers, she’s going to need “surgery”. I call my husband and tell him what happened. Luckily he was already on his way home from work. He tells me to soak her foot in water. I take her to the bathtub.

That was a struggle as you can imagine with a 3 year old. Although it quickly became a party in the bathroom. Her sisters were there fully supporting her. One is feeding her pizza while the other is making her laugh with silly gestures. Her foot is soaking in the water, she’s got a lollipop in her hand, a “bravery” light up watch/bracelet, and her unicorn baby doll. At this point she’s calmed down a little.

Then dad gets home.

She begins to cry hysterically all over again which I totally understand. It’s like when someone asks, “are you okay?” when you’re totally not and you begin to uncontrollably cry. We’ve all been there right?

My husband looks at her foot and with no hesitation but complete confidence says, “I can get those out.” In my head I’m thinking, ummm are you sure, did ya see her foot, and I even suggest urgent care. I reiterate that they are deep and I don’t know if he can do it. My confidence in him is slim.

He says, we’ll wait till she’s asleep. Or we can leave it and let her body reject it. I wasn’t for the latter, I wanted those wood pieces out of her tiny little foot. Splinters can be painful! We all know this.

She quickly falls asleep, I’m sure to the exhaustion of crying. My husband gets all prepped up for “surgery”. I say that with a sense of humor. Our daughter rests on our bed. I give him his space while checking periodically on the both of them.

In this inconvenient moment I think about how amazing my husband is and I think about what a great dad he is too. This is when God comes to mind and the spiritual message enters.

In this moment my husband revealed to me once again what he’s capable of. I saw him in a different light caring for our daughter, coming to her rescue, and even our other daughters took notice watching their daddy take care of their baby sister. As one of my daughters watches from afar she says, “Daddy’s my hero”.

I believe God works and reveals Himself in similar ways. How would we know how great God was if it wasn’t for the hard times. How could God show us what He’s actually capable of doing if it weren’t for those muddy waters that we get caught in? It’s in these times of fear and pain and discomfort that God steps in and says, “I got you, wait till you see how I’m going to heal you and make this better again.”

Do we trust God? Let’s be honest, not always. Like my 3 year old daughter with splinters in her foot, instead of surrendering her foot and letting us help her she held her foot close to her and kept it restricted. We had to wait till she was asleep before we could even touch it!

It’s these moments, which can be unbearable moments that actually bring us closer to God. He reveals different sides that we never knew. We learn more of Gods capabilities, powers, and healing through these moments.

My daughter getting those splinters sucked. But because of those stubborn/painful splinters I got to witness my husband caring for our daughter. So gently he took those out of her foot without her barley even noticing. My daughters watching from afar developed a new level of trust in their Daddy.

I do believe God works like this. And you know what? Yeah, God IS good. He takes unfortunate events and uses them to bring us closer to Him. God reveals that He can remove “splinters” and more. He can make those pains better. And sometimes like my 3 year old, we don’t surrender to Him. But it doesn’t even matter. He’s going to take care of us anyway.

If you want to recognize how God has been good in your life think for a moment of some difficult times. And think about the good that came from those times.

Read between the lines of your life and you’ll see and you’ll know how present God is.

Would love to hear how God has worked in your life or would love to hear a simple moment turned spiritual.


The splinters
The culprits.
When he pulled the first one out.

Thank you for reading! 🙂

Dear Readers: I’m Having A Motherhood Moment

I’m currently reading a new read and it’s already making me teary eyed. I rather not share the title. I feel like it’s a bit morbid and possibly triggering. But as I’m reading I put the book down and I just think about how much I love my children. I think about how all my choices have them in mind.

Motherhood changed me.

It wasn’t about me any more, it was about them. I understood how important my role was and whether I am a “good mother” or “bad mother” that I was going to play a huge role in their life.

That’s a lot of pressure. Becoming aware how much I would be influencing my children…. just really stressed me out. And it still does sometimes. I may say or do something and then think, “great, did I just scar my kid.” I knew I was going to make mistakes. And I know I’ll continue to make mistakes. You just hope the good outweighs the bad.

Everything I do now is for my children though. Bettering myself is for them. Even when I go spend time with my friends I do it for them in hopes they will recognize that it’s important to do things for yourself too.

This is a role that I know was meant for me. I’ve known since I was a child really. More than anything I couldn’t wait to become a mother.

Before I was even a mother my worst fear was that I wouldn’t be a mother. How badly I wanted this, but also how much of this yearning felt like a calling. I just knew I needed to be a mom.

I just pray a lot. I try to anyway. I remind myself to pray without ceasing because truthfully I don’t know. I don’t know how this will all play out. I feel like a child in this world with so many questions. How there’s so much beauty but also so much sadness. And the sadness seems amplified when you’re a mother.

I have to trust that everything will be as it needs to be. That it will all be okay. And I do believe that.

My children reveal their innocence to me daily, and how badly I just want to protect them and shield them from the nightmares of this world. However sooner or later the truth will begin to unravel and I know many fears will begin to set in. And that breaks my heart.

I work on my bravery for them. I want to be the best example for them. It’s so hard though. So many answers I do not have. But I just know and believe that if my children have a strong faith and spirituality then they will be okay. They will persevere and they will choose love always.

The only way that may be possible is if I have a strong faith to pass to them. I work on understanding and becoming closer to God so that I may be the one to introduce them to that door that will lead to many beautiful things. I believe so much that our relationship with the high power is crucial in this life.

Do I have my doubts sometimes, of course I do. But my children have doubts in me sometimes too. So am I really any different?

I want to lead them to a life where they feel constant love and assurance. When they are feeling afraid they can close their eyes and pass it to God. I want them to find comfort easily and to develop compassion for all.

So many wishes for my children. I know I’m kind of rambling. But sometimes you just have to share your thoughts and be vulnerable. Admit that your afraid at times and share that you don’t know everything.

How I just want them to know how much I love them, but does a child ever really know how much a parent loves them?

With love,

m.g.

25 Cute Breakfast Art Ideas That Will Make Your Children Or A Loved One Smile

Cute breakfast food art doesn’t have to just be for children! As I was searching for ideas for my girls I thought, you know what, my husband would loved these too.

Which is why the title is for ‘A Loved One’ .

I’m so excited to try some of these out.

Which numbers will you make?

Note: Most of these photos don’t have watermarks so I don’t know who should receive credit! If any readers know please let me know!


1.

This would be perfect for Valentine’s Day or maybe an anniversary.

2.

Cute little Owls.

3.

So simple! Bear cubs.

4.

A healthier kind of ice cream.

5.

Spring Pancakes!

6.

Imagine making this as a hint and surprising your kids with a trip to Disneyland!

7.

So cute!

8.

A bear that’s cute and you can eat!

9.

Piggy.

10.

Cheetah.

11.

Love the little strawberry sunflower.

12.

Perfect for our malt o meal breakfast days.

13.

Perfect if you love coconut flakes.

14.

This owl has beautiful eyelashes.

15.

Imagine being served this as a surprise breakfast :).

16.

Too cute!

17.

Ladybug.

18.

Another piggy inspiration.

19.

Bagel and cream cheese and berries. yum.

20.

For the one that loves butterflies.

21.

Spider-Man.

22.

Crabby.

23.

Perfect for The Holidays.

24.

Piggy with strawberries.

25.

Cute flower.

Which on is your favorite?

2022 End Of Year Reflections With The Gems

Worksheet Credit: Bohobeautifullife

Yesterday morning we sat down at the dining table that is covered in scratches and memories with a black and white notepad and a blue R.S.V.P. pen and we discussed and wrote down our reflections for the year. I was originally going to do this personally but then I thought it would be super fun and interesting to listen to my daughters answers on these specific questions. I also felt it would be some overall good bonding time.

It was an opportunity to really recognize our accomplishments and things that we each want to work on.

It was very humorous listening to their responses. They each listened to each other and we giggled about things that we actually forgot until we were encouraged to remember. Now that we have finished our reflections I think we’ll look at some photos from this year and begin our 2023 visions.

love from TheWildGems

Dear Readers: Since Childhood Writing Has Been A Coping Mechanism For Me

Dear Readers,

I’m going to create a category called “dear readers” where I can be transparent and raw with my feelings and experiences for a moment. A way to release all that does not serve me in a positive way. I would like to reveal a vulnerable side of myself to better connect with all that follow this blog.

But as well, I would like to write these to share with my children one day.

I’ve reached a point where I desperately need to express and empty in writing all these unresolved emotions and “traumas” that I have been carrying for many years. I do not wish to past these to my children. But I hope to gain solutions and euphonies to help them when they face these obstacles one day.

I’m not really into your typical therapy. Talking about it can only do so much for me. Writing and reading are my therapy. I have to write it all down. I have think about it. I have to soak myself in emotion and words and allow myself to shiver.

It’s a puzzle that I know only I can truly solve.

Since childhood writing has always been a therapeutic tool for me. A way to strip the emotional pain or negative emotions from myself.

It’s always been a processing tactic for me. The only thing was, I would write it all down and then just completely ignore what I wrote. Well I’m older now and instead of ignoring the problems after I write I’m digging deeper for discoveries to better myself.

Writing was the release…..but as my love for reading has grown I also know how reading others writings can encourage and help others. Which is why I decide to share and write what I do on this blog.

My mom was in an abusive relationship during a good chunk of my childhood. Lots of screaming and crying behind closed doors. And I would hear her get thrown around often behind those closed doors. I know they didn’t want to fight in front of us, but our ears provided plenty of visuals.

This could be where my love for writing stemmed from honestly. I would write as they would be fighting. Expressing my hate for my stepdad. I would write prayers for help. It was all so sad really. The most vivid memories of this are from ages 9, maybe 8 to 14.

I know it was sad because there was a moment where I sat down (I’m thinking early 20s) and read those old childhood journals and it disturbed me so much that I didn’t want to remember any of those memories ever again. So I destroyed those journals.

But just because the words are destroyed doesn’t mean the actual memories are erased. My body still remembers.

Being much older now and developing a more sense of self I regret destroying those time capsules. Because now I’m really trying to heal myself to be a better mother to my children and those journals were like a cheat sheet to healing.

And now it’s like playing a guessing game. Something will trigger me and I’m sitting there left and confused, pondering it all day.

Truth be told I thought I was completely fine and “happy”. It wasn’t until I had children that all my repressed emotions began to expose themselves like weeds during a rainy season.

There’s a great part of me that sometimes feels overwhelmed, like now for example. Where I have to sit in a puddle of feels and just think about it.

It’s like, thinking you aced a test and then getting your test back and seeing that you failed. Sometimes I feel/think like “I’m healed, I’m good. I’m past it all.” I think that I can officially move forward and then I’ll have a humbling moment (usually provided to me by my kids) and I’m left dumbfounded. I’ve been shown that my emotions from my past are still greatly controlling me. That the work is definitely not complete.

It’s extremely frustrating. Parenting. Having “screw up” moments is really hard. Putting your tail between your legs in front of your children is super hard.

You want to be the best mother for your children however life shows you that you’re still a child yourself and that you’ve got lots of growing to still do.

Anyways, today I share and tell and I’m looking forward to sharing more.

Lots of love always,

m.g.